Friday, January 11, 2013



The GOLDEN AGE of family life has to be when men were hunters and women gatherers. The man was expected to go out with his club and sharpened wooden spears to hunt down the lions and tigers (...em well.. a deer or antelope makes more sense if life was to be valued. meat is meat eh?)

While the man went hunting, the women picked the wild berries and mushrooms and other plants that made for food and with the meat brought by the man, made food. Thus today when you see women gathering fine things, and appreciating roses, it is ingrained in their history. Also the man was their defence in time of attack. His practise with the sharpened wood was central to his ability to keep his homestead because quite easily his wife could be stolen...I mean physically stolen and made to rare children in some distant "un"civilization" Now this clear distinctive separation of duties made for less clashes and conflicts in the home as everyone knew their place.

As time passed, the evolution slowly started. Man decided to cultivate the land and the women and their children became were of help. While the man did the arduous work of tilling the soil that was then majorly rocky, the women and their children poured the seeds in the ridges and tilled earth the man dug. Thus the man grew physically stronger while the women grew more patient. The women at this time did not mind the man getting other women and having a harem as more women and children meant a bigger havest. It was tantamount to growing your own labour force by the activities of your loins and your wives wombs. Thus it was still a matter of everyone knowing their place

Then the industrial revolution took place. The loom was invented and with time, machines that could do the heavy lifting. As men went to war, women learnt to operate these machines that helped them till the soil and plant and harvest and thus slowly the women began to realize that in fact and in truth, they can survive without the man. The age-old need for the man as a protector in case of attacks was diminishing as the women knew to operate the Dane gun left to them by their soldiering husbands. The men came back from wars and...em drinking parlours or other women's bedrooms to find their relevance diminished in the homes. The women did not see why the men would marry more women as more children no longer meant more produce as tractors were doing the work of several male children. The women began demanding faithfulness and better treatment. The battle in the homestead had started. The men began making it a taboo for a woman to be alone and or leave her husband. Both the Christian and Muslim religions were willing conspirators. Divorce was a "sin" and unacceptable and the Catholic church doubled-down on this practically eliminating even the waiver and exception Jesus put in the no-divorce statute in matthew. The muslims were ready to stone a woman so liberated as to be on her own and succeed, so they too doubled down and enforced purdah But how do you stop a species from evolving?

Indeed central to evolution was the sudden realization by women that they indeed owned a..em...em well... clitoris. Perhaps husbands being away from home, they like every animal had times in the month were they were in "heat" and requiring "servicing". While some employed the young layabout lover, others were too timid to and so found things that looked like their husband's genital and thus found they could please themselves even without their husband being physically present. Like all newfound and fangled shiny objects, there is an obsession with it and women required a lot more from their men. No longer would they just lie and be serviced with the man determining when it would end. No longer would copulation be for procreation. Like the men who are guaranteed an orgasm, the women too demand theirs and sadly while men need little "provocation" to "spit it all out", the women are long-suffering and their patience developed through time is most made evident here. For the women it is a marathon not the sprints. Thus the man is required to evolve from the speedy Jamaican Usain Bolt to the long distance Kenyan Kipketer Speaking of the man's evolution, we indeed have remained prehistoric.

There is a denial even on a global level of the woman's evolutionary demands. The GOP in America recently discovered the women want a lot more. The Urhobo man has found his daughter would no longer agree to be circumcised and neither would the mother let you. Yes the urhobo woman wants more for herself and her girl-child. The Isokos are finding that "oliho" their ancient god's will no longer help to tie down a woman who is abandoned to her devices which may include a strappling young man. Even "Oliho" realizes that the women want a lot more and will look for it in the home or... sadly...very sadly outside.

Yet men continue to live and think pre-historic. While like Rome they go to conquer new Kingdoms, they forget to solidify their "ancient capital". Truth is that evolution has made it hard even to please one woman how much more four or five. Yet the man's evolution insists on the harem, even if he does not have them all in one place but scattered in universities, college of education, his secretary at the office and such sundry places.

The lack of male evolution is not restricted to the loins. With the fact that the women now bring home as much or even more or that their work hours are as rigorous, we men still insist on the prehistoric duty of the wife to cater for the children and still prepare the meals and clean the house all by themselves. They still think to throw the woman's clothes and panties along with theirs in the washer is a "taboo" and for some, even to cook while she studies for that promotional exam emasculates them or rather us.

Now what happens to creatures who refuse to evolve? Where are the dinosaurs and mammoths? Indeed the dinosaur is perhaps the lizard because he has realized being big is a big disadvantage and to be successful and to survive, huge size and ego must be done away with. The days of chest thumping and manliness must like the British Empire be only a historical fact. The home is becoming an endangered species. Michael Dedon, a practising lawyer in Lagos informs us via his status a while back of the astronomical increase in divorce proceedings.

If indeed the latin maxim "respondeat superior" is to be followed which means the "head must answer," and if the man is the indeed the head of the home, then men must sit down and answer. We as men must also realize that there is no longer much stigma for a woman to be a divorcee as the number is too numerous. A norm or something commonplace cannot be a stigma. Also as men we must realize that JESUS FORGIVES and ALLAH IS MERCIFUL. Thus unlike Ogun and Oliho and other ancients gods, the women can simply kneel down and pray and ask for forgiveness and GRACE and THE BLOOD OF JESUS will WIPE AWAY ALL SINS NO MATTER the heinousness. No longer is the cheating wife made to walk naked in the market square or threatened that all her children will die or that the child will not be born if the man with whom she cheated is not in the labour room. In fact, the child will immediately be born via caesarian section. Yes indeed, if the child obeys some cultural taboo and refuses to be born, he/she will be born through caesarian.

Speaking of Caesarian sections, women as part of their evolution are choosing it more and more so as to, not just reduce childbirth pain, but keep the vagina intact for further use and to reduce wear and tear.

EVOLUTION! Thus as "heads of the home" what can we do to save the home? I imagine a symposium wherein men shall be made to answer a few questions viz

1. are we really sure we should be dissipating sexual energy with these young girls when our wives are home waiting?

2. How long will "i am tired" hold when the wives demand or even if they do not demand, yet want without saying?.

3. Does not every excuse we give to allow us space for "orukuruku" activities eg, I am traveling for work, I am working late etc give same space to our wives with us doing all the scheming while they benefit?

4. if we aren't there for our wives, what does science say about vacuums?

5. Like really, must she do all the work? Is school run such a Herculean task? What will it take to nappy the kid sometimes and let her rest or cook or actually go to that correct "mama put" to buy supper for everyone?

6 who are you Facebooking, BBing or Pinging and who is she pinging and facebooking? you are aware she spent four years at least in the university and her father didnt buy all her textbooks and instead one aristo or Alhaji "helped her dad" and also she did a few things with a few (or not so few) guys who may still like her just like you still like a few, so who are you pinging and who is she pinging and all day?

7. Does bride price and wedding gowns remove libido and desires and wants?

8. Are you sure she is no longer fine? Have u looked at your own beer-belly lately? have u not noticed even as you make love to that young girl the amount of time it took for you to be "ready" especially compared to your early twenties when just hearing her bike arrive, John Thomas stands in anticipation? Have you also noticed that like older Tyson, Round one and two is the most you can go before getting "knocked out"? have you also noticed that some certain backpain and muscle pull sometimes slows you down in "midstream" (midstream is not a reference to "wetness" of the woman I promise. lmao)

If you have depreciated so much, how about her who has children to show for it...children that proves your manliness and virility?

I know some women are too evolved to be caught up with. I know some see marriage and men as a new apparel to be returned if defective. Nothing can be done about those ones. We wave them "bye bye" as they fade into the distant horizons. But a huge majority of them are just a model or two ahead and waiting for us to UPDATE and RELOAD so as to get the family unit working again.

So this is ENA OFUGARA 2.0. who is updating with me?