Thursday, December 5, 2013


ABDUL: Ena, Ena, Omonigho has left me

Ena: na so I hear. Wetin happen sef. Wetin you do?
ABDUL: I did nothing.

Ena: She just wake up say she no do again? That na spiritual things oh!

ABDUL: No. The thing is a guy hit her car. It was a mere scratch ....

Ena: Ehen....dem scratch her reason to break up nowadays? Na you dey drive? You drive carelessly?

ABDUL: No Ena. You know I am meticulous. You always say that

Ena: Okay finish the story. You know say all this kine story dey sweet me like overripe  dodo

ABDUL: Man mi, she was moving straight and this fool came and hit her. Before I knew, she jumped out and started shouting at the guy.

Ena: ah ah. Ehen....

ABDUL: So I rushed out and was telling her to cool down. That I will pay for it

Ena: Fair enough. So?

ABDUL. My girl still continued insulting this guy told her only ashewo's have no respect for men.

Ena: Okpetu. The film done dey tough. wetin come happen?

ABDUL: My girl said "It is your mother and your mother's mother that is ashewo. You don't know your father. Ask your mother to tell you who your father is.


ABDUL: I just heard a loud sound like twa! I did not see my girl anymore.

Ena: as as how?????

ABDUL: I turned to look at where the loud sound came from and when I turned back, she was gone.

Ena: Shoo.

ABDUL. I then looked at the floor and there she was. Very calm

Ena: Wetin you come do?

ABDUL: The guy entered his car and left. Me? I helped my girl get up and as she entered the car, she drove and left me standing there.

Ena: why?

ABDUL: I had to take a cab home. I called and called. I went to her house, the gateman would not let me in.

Ena: shooo sake of say what?

ABDUL: It was later, after like 200 phonecalls that she told me what I did wrong

Ena: Which was?

ABDUL: Said I did not fight the guy

Ena: as as how?

ABDUL: That someone hit her car, that I ought to have been the one even shouting at the guy then she would be the one cooling me down

Ena: So that na u go receive that invisible slap abi???? And u sure say that kind of girl go cool you down abi she go put fire make una fight well well. Me, I dey know the kine girl I dey dey with wey I go take rake for person. Some kine girls, as you dey rake, instead them go say "honey it is enough, let us go" Them go say "Ena, make I help you hold your shirt make blood no stain am. E done SETigooo Yayyyyy." Them go dey rake on your behalf dey tell your opponent "you done die for my guy hand today" Like say dem do "otishe" or "nack and fall" or "gedu" juju for you wey you go use win the fight.

ABDUL: Exactly! She said I do not love her or else I would have fought with the guy. How does she expect me to be fighting on the street?

Ena: You no dey fight for street, na where u dey for fight? U for carry the guy go there

ABDUL: Stop being funny.

Ena: Hope you tell your girl say "I am a lover not a fighter"?

ABDUL: Stop playing please. I love her

Ena: She done tell you. If to say you love her, you would have fought for her

BELLO: You done see me fight once? No be we dey read atmosphere then know when to leave?

Ena: so wetin you want do?

ABDUL: No seriously, did she not see these rough dudes before she chose me? have I not always been gentle? is that not what she told everyone she likes about me? What if the guy beats me up. Don't you know the disgrace? My lip will be swollen.

Ena: Na that lip she go like to kiss as una reach house. The kine okware she for give u, bulb for ceiling  go blow. In fact Na now I know why girls dey like Boma and Jaguda like dem 2pac. Stubborn boys.

ABDUL: So what do I do?

Ena: Next time you go fight if she find trouble???

ABDUL: I have no choice. Even if they beat me I will fight. I cant afford to lose her

Ena. So u go gree make dem use blow design all ur lip because of her?

ABDUL: Yes. In fact, I will start taekwondo or Karate lessons. I will do body building. anything for her

Ena: Ok. I see say she hold your mumu switch. E good. Na this kind of one dey lead to marriage. Ok, see the plan. Since she like fight, we go wait outside. As she enter, you go go meet the gateman.

ABDUL: He won't let me in.

Ena: Correct. If he try to stop you, you go used this wood break all the louvers for the gateman house. Na that one we dey call "awareness". As you dey burst am, you dey shout like Tarzan. As the gateman near you, you go burst am one correct headbutt for chest, make head no pain you. as you head am, he go stagger go back. No give am space. Put strong blow for him jaw. Make sure say u dey shout as you dey do am make she for see u. Then kolobi the gateman. Dey shout say "I will kill him. I will kill anybody who stops me from you.

ABDUL. And what will you be doing?

Ena. I go dey far dey look whether police dey come.

ABDUL. You mean you wont help me....

Ena: When you and her dey enter room, you done call me come help you once? U WELL??? I say I go help u loook road if police or the area boys dey come. I go blow whistle then I go run leave you.

ABDUL ...errrr Okay. But okay, let me call my doctor, so he treats us after the fight.

Ena: U really want do am?

ABDUL: Yes....lets go. She will be home soon.

Ena: Na now I know why u be my friend since. Na me just dey do all ur strategizing. ekpa fefe. You want fight gateman wey no do you anything true true?

ABDUL: Even if I have to bite him I will

Ena: Mumu like you. Make we dey go. We go give the gateman like 15 thousand naira make he for let you beat am well well. Abi you think say wrestlemania na real???????