Friday, March 22, 2013

AND ENA OFUGARA IS TESTED FOR DRUGS...America no go kill me!!!

I do not know if it is that funny things find me or I find things funny but what I am about to write about is one of the funniest things that has happened since I got here....okay there have been many funny things but you be the judge.

You know in this country America, igbo (weed) is the starting point. Cigarette that when we see a woman smoking in Nigeria we will say "Mudiare come see!!! that woman dey smoke", Here there is cigarette break and old men, old women, young girls, everybody lights their cigarette. If you see oyibo "Nene" (old woman)  puffing here, you will think of Nene back home and wonder the "taba" (tobacco) or the snuff they take with that black spittle/phlegm that comes out and the cigarette which is worse? em...thinking... taba makes their teeth dirty but cigarette ruins the whole atmosphere and many burn themselves down from dozing off while sleeping with Marlboro in their which is better?

Yes you do not count cigarette. What you start to count from is "igbo" and  Ehidiamen's Colorado and a few states have legalized fact the government of Washington state (different from washington DC where the capital is) is actually calling on people who know how to wrap the igbo, how to grow it, how to remove the seed etc to come forward and teach others. Yes the state says since government cannot stop Americans from smoking weed, try as they may, since so many youths have become "excon" and no longer employable just because they smoked igbo, it is better to legalize it, have everyone who deals in it pay taxes etc. The government is talking about making serious money from the igbo business.

So when I got this new job and we were required to come for the drug test, I had an idea how it goes. During my alcohol and drugs class for my driver's license, I learnt igbo stays in the system for twenty one days...that is  if you smoked igbo at second week of February, if you took a drug test by same fabruary, it will show you are an "igbobian". (drug user)

I remember the first time I was scheduled to go last year on my visit to faraway Texas, how my brother Riete Ofugara was looking at me asking if i was sure I would pass the test. I was like "shoo bros, my jaguda no reach igbo side na. shooo" and Riete says "Ena you sure????" and kept staring at me wondering if my closeness to Kwale people have not influenced me his eclectic younger brother. I didn't do that test then and so I guess he will never know for sure till this one.

Okay this test, we are about twenty and straight off the bat, I identify this "igbobian". Yes he wore a tie and shirt and looked nice but his eyes were a little too red and dreamy. So i am watching this dude saying in my mind "why this guy bother come here sef? How he want take pass?"

And then trust the two girls seated next to me. One was a Jamaican from her Buju Banton accent, the other American

"whats you name again" The ugly one who is the Jamaican girl asked me (why na the wowo girls dey start conversation sef? Why not the fine one?')

"I am is actually a very long name but everyone calls me Ena"

Jamaican: Ya smoke?

ME: Yes fish. I smoke fish. You use it to drink garri.

Jamaican: Garri? You must be Nigerian. I like Nigerians I have dated quite a few

ME: By few how many?

Jamaican: haha. Buoy you funny. I said a few. haha. Why ya ask me how many?

American fine one: haha. Tanya has dated quite a lot. She wanted to talk to you cos she said you WAS Nigerian.

Jamaican: (To American). Gyal you talk shit. Okay, Nigerian, you smoke weed?

ME: What is weed? (In my mind. "dem send una come? Una be spy abi my village weeeensh???)

Jamaican: Ya know what weed is.Grass

ME: We clear or rather cut grass in my country with know cutlas...machete

American: He funny. I bet he knows what weed is.

Jamaican: I am talking kaya, Indonesia, sensimila...I know you know.

American: Marijuana

ME: Oh Marijuana? I have seen it on TV. (una papa! Na me una want set up. I jump una pass in Jesus name AMEN!!!)

"Attention everybody" the lady in charge says. "You all must sign the consent form for us to be able to test your urine for drugs and alcohol"

(shoo, booze join? Them no know say cold dey? Them no know say na American ogogoro people dey take face the snow?)

And so we were given forms. Yes O! For everything in this country you must sign a consent form. It is the first time i am seeing consent form to take my piss. Well as long as it is not babalawo's cup I am peeing in (voodoo priest) I will give them as much urine as they want.

After the signing of the forms we were given some magic cup to pee in. And so we went on a line to use the bathroom. we were bodysearched and i did not fully understand why. But my eyes were on this American boy whose eyes were a bit too Don Jazzy-like. He was moving from one foot to the other and clearly uncomfortable.

well I went in peeing the cup, wrote my name on the label and submitted. Don Jazzy look alike made sure he was last and then submitted his cup.

There was no long wait. Right there and then oyibo (white people) simply peeled the label and on it were writings and they started computing it in our presence. and then it happened. The oyibo women started laughing and they called Don Jazzy "who is Mr jeffrey Anderson?"

Jeffrey got up. I knew this would happen. I knew he was an Igbobian

Woman in Charge "Is this your urine? Will you please take this cup and pee for us again? There seems to be a problem with your urine sample. We need to redo it"

Jeffrey: (the Don jazzy guy) I ain't got no pee left. I just peed"

Woman in Charge: em...we will give you some juice or water or soda (na soda dem dey call mineral) and you can take it now and in 30 minutes to an hour you should have enough for us. We are sorry"

Jeffrey: Just tell me what the problem is.

Woman in Charge: em..are you sure?

Jeffrey: yeah. What is it?

Woman in charge: According to this urine analysis, you are pregnant.

(silence then laughter.) It is why we need to retake it.

Jeffrey: shiiiiiiiit!!! dayum!!!! pregnant? She fucking said she was on the fucking pill men. shiiiiit!!!

Woman in Charge: She?

(another round of laughter)

Jeffrey: shiiiit my girl be tryna trick me men. I aint got money for child support. She said she was on the pill and now she pregnant. I ain't going down like that men.

(more laughter)

Woman in Charge: We didn't test her we tested you. You....

Jeffrey: Damn bitch, I ain't no tranvestite. I am a man. How can i be pregnant? It was her pee men. I tried to not smoke but me and my boys went out and I was like I had a job interview but my boys were smoking and i was like i should smoke too. shiiiit. I got her pee men! She didn't fucking tell me she was pregnant. Bitch tryna play me men!!!!.

Woman in will have to excuse us. What you did was...

Jeffrey: (Quiet) Men I need this job men! I am on welfare and all.My mom kicked me out that I smoke too much weed. She smokes too. Nobody kicked her out (for her own house?who want kick her out? Oghene biko!)

And then another nonsense happened.

Jeffrey "Hey Nigeria" (I looked around and was wondering who he was talking to) Yes you with the blue tie. (chei na me he dey talk to) Gimme your lighter, I got one last joint i need to smoke men. Bitch be stressing me

Me: Guy, why you want involve me na shoooo! them send you come?

(raucous laughter with "what did he say? what did he say")

Jeffrey: What did you say?

(I put myself together and calmed down)

Me: jeffrey, why do want to do this to me huh? I don't smoke weed.

Jeffrey: I never said you did. I said gimme a light bruv

Woman in Charge: (dips her hand in her jacket and gives him a lighter.) Take it and you can't smoke on the premises and you have to leave us now.

Jeffrey: thanks. My girl crazy i tell ya. (he leaves. Raucous laughter)

Jamaican: Why he ask ya fi light? me tell ya say ya smoke ya say ya na smoke weed.

Me: Listen Patra, (I call her the name of that Jamaican singer)  I do not smoke. You guys are like Satans to me right now and i say get thee behind me.

(another bout of laughter)

And so the results are handed to us. The lady in charge kept smiling at me when she gave me the papers. Everyone was staring at me when i got mine and the list of drugs i saw on that paper I have never heard before. just one cup and label peeled off and it revealed that of over forty drugs i was negative for all. Trust me as i raised my paper and said

"um... I am drug-free. I am alcohol free. I do not even take aspirin. I pray when sick and jesus heals me

(raucous laughter) "una dey laugh abi?" i continued in pidgin as i took my seat.

Needless to say i am the most popular guy where I work and they keep asking me

"Hey Nigeria, gimme your light."

So tomorrow the 23rd which is my birthday, I have decided to give all my colleagues lighters.

But where did that guy hide the pee of his girlfriend that a bodysearch did not reveal? Did he keep it in his mouth????? If yes, did she pee in a cup and he drank it or was it direct from source?

America no go kill me.

Thursday, March 21, 2013


On Alamieseigha's pardon. Doyin Okupe must be secretly reading me on facebook. Words like "pardon is for criminals not saints" are straight from my arsenal. or well...maybe not.maybe it is just the clear truth in the statement that should come to be obvious to everyone but it is not.

This is not about GEJ and the fact that what other past presidents in Nigeria did and got no mention, if he attempts it, he is put to the sword. I will also not call the many criminals who have emptied public coffers like Atiku who was mentioned in criminal cases in the US yet will likely rule Nigeria ceteris paribus after GEJ. I will not mention that it seems only Niger delta top-shots get convicted e.g Cecilia ibru when over six banks were taken over and billions poured in to save the common man and the banking industry. i will not also point out that while Opia of OMPADEC is on the run Buhari of PTF is contesting for president when both organizations they headed are accused of serious fraud. Why should i bother to talk about Umaru Dikko and how he walks free today? Why should i mention Tinubu and the rest? Why should i mention that Joshua Dariye is today in the Seanate despite many accusations of theft? No I will not. Neither will i remind yet again that El Rufai and Ribadu ran away in a democracy from a sick Yar'Adua when it was obvious that they were to face prosecution by the courts of the land. What innocent person runs from the courts in a democracy?

No I will not mention it because it is an abberration that they are not in prison. It is beyond reason that they have not been made to return loots. It beggars belief that Atiku, after the Mrs Douglas (or was it Graham) conviction in the US on evidence that implicates Atiku, he remains a forerunner for the seat of President of Nigeria.

I also refuse to argue that since it is only the South Southerners that seem to be "imprisonable" we must ask that we too be free. NO. I ask that everyone fraudulent be locked up.

So what about the Alamieseigha case? I go back to quote Doyin Okupe and the reason given by GEJ in exercising his constitutionally bestowed power of pardon. Hear Okupe

" his (Alamieseigha's) political and stabilising influence in that region (Niger Delta) have impacted positively on the overall economy of the nation, bringing crude oil exports from the abysmally low level of 700,00 bpd to over 2.4 million bpd.
Therefore, it is obvious that Alamieyeseigha has been a major player since his release from prison in ensuring that the blood that runs through the Nigerian economic artery is not cut off.”

he goes further

"“He lost his position, forfeited the property illegally acquired and has demonstrated enough soberness after he served his sentence."

Also he says of pardon granted Awolowo for which nobody complained

"“In Nigerian history, great and eminent men, who have been crucified for one crime or the other have been pardoned by past Presidents and such men have lived thereafter to further enhance our political and socio-economic development. Amongst those are our respected departed sage, Chief Obafemi Awolowo and the revered Ikemba Nnewi, Chief Odumegwu Ojukwu, who continued after their pardon to contribute immensely to Nigeria’s social, political and economic growth till death."

Now for those who continue to lambast the pardon, can we do the math and check how much he stole and which has been recovered, then how much Nigeria has made from his stabilizing of the Niger Delta and increasing Nigeria's oil production? What is the difference between 700,00 bpd to over 2.4 million bpd. Does anybody know how many billions his actions have given Nigeria

Again,  how many people would have been killed and kidnapped if the amnesty initiative had failed without him? Remember the militants  answer  only to Ibori and Alamieseigha. So with Ibori subversive action against GEJ which in one instant made the militants to body-search a Vice president, and totally humiliate him when he went to visit "Camp 5"? But for Alamieseigha who would have calmed them down? Oh maybe GEJ should like Obasanjo send planes and drop bombs on Nigerians whose oil you steal and steal and steal?

Now a man who was "Obj magomagoically" removed from the post of governor his people voted him into and which grants him immunity till his tenure ends, A man who was disgraced as he ran from London dressed as a woman, a man who went to jail, A man who willingly gave back the stolen/illgotten property...and that man still came out and is enabling Nigeria to be peaceful

Now you all screaming blue murder, you have no idea how important Alamieseigha is in the political equation. Let me educate you. Imagine if the militants were still operating and hausas killed the Ijaws they killed including EK Clarke's ward. Now try and think how many Hausas in Hausa quarters Warri and in the offices in Chevron and Shell and mobil and in NNPC and their staff quarters all over the South South, imagine the numbers that would have died from reprisal attacks and then Hausa will attack and on and on, and this is not happening because a certain Alamieseigha has a vice-grip on these boys.

Again imagine the difference in moneys between 700,00 BPD (barrels per day) and 2.4 million (Over 3 times our daily earnings) why should anyone with good conscience not want him pardoned?

Criminals who are able to redeem themselves and be of service must be rewarded and if any of you do not think this is true, then it is better we close the prisons and shoot all those convicted. What is the point of sending people to jail if it is not for rehabilitation and those who are rehabilated and now an asset to society, pardoned and even honored? Should we name all such people? Oh Awo, Ojukwu etc. I have called them before. How about Don Kings the boxing promoter that gave us Ali and Larry Holmes and Tyson? The list is endless. Many reformed prisoners work in the slums and are doing great things for humanity.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013



The biggest miracle of this generation continues to be just how powerful the Pope and the Vatican is. Considering just how much religion has been relegated to the background, where schools are sharing condoms to teenagers  but are legally banned from saying the Lord's prayer or giving out Bibles, makes it more amazing. Seriously a lecturer that strips naked in class at worst will be said to have had a "meltdown" but any teacher who add  "Jesus" to his math or chemistry class, even if it is in reference to turning water to wine in a chemistry class, if it does not disparage the miracle, that teacher will most likely lose his or her job.  Pictures of Jesus and a Mary with a halo around their heads have been pulled down in all public schools. A group of cheerleaders that decided to make Christian songs their routine was sued by a few parents and community members while a picture of Jesus that has hung in another school for decades was almost brought down if the school authority had not argued that it was "artistically and historically symbolic and not religious. There are organizations that exist to ensure that suits are brought against such public organizations that dares mention Jesus or God. Indeed you can have posters of naked women and the cheer leaderscan sing about sex but not about God.
What I can never understand is how an America and a Europe that was formed and flourished on Christianity decided arbitrarily that it was time to give  God the pink slip I do not know. My friend Edwin Dico would say END TIMES.
With all the assault on everything God, the Pope continues to be huge. I do not get it at all. When Pope John Paul 11 died, over four former American Presidents....Democratic and Republican knelt down at the side of his dead body. These are people who require nothing of the world anymre. Their political career is over. A few of them are not even Catholic. The vatican even trimmed them down to eight or so with their wives AND THEY KNELT. The most powerful people in the world knelt for a dead pope.
And again, yes. The Popes views continue to be powerful... though sometimes antediluvian. People will use a condom. Women and will commit abortion. Men will marry men and women women. But doess it not feel good that there still is a "representative of God" that reminds us that a few things still displeases the creator?
Now I can hear all the criticisms you are about to level against the Catholic Church. Yes they did the crusades and burnt witches. Yes a few popes had sons and plundered the church treasury. yes they burnt women and men for the flimsiest reasons including that they were witches. Yes they made chairs of nails and said it was to give u salvation or something. Yes a lot of homosexuals and misogynists  who so as not be forced to marry, find the priesthood a refuge and have continued in their very nefarious and despicable act of sleeping with little boys and girls. yes the Church did try and still does try to cover the sins and secretly make payments to little children whose rectums have been assailed. Yes there is great fraud and embezzlement as the Vatican is stupendously rich and yes the pope blessed Hitler for a promise not to attack the Vatican.
I am certain you have a lot more dung to throw at the catholic church and the Pope. I am sure you have the record of the many sins that happened at santa Fe and other places. But we all forget one minute detail that is yet so powerful, THE CHURCH WAS BUILT ON PETER.

Why don't we study Peter for a while and then closely compare with the Catholic Church and see indeed Jesus did not build his church on Peter.


Peter was a Fisherman. On his own he did not catch any fish. Then Jesus met him and the fish he caught he could not handle alone. Today the Catholic church cannot have gotten this powerful, this strong without God. And yes like others had to help Peter, some other great churches have also helped to rein in the net with the fish. So to Catholics who sneer at other churches....Peter could not take care of all the fish himself. (Luke 5:6)


Jehovah Witnesses spend so much time just criticising the Catholic Church on their warlike stance. Does anyone remember that a certain disciple caught off the ear of the High Priests servant? Do you know the amount of readiness to fight that it takes to strike even as you are surrounded by Romans fearing a Jewish revolution from a "Messiah"? Do you know what 30 pieces of silver was worth and how planned the attack on Jesus must have been and the sheer numbers...yet Peter struck. In fact, while jesus was preaching peace and love and forgiveness, Peter was ready for any "cassala". John 18:10 "Then Simon Peter, WHO HAD A SWORD, drew it and struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his right ear." Peter did not go looking for a sword, nor did he snatch it from anyone. HE WAS ARMED THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS WITH CHRIST.
The catholic Church and their Crusades are today frowned on by history. But is that not the violence that was in Peter and yet the church was built upon him? Now here is the sweet part. Jesus stopped him and healed the Servant Malchus. Now has the Catholic church not been trying to heal the wounds she has caused and then some? Is there anyone who has today preached more peace than the Pope? In fact the Pope invited all religious leaders, from Imams to Krishna Monks and they all prayed to their gods and then they met and discussed world peace and they still do. Yes Peter BECAME peaceful just as the Catholic Church has BECOME peaceful.


Before we criticise the Pope for "blessing" Adolph Hitler, be aware that Peter, seeing that there was no way he could fight the Roman with their superior weapons of war and since the Jewish leadership was in cahoots with them, he had to seek his survival SO HE CAN FIGHT ANOTHER DAY. And so Peter denied Jesus three times AS JESUS PREDICTED.
For those who may not know, Mussolini the Italian Fascist leader and the Nazist Totalitarian Hitler were toether the strongest forceinall of Europe.But for American intervention and the Russian cold, Africa would be a farm for the racist Adolph Hitler. There would be no jews on the planet etc. The Vatican like Peter against the Roman army stood no chance and so she did the unthinkable JUST LIKE PETER. And did they both live to fight another day? YES. Are they both relevant till today? Of course yes.


"Truly I tell you," Jesus answered, "this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."
But Peter declared, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you."
Now does this not remind you of the vows of the priests and how they break it?
But you have to understand Peter and a large percentage of the priests. Peter was zealous. He wanted to worship God. When he made the statement that he would NEVEr disown Christ, he meant it, just like the father that slept with that widow etc. You have all either read or saw the miniseries "Thornbird". That is exactly what sinning priests go through....a desire to serve God and a weakness of the flesh.


Indeed it is. Like Peter did walking on water, many priests actually are able to abstain while others like Peter, at the halfway point they lost the faith and begin to sink in wetness (couldn't resist the pun). Few are able to say "Jesus save me".

PETERS WAYS WERE NEVER CRITICISM-FREE  even as he parleyed with the gentiles....From Paul

Galatians 2:11-16 tells how Paul the Evangelist (to me the Protestants and Pentecostal) criticized Peter. Peter parleyed with the gentiles as easily as the Pope parleys with world the criticism of many.

PAUL MADE ALL THE NOISE YET IT IS TO PETER THE GREATEST VISION WAS SHOWN, the message that makes the whole world able to be called "Children of God" Acts 10:1-11:18 is the greatest vision in the whole Bible after Isaiah's "unto us a child is born" vision. It is that vision that is Christianity as opposed to Judaism. It is what declared the whole world "clean". I do not remove from Paul. I only show Jesus was/is no liar for "Upon this Rock (Peter) will I build my church)


"Let no man call you father, for you have just one father in heaven" I guess Jesus knew exactly what he was saying. Jesus knew that people would take advantage of the appelation or title "father". He spent his time showing that even his mother Mary was nt special. It is not because he did not honour his mother....a woman that sped up his ministry by forcing him to turn water to wine, but so people may not take whatever Mary does with her life and ascribe it to God. Yes Jesus understood the need for a leader and made Peter one. He did not take all the disciples for the transfiguration so he wanted us to have leaders. However he never wanted those laders to be "representative of God on earth" He didnt want some demi-gods in some distant parishes sleeping with children using the toga "father". He didnt want all those corrupt popes to be regarded as "Representative of God". He knew someday a pope may resign and threaten Christendom with all the scandals

So as you read the many attacks on the Catholic church, seeking to rubbish  "God's representative on earth" know this "For ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of the lord".Romans 3:23  And also "our righteousness is but as filthy rags" (even while wearing a priests clothes) Isaiah 64:6 and that it is GRACE and that the Pope also is using that grace as ALL HAVE SINNED. So FORGIVE THE FATHER FOR HE HAS SINNED

As the World gathers in  Saint Peter Square waiting to see their new pope, we continue to be grateful to the catholic church for their role in converting and educating half the world and their unparalleled showing of Charity to all of humanity and may the Cardinals choose a better Pope this time.

(And thanking my Baptist Deaconess mom for making us attend SUNBEAM which is a Baptist pre-teen church organization that made us know the Bible a bit today enough to appreciate Peter and his church)

So as white smoke appears, as the Pope will appear from

Sunday, March 10, 2013


Do I need to iterate all the wrongs done to the Niger-Delta? Do I need to itemize each theft of what is ours even before Obasanjo's "all lands belong to the Federal Govt"  decree which not only stole the lands of the Niger Deltans.....often using the police and army to displace communities and violate lands their parents, brothers and sisters, children were buried in? Do I need to say how her very source of and water which she drinks and bathes in is today polluted and no longer drinkable but still being drank? Do I need to remind how time and again Nigerian war planes and soldiers have dropped bombs and brought carnage and death to a people whose crime is that God blessed (cursed)  their soil with oil? Does it matter to you that the planes and guns and boots and knives used by the soldiers was bought with the very money from the oil from underneath their soil?

How does it feel to know that while Abuja and Lagos and other places have been developed by the proceeds from the oil, and not that the communities lose nothing but instead you not only take their oil, giving back nothing, you kill the plants and water and very life of that does it make us all feel? And we  went to church on Sunday and Mosque on Friday and the shrine everyday inbetween. What does it make us as a people who claim to worship a just God?

Do I need to share what Barr. Kemi Ajayi shared on my facebook wall about how ELF and the French in connivance with our leaders did evil business in the Niger Delta? Do you need to read this link
to see just one of over 200 hundred ways she has been sodomized for you to know that indeed a serious injustice has been done to a people....several peoples?

It is just sad seeing so many accomplices to this huge crime. It is painful knowing as Nigerians we all are aiding and abetting this wrong by saying nothing. It is bad that with bribing of our "militants" and  with the office of Vice President and by luck president, Nigerians feel justice has been done to that region. How wrong we all are.

To understand what is happening in the Niger Delta, imagine your blood was worth so much and then your father takes the blood, sells it, betters the lives of your siblings whom you have grown to almost hate and as you go thinner and sicker with no food to eat, he leaves the syringes and tubes with which he drew the blood on your bed to keep injuring you while your brothers and sisters and he live in a brand new beautiful house while leaving you in a dinghy dark eery room and only appears to come and get more of your blood even as you die away.

Now if when they sold your blood they took some of the money and bought you some milk and blood tonics and gave you a beautiful house too and all of your siblings and father benefit, I am sure you will not feel so hard done by, but LO! Oloibiri is a dead town with no oil left and no good roads or water nor do we know any of her sons or daughters who is a stakeholder in our oil industry. Every drop of blood has been drained from her veins by a vampire of a people called The Federal Republic of  Dracula sorry NIGERIA.

Do not make a mistake. I do not absolve anyone of blame. The oil companies...ALL OF THEM... especially Haliburton, Elf, Shell, Mobil, Chevron etc have done things they should be ashamed of.  The Nigerian Government...both Federal and at State level have been evil and uncariing and thieving....each and everyone of them. The community leaders....each King and their council and elders have been Judas Ischariots just as they were when they sold their people as slaves to the whiteman  and got the coral beads on their heads...not as symbols of honour but one of shame and evidence of the fact that they have no love for those they claim they are custodians of. And the community leaders who even when the Oil Companies bring their stipend for the benefit of the people, they hoard it, build a mansion IN LAGOS and send their children to universities abroad on scholarships from these oil that are no more than bribes for the children of the leaders and kings and politicians or military leaders and thus compromised, say nothing about the condomless rape of their people and their lands.

So much ado is now being made of  "oil Block". What is an OIL BLOCK? Oil Block is a process whereby people's lands are taken from them and shared between the Nigerian Northern bourgeoisie and later resold or leased to a corrupt foreign company who without recourse to justice and fair play and good practices, go on to drain the oil from the land, displace the owners, destroy the ecology (plant and animal life), ruin the air, flair the gas at ground level (Yes, they didn't even bother to buil a pipe to take it up. It has been burning at ground level for years and years at  Ugberikoko Sapele by SHELL) or a few meters above the ground (all over the Niger Delta) and the moneys therefrom used to make another Northern Nigerian  super-wealthy (while the average Northerner remains uneducated and poor and ripe for Boko Haram recruitment) and Abuja beautiful and Lagos developed and Northern roads perfect and Niger Delta Governors billionaires and Sheikhs and everything else but those whose forebears farmed those soils.

The next few months gives Nigeria a chance to BEGIN to right a wrong that has gone on for too long...THE PIB (PETROLEUM INDUSTRY BILL). Herein the community whose land the oil is sourced from will be entitled to just 10 percent of PROFIT and not net of the crude oil.

Now an agent that hires out a house....he neither owns the house nor contributes a thing yet gets between ten and twenty percent when the house is rented or leased. Wizkid's manger gets 25 percent of all Wizkid's earnings just to take the phone and negotiate when Wizkid's services are needed. Now a community whose land has the oil, whose air will be polluted, whose waters will be polluted etc etc, it is asking that a paltry ten percent..not of the net, but after the company and federal government has removed her costs which will surely be inflated etc....ten percent of the declared profit, HOW CAN PEOPLE BEGRUDGE THIS? Pls define WITCHCRAFT. Let me define it. It is when the rest of Nigeria wants to maintain the status quo of injustice to those with the oil.

They have not asked for a back payment as the communities ought to. What happens to Oloibiri with no oil left? Can we do a Jesus Christ and resurrect that dead town? What the PIB (Petroleum Industry Bill) seeks to do is that going forward, the host communities be it  Iboland,  Yorubaland,  Ijaw, Itsekiri, Okweri, Isoko Urhobo Bini, HAUSA (I hear there is a possibility of oil being there as Chad has found oil and it is same topography. I am aware of the billions spent on the thus far dry casting there) etc, wherever an oil company operates, ten percent of the profit must go towards developing that community. ANYONE WHO FIGHTS THIS IS A WITCH!!! This is only fair I tell is less than fair. It should be 50 oil, your technology. It is why I said "begins to right the wrongs" as this is just a scratching of the surface of what is fair.

So today I call on all my Niger Deltans to SCREAM!!!!! Let your voices be heard from Uyo to Batere, from Oviri-court to Ologbo...wherever you are SHOUT FOR JUSTICE. I ask the Isokos whose lands have huge untapped oil reserves to SCREAM!!! that their lands do not become the new Oloibiri. I ask Itsekiris to take the hand of the Ijaws and Urhobos beside them and vice versa and all three along with the Delta Ibos and Isokos together in unity and unison SCREAM!!!

I ask the Yorubas of Ondo and all Oil producing areas of the West to join us. I ask Ibos whose lands have oil (coal is young oil. In a few million years that is oil. If there is coal, its elder brother is not far behind. America just found serious deposits of gas in rocks under sea called Shale Gas which they get by a process called "fragging") to chanel their inner Ojukwu and SCREAM!!!

And to all others in Nigeria, this is only fair. Yes a GEJ presidency gives the South-South a feeling of belonging and we have shown appreciation by letting you drill our oil and give us precious little back. We have watched you bribe our sons who were fighting for us....and majorly for their daily bread. But how long will this last? Will GEJ be there forever? Do we begin from where we stopped when he leaves and make oil exploration a risky venture once again? I wish to remind everyone that not a drop of oil is exploited in Ogoni and Odi lands today when both Abacha and Obasanjo felt killing our sons and mothers was the best way to get us to be quiescent  and bend over for the painful "obukokwo". 

Thus in one fell swoop we can get this done right. GET EVERYONE TO VOTE FOR THE PIB and have it passed into a law of the land. IT IS ONLY FAIR...and for you too because a peaceful progressive Niger-Delta is a peaceful economy for Nigeria.

Senator Ita Enang of Akwa Ibom/PDP (loving those representing Akwa Ibom from their former gov Duke to Akpabio now ENAng. Thanks for showing the rest of the Niger Delta how it is done) has shown the injustice.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Games FIFA/UEFA plays...we are not amused BY ENA OFUGARA

Taunting of my Manchester Utd friends aside, yes the referee had a right to give a red card but Common!!! He could have given a yellow and made serious faces of a disciplinarian. I have seen higher foot get yellow and Demba vs Collocini in the 18 yard box that should be penalty and sending off did not even get a notice from the ref with Demba's nose broken.
These officiating should show consistency.

Now let us get answers to these questions

1. If a goalie brings down an attacker is it red or yellow or no card?
2. If a last defender does it? what if it is inside or outside the 18?
3. How abt the ball hitting the hand in 18 yard box? Is it a penalty for big clubs but "ball to hand" when the club is a small club againsst a big club? Should we not just remove the pressure from the referee and say "if your hand touches the ball in the 18 yard box, it is a penalty. Is it neccessary to leave it to inconsistent interpretations.

Above all, football cannot continue to be antediluvian and anti technology.

4. WTF is goaline technology? Is it not technology still?  should we not get a camera like Tennis whose balls are smaller and faster yet no freaking goalline technology?
5.  Why are other top sports  using it?

6 . Instead of consulting an asst ref (linesman) who may be even farther away, cannot we simply use that consultation time to press replay on a TV/wristwatch ( alittle screen on his hand like a watch) and make a correct decision?

7. If people feel hard done by goals that are wrongly chopped off or allowed, does offside goals not annoy as much?
8.Are wrongful penalties given or denied not painful?

9.With how match-changing a red card can be, does the referee not deserve a little more help in making up his mind than a man way away called an assistant referee whose mind might have wondered to his pregnant wife?
10. What really is the difference between a ball that crosses the line yet not given as a goal and a striker that is onside and same goal gets chalked off?


I am one of those who believe that FIFA and UEFA have ulterior motives for not allowing camera technology...after all, their reputation is not squeaky clean. Even Jao havelange is now implicated in a deluge of scandals.
Let us face it, why accept "goal line technology" but not any other technology?

Let FIFA/UEFA come out and tell us straight-away that they are only interested in perpetrating the big clubs as the big clubs. The whole Financial Fairplay  is just big clubs annoyed at the way small clubs can now compete. A very wealthy man or conglomerate can turn a small midtable club to Champions of Europe....or so they fear.

The truth is with all of Chelsea and Man City's money, it has only just managed to compete with the Man Utds and not as if they now dominate in any way. They prefer the domination right?

When Milan was buying all Ajax players and benching them  just to ruin Ajax as an opponent, no one remembered financial fairplay. When Real sold their training stadium just to finance Zidanne's move, there was no financial fairplay talk. With the Uniteds and Liverpools and Madrids and Barcelona's wallowing in debt, it is Chelsea and Man City finances that they worry about when they did not worry about Bellusconi's or Moratti's. Even when obviously the Man City and Chelsea bosses are so emotionally invested in these clubs and almost are limitlessly wealthy and  nobody buys a club that he is known for and then let it go to waste. Yet it is these financially deep-pocket clubs they come after...and with officiating as well. From Luis Garcia's phantom goal for Liverpool, to Ovrebo's denial of four penalties, to Chelsea always getting a red card against Barca and for the flimsiest of reasons....home and away etc.

Yes I am saying it, FIFA/UEFA DO NOT WANT CAMERA REPLAYS IN REFEREE DECISION-MAKING BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH MERE EXTENSIONS OF THE BIG CLUBS  and or WANT THE CLUBS WITH THE MOST FANS TO STAY LONGEST IN, AND WIN COMPETITIONS. It  is a utilitarian philosophical leaning of "happiness for the greatest number" and of course good business for their biggest spending sponsors. A team sponsored by Converse cannot beat one sponsored by Nike or Adidas.

Now for those who do not understand why English clubs suffer in FIFA, know today that England is viewed as uppity....from their refusal to use the Euros and all the anti British Empire sentiments. Add that to the fact the whole of England were banned from Europe for  quite a few years allowing the other countries to sink their hands of influence deeper. And also there is deep hatred for the English press. The clearest proof of anti English sentiments on the part of UEFA is Platinis statement that England should not be allowed to produce the finalists (something akin to it) and also the fact that a Qatar that has never featured in a world cup or important regional competition, that do not have a real stadium built yet,whose weather is forcing FIFA to break a time-tested tradition of summer world cups etc beating England...and England that can host the world tomorrow morning, if you called tonight....Qatar beat them in a landslide.
Call this a conspiracy theory but i will need FIFA/UEFA to  come up with a better excuse than the idiotic "we want the human factor feel". It makes no sense. So when a referee looks in a camera it is not human factor? There will still be no human decision made? So all decisions will be done with a camera? Or maybe we will be having a robot with the whistle? So by human factor, it means big clubs getting all the benefit of the doubt?
Seriously, remove all the decisions given the Ashley Young's and Rooney's and Lampard's and Terry's and Van Persie's and Suarez's and Gerrard's, are you certain the points tally will not be affected drastically? Go and find out how the Everton's and Tottenhams and Aston Villas drop out of contention year in year out...the small decisions.  Tottenham vs Chelsea....The Lampard none-goal, the kalou offside and it is 2-1 in favour of Chelsea and Tottenham loses 3 points and confidence and Chelsea gains 3 points and confidence. Even the greatest Man Utd supporter can look at the penalty caused by Carrick last season and ask if Carrick was not wearing a United jersey, if it would not be a penalty.

For those who doubt my claim that those with the name are supported in all sports, 1. what is wild card? 2. Why does the fastest get the 4th and 5th lanes? Also, why was Michael Schumacher always in front in Formular 1? Yet the other sports give smaller teams/athletes a chance at that prime position which does not happen in soccer/football.

Yes FIFA/UEFA are against small clubs/countries. Ask yourself,, if it is indeed the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, why are FA Cup winners not automatically allowed to participate in it?  Are they not CHAMPIONS? Is the English FA Cup and Copa Del Rey not big enough for the Champions to go to the Champions league?

Ferguson says he opposes FA CUP CHAMPIONS from participating in Champions league because the matches to the trophy are too few compared to League. The truth is, yes, it is because Ferguson can afford to have a Chicarito and Welbeck and sometimes a Wayne Rooney on his bench with his huge finances but a Portsmouth has to use its Baros for those seven games and if he is injured or tires over 38 matches, there will be no one else so they plummet in the League but on Face-me-I-face-you, 11 vs 11, anything can happen.
Watch the beginning of leagues, small clubs run to the top but their main men tire out and the referees decision goes against them and they go down the table. Imagine if Portsmouth had the Champions league money for the two years they won the FA Cup  and tell me if they will not be doing good today and tell me why who comes fourth and who is laughed at as Trophyless, gets to play in the Champions league and not the FA winners

I say make it a level playing field. As for financial fairplay, if they are afraid of the billionaire clubs going bankrupt, then let FIFA/UEFA set up an insurance company and your premiums should reflect your salary and or expenditure. It is what insurance is for, to cover losses to income or disaster. Or maybe they should get them to set aside a huge amount of money in a fund to cover losses.
Stopping very wealthy people from spending their own money to bring happiness to fans who were hitherto used to losing, is just wrong. We cannot have only seven countries revolve the world cup around them and also have less than ten clubs revolve the Champions league between them. It is unfair and an insult to all other fans.
Man Utd just suffered what they usually enjoy...a preference for a more popular or trophied club by the referee

And while we are at this high foot topic, would bicycle kicks qualify as "dangerous play"? Is the foot not up? Or the day a Congolese does it in a world cup then he can get a red card against Germany?

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Celebrating EFE OMOROGBE of NOW MUSIC...The wind beneath wings

When my facebook birthday alert reminded me today was Efe Omorogbe's birthday, I wanted to just go on his wall and say "happy Birthday" but then I looked at the name again and i wondered just how many people know this largely uncelebrated young man has blessed them in a few profound ways...that is if you listen to Nigerian music.
It is easy to praise an eagle for flying so high in the sky but the knowledgeable will point out to you that the eagle will never be able to get that high without the invisible wind under its wings and EFE OMOROGBE has been that wind upon which A-List Nigerian Artistes like 2face Idibia, Sunny Neji, and honestly too many to mention soar.
He has also consulted for Hiphop awards and perhaps most of the top music awards and concerts that have taken place in Nigeria over the past 15 years.

Efe Omorogbe isn't just the "manager" that actually is no more than a "personal assistant" or glorified messenger that most "managers" are to their artiste. Efe Omorogbe is the total package. He and his very amiable and "correct" partner Tony maintains such close relationship to the media that a lot of the excesses of his artiste are written about with less bile than it deserves. That is Efe as the consummate A&R.

But this is not why I am celebrating this ex Okotie-Eboh Grammar School  student who used to live in Ajemele in Sapele. His longevity in the industry, even when Nigerian music was playing 2nd fiddle to music from South Africa, Ghana and American music, when artistes used to be so broke, the minute they made money and were a little known, they go and get visas and live in the US or UK (Mandy "if you marry taxi driver", mandators "rat race style", Majek "send down the rain" ras Kimono "Rumba style" Mike Okri "Omoge" examples so you do not bother to argue), still he believed that Nigerian music can be big and that the monies can cater for a the artistes, their managers, producers the record labels, and other investors and stakeholders. It was a laughable belief at the time he held it especially if you are not managing a juju, fuji or Afro beat artiste. No Efe Omoregbe is true to his yet-to-be-rightly-christened-modern-Nigerian music. (Did i hear you say Afro-hiphop, or Afrobeat? Well, what I hear even from the MI's ....especially the beats and collaborations is not the head bumping hiphop sounds of the rapper FUTURES that rules the clubs here, nor is it AFROBEAT as defined by Fela Anikulapo Kuti that is still played globally. Truthfully did it not just seem wrong for a Fuji/juju-sounding 9ice to beat Lil Wayne as "Best Hiphop"? Well that is a matter for another day. Instead let's focus on the man Efe Omorogbe)

I have singled out Efe Omorogbe for honour today because he is not afraid to swim against the tide. When record labels were signing more acts than they could produce and promote, Efe made the acts to take their destinies in their own hands. he made them fight for themselves as if they had no record labels.
When a lot of the acts are unable to source for shows and paying gigs, Efe would beg A Listers like the P.Squares and then lump the Nigga Raws and many other less known acts and go on tour and that certain NIGGA RAw would go on to become one of the top commercially successful rappers in Nigeria. Does anyone reading this remember the P.Square show in Peemos sapele and that Ibo rapper that tore the place? Yes he is same NIGGA RAW.

Efe also believes Nigeria's musicians and the music industry is not near its potentials and blames Alaba Market. I join him in that. Indeed in a year a marketer would give Wizkid perhaps ten million and "buy" the rights to his post EME album. That marketer will sell it at 50 naira to the whole of Africa....he will sell it just 50naira a copy because he has to undersell other Alaba "marketers". His cost price is around 32 naira counting transportation and staff payment. Thus the Alaba marketer has a very small profit margin. He will hurriedly cash in before the pirates get the full album, its design and then make illegal copies and sell at 45 naira.
Efe believes if Alaba Interntional market is stopped, that Wizkid album will sell for 200 to 1000 naira and Nigerians will buy. The same Nigerians that pay 10k to attend events will not hesitate to buy an album at least for 500 naira and when it scratches, will buy another. (The reason they are not rushing to buy at 1000 is because others sell for 80 to 150 naira. Also they know that with a little patience, the pirates will bring the same 1000 naira album to them for 150 naira.) That way when Wiz"kid" has become Wiz"man", his copyright is not sold off like Esau's birthright and as future generations buy his music even if only because of nostalgia just as I recently bought a Majek fashek CD (definitely a pirated one) Wiz"children" will benefit from the God-given talent of their father Wizkid who is now Wizgrandaddy.

Efe believes what we sell now is just the plastic and paper jacket as the intellectual property cannot sell for 50 naira. He knows that Wizkid would likely fritter away the ten million given him by said Alaba marketer and in five ten years, especially considering he may not have the financial backing of the Demurens or international experience of Banky W to guide him so he paces himself, in that 5 to 10 years, he may be just one guy who ruled the industry like baba Fryo and daddy Showkey and Evi Edna Ogholi once did (god forbid! may he reign as long as Fela and Sunny Ade amen.

Efe Omorogbe knows that  the only way to guarantee true success and longevity and true wealth is protection of copyrights. Sony Neji knows just how a few million can vanish and so  for his little beautiful daughter, he intends to bequeath music copyrights. (she go done reach to marry now oh, e done tay i see her. Tijokarome abi wetin be her name?) He has seen millions roll in. He knows life is more than the present and despite his present riches, his daughter should be able to receive cheques from music her daddy made 30 years ago.

This is not the case with the anomalous music business going on in Alaba and Efe bemoans this and fights it and fights it and fights it.

Unlike the Charly Boys and other PMAN executives, he does not agree to "meetings" with the Alaba marketers. (by meetings does anybody understand me?) So he is hated. But an Alaba favourite 2face understands this and the Benue and Nigeria's biggest export since crude oil, Groundnut pyramids, Sapele Timber and Fela and Femi Anikulapo agreed to take Efe on his word and sell his CD for a thousand naira and also keep his copyright for the little lovely battalion he is fathering at the moment. I am sure 2face, having seen for himself the Bob Marley estate and how Marley's own Battalion are taken care of forever by songs done since the seventies. 2face knows as it is today, if anything should happen to him or the P.Squares or Dbanj, (God forbid), if their shows requiring their presence is no longer possible, then like PSquare sang, "wahala dey" ....except perhaps they invested in Dangote Cement shares.

So 2face agreed to be the trailblazer he has always been and use himself as the Guinea pig in an experiment to circumvent the behemoth that is Alaba...on EFE OMOROGBE's advise.

How the experiment turned out, I am too far away right now to know. However, that this Edo boy Efe Omorogbe is able to think this, and since he could get 2face "demigod" Idibia to believe in the project, I celebrate him.

Now more importantly Efe Omorogbe knows that Jamaican artistes have no business being richer than Nigerian ones. He like me knows that Jamaica's population cannot be compared to ours and their economy is third world just like Nigeria's. So why is Shaba ranks still earning money even as he has faded from the scene? More critically, why is Sony Music, Columbia records, Arista etc in Jamaica but not in Nigeria? Common!!!  we are 160 million to Jamaica's 2.8 million. We got Independence from same Britain two years before them (Nigeria 1960, Jamaica 1962) He like me must have observed that Psquare's youtube views for the songs ft Akon and also the one ft Rick Ross got up to 13 million plus views more than what Jamaica's MOVADO gets (6 million) and even the 8 million Buju Banton gets  and if they had the International backing of Sony, they will not far outdo and outsell Shaggy's 35million views.

He does not wonder why Sony and Polygram and Columbia are not here. He simply points to Alaba International market. Worse still, like me, maybe he listens to Wale, my fellow Washington DC brother. I am sure like me he is wondering how much better wALE is than MI and what it would take for Arista to take a  chance with MI. But he knows they would rather risk on a Rhihanna whose Barbados population and rest of the Carribean would buy her music and perchance she could be accepted globally and be compared to America's own beyonce. (and yes she is comparable to Beyonce today. See what happens when your home country has it right?)  Yes Barbados is third world like Nigeria. Efe Omorogbe knows a 2face or an MI or a Rymzo could just be the biggest acts in the world if backed by the Sony's but we will never know will we?

Yes blame Alaba.

No do not blame Alaba, blame an Obasanjo who has ruled the country for 11 years plus and still says "pirates are helping make your music popular.". You can be sure copyright was in the deep freezer all through the eleven years he ruled which i can boldly say has cost us millions in foreign exchange and income today. Hollywood is a money-spinner for the American economy. It is protected as with their all. But Nollywood and its sister music industry? An after-thought for our various governments. I am sure Efe reels from knowing this. (I understand GEJ has repeatedly doled out huge funds to grow the industries. WAY TO GO GEJ. Now I just wish the Efe Omorogbes, Kenny Ogungbes, Amaka Igwes, Don Jazzy's, Don Pedro Obasekis etc  will be involved and not just the Tony Okorojis who to me are the cankerworms eating the industry.  but then it is my opinion right?)

 I have been in same room, sat at the same table, attended a meeting between he Alec Godwin and I but we have never really spoken truly. I have just observed him as he speaks his perfect English in a soft voice and how his rugged determination makes him function. I do not know the type of car he drives or house he lives in. In short i do not know how wealthy he is. I know at a time the staff salaries were pretty late at his Mayland/anthony office Lagos, I also know in other climes, he would be a millionaire many times over. But in all that, I measure his success with the growth of the Nigerian music industry wherein just as Kenny Ogungbe is its "label" and TV presenter  pioneer, Efe Omorogbe is the "manager"  pioneer and as this new Nigerian form of music that is an amalgam of international genres of either  pop, reggae, hip-hop, reggaeton, R&B, rock etc laced with our local lingua and music form including highlife, fuji/juju (I call 9ice music genre neofuji) continues to grow in leaps and bounds, I introduce you to or remind you of a certain young man who blood, sweat spit and tears waters the talents that we celebrate today.
Efe  Omorogbe and a wife who believes and supports. Na So!!!
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So join me in wishing Efe Omorogbe a very happy birthday and that God should bring his dreams to reality and bless his hustle.

If you are still reading and u want to know a little more about Efe Omorogbe, I found this on which chronicled two weeks in Efe Omorogbe's life as CEO of NOW MUSIC and nothing I have written should remove from the efforts of his equivalent  Kennis music D1 and I am talking about Tony Anifite with whom I never tire of talking music and everything entertainment. Tony is a very very very correct guy.

Efe, 2face, Cecil Hammon (Rhythm Unplugged) Dbanj, Bankuli
So hear Efe talk about his plans and what he does

"Ok. July opened with Live Lounge and it hosted the release of D’Beat album launch. That was July 5 and it was a massive moment for the fantastic talents who won StarQuest 2011 and have had to wait for more than a year for their promised debut album to finally drop.
Three days later, July 8 at Club Rumours, we hosted the blast off parley for the United Sounds of Africa tour. We had laboured hard since April to put it together working with Interglobe, Live Nation and Chocolate City, and it was another massive moment for us at Now Muzik.
All that while we have been saddled with the task of  putting together the dream collabo that features the combined talents of J. Sleek, 2face Idibia, Wizkid, Tiwa Savage, M.I, D’Banj and Foster Zeeno under the auspices of the original Naija super brand, Star. We wrapped on the 10th and got Clarence Peters on set for a ‘Let’s get the party started’ video shoot on the 12th.
We worked with the team on the Star re-launch on the 13th, were back in the studio with Clarence Peters and Timi Dakolo for the seminal ‘Great nation’ video shoot on the 15th, finalized arrangements for Faze‘s ‘Re-FazedAugust 8 release party on the 16th and once again, we were back in the studio on the 19th with Clarence for the ‘Ihe Neme’ video shoot, the first video off 2face’s ‘Away & Beyond’ album.
In between, we were coordinating J. Martin‘s tour of Houston, Dallas, Boston, Montreal and Calgary."