NURSING SOYINKA by ENA OFUGARA

The legend himself enters from yet another gruelling day. He is led by the driver Kunle into the expansive sitting room and I take him by the hand and try to take him inside to first change his diapers which he wears discreetly underneath his clothes to avoid urinary accident from a bladder weakened by age and not a few bottles of rum

WOLE SOYINKA (WS) :I want to rest. Let me sit down

ENA OFUGARA : Yes sir.

(I lead him to his favourite chair in front of the television. Beside the chair are newspaper cuttings of the day he got the Nobel Prize for Literature. He picks up the newspaper gingerly as he always does)

WS: I am the Nobel Laureate. I won it fair and square. Not Chinua Achebe, Not Chinua Achebe. Me, Akinwande Oluwole Soyinka, I am the Nobel Laureate.

ENA OFUGARA: You are sir.

(I take off his shoes and socks which as is usual emits a stench as with all human feet having worn shoes for a long time and I smile thinking to myself how the Nobel Prize does not reduce the smell of a man's stockings

WS: They are all jealous of me...Leopold Sedar Senghor especially. Who is he? I am the Nobel Laureate not he. Is it because Nigerians are stupid and did not elect me their president like Senegal did Leopold? Imagine he ruled them for 20 years and I have not even ruled my local government. Is it not the same poems we both write? Am I not a better poet eh...what is your name?

ENA OFUGARA: Ena sir, Ena Ofugara sir

WS: Am I not a better poet?

ENA OFUGARA: (Thinks of TELEPHONE CONVERSATION and ABIKU by Wole and then of PRAYER OF THE MASKS wherein was written
 "In your own image...hear me!
Here dies the Africa of Empires - it is the agony of a ruined
   princess
And of Europe to whose navel we are bound.


and also
`Have you not felt the force of my loins, the power of my muscular
   will?
I know winter will be illuminated by a long soring day:
That the smell of Earth will intoxicate more than the perfume of
   flowers
And she will offer firm breasts to tremble under the Conqueror's
   caress;'     by Sedar Senghor and since I was no saint and I am paid to make him feel good I replied)

You sir.  You are the best sir

WS: Then why is he regarded as the best poet from Africa?  Why is his Negritude the greatest intellectual movement from Africa? Answer me young man...

ENA OFUGARA...eh....

WS: Why will Senegalese people vote him as president and he rule them for over twenty years? He spent two years in jail, I spent two years in jail. Is it because his was by Germans during World War 2 and he was bold to shout "Vive Le France Vive Le Africa" even with German guns trained on him? Is it because even after then he continued to be part of the French resistance...after being a prisoner of war? I could have joined the army. I could have.

ENA OFUGARA: Yes you could sir

WS: No. They will beat me too much. I do not have the discipline. I am born to be boss always. I cannot brook competition nor take command.

ENA OFUGARA: No you cannot sir

WS: (Angrily) Are you mad? Are you surreptitiously insinuating that I am not good enough for the army?

ENA OFUGARA: You are sir. More than good enough.

WS: Negritude my foot. Do you know Leopold used voodoo?

ENA OFUGARA: No sir

WS: He does. Someone wanted to shoot him. The perfectly good pistol did not fire. You do not know these francophone Africans. They like juju. It is why I am Ogun worshipper. You need voodoo to write well and survive.

ENA OFUGARA: well...

WS: Well nothing. I am telling you, to succeed you need juju. Do you know how many times I have escaped with juju? I just disappear, dematerialize. Ask Al-Mustapha. I was seeing him, he was not seeing me when Abacha sent him and Rogers to kill me. I was a spirit standing with Ogun looking at them. They say I used a bike to escape. Iro...it is a lie. Ogun took me on his wings and we flew away from Nigeria.

ENA OFUGARA....Indeed sir

 (having taken of his shoes and shirt and having changed his diapers, I slide him into a comfortable nightdress and give him a warm glass of milk.)

WS: Chinua Achebe. He ought to be in jail..jail...jail....

ENA OFUGARA: em...he is dead sir

WS: Jail I said. What did he mean by THINGS FALL APART? That is treason. Chinua Achebe is guilty of treasonable felony. He always wanted Nigeria to break up. It is why he wrote THINGS FALL APART.

ENA OFUGARA. But sir, that was written many years before the civil war sir...published two years before Independence so it could have been written many years before

WS: And so? Does that make him the father of African Literature? Okay, so I cannot write a novel so??? I am the Nobel Leaureate. I have the award right there on that wall see! These Ibos think they can tell a story don't they? Chukwuemeka Ike and his Toads For Supper and Potters Wheel. So what if he is even more humorous than me... young man, is he more humorous than me?

ENA OFUGARA: Who sir?

WS: Chukwuemeka Ike.

ENA OFUGARA: (I think of Soyinka's attempt at humour with Lakunle's half-baked grandiloquent English....a mainstay of comedy and too cliched and I think of Chukwuemeka Potters Wheel and how the protagonist's guardian used to sign his signature on sliced yam so nobody can cut from it and I smile to myself. I dare not tell him that POTTER'S WHEEL is the funniest book ever written by a Nigerian. NO. The Prof thinks himself very humorous and I must humour him) Sir, Brother Jero had a very funny trial sir.

WS: What trial?

ENA OFUGARA: Trials of brother Jero.

WS: Did he have a trial?

ENA OFUGARA: Sir, come to the room sir. Maybe you need to sleep sir.

WS: You think I do not know my books are unreadable by the masses? You are the masses. I see it your eyes. You do not have the intelligence to grasp my meanings?

ENA OFUGARA: Exactly sir. I am the masses sir. I do not sir

WS: So you mean you have never read what I wrote?

ENA OFUGARA: I have sir. We were force...sorry made to sir. As texts for JSS 3.

WS: Which book?

ENA OFUGARA: Lion and the Jewel Sir, then in the University, trials of Brother Jero sir

WS: They call me KONGI and everytime I ask anyone about KONGI, none can tell me who he is. That is a great play. It was even made into a movie in New York. You see when he told his officers to wear trraditional African dresses as uniform....

ENA OFUGARA em...y..yes...yes

WS (stops and asks looking at me for the first time) what happened after that?

ENA OFUGARA em....em...

WS: You hippopotamus and Manatee from the Niger Delta. You Papy wata. So you have not read KONGI's HARVEST?

ENA OFUGARA...No sir. I am sorry sir

WOLE SOYINKA:  Sorry? That is preposterous. You are nothing but a harebrained, rattlebrained, scatterbrained, nincompoop

ENA OFUGARA. Yes sir, It is even written like that on my birth certificate as my description sir.

WS: (Pauses. Speaks slowly. I almost feel sorry for him) So you haven't read KONGI's HARVEST?

ENA OFUGARA No sir

WS: Ake...

ENA OFUGARA: No sir

WS: THE BEATIFICATION OF THE AREA BOY.... You must have read that because you look like one

ENA OFUGARA: No sir I have not sir

WS: (pleadingly) KING BAABU?

ENA OFUGARA: King who sir?

WS: Okay okay YOU MUST SET FORTH AT DAWN

ENA OFUGARA: No sir. My shift ends by 9 a.m sir. I cannot set forth before then

WS: You moronic, fatuous, imbecilic, inane retard. SET FORTH AT DAWN is a book I wrote.

ENA OFUGARA I am sorry sir.

WS. You cannot have read ISARA

ENA OFUGARA: Akara? I have eaten it I say as I put his food before him which he does not even acknowledge)
WS:  How old are you? So you haven't read OPEN SORE OF A CONTINENT or the sequel THE BURDEN OF MEMORY, MUSE OF FORGIVENESS? These are books as late as 2012
ENA OFUGARA: I will try sir

WS: I hate you. I hate all of you illiterates just like the First Lady Patience Janathan. You are all illiterates.

ENA OFUGARA: I can read sir and she can read as well. that is literate NO?

WS: She is a shepopotamus. She is a... hmmmm. They say because I insulted her, I am a misogynist. Let them prove it. You prove it

ENA OFUGARA: Nobody can sir, after all you have had three women as wife. Nobody who hates women will marry so many sir

WS: Good boy! They say because I called my mother "a wild Christian" so what if I call her wild? Does that mean I hate her? Don't you call your mother wild?

ENA OFUGARA: No sir

WS: And because I turned my back on her religion. How many people follow their mother's religion?

ENA OFUGARA: 99 percent of people sir

WS: So that makes me a misogynist? That I must have hated my mother deep down?

ENA OFUGARA: You tell me sir.

WS: So it is because of her that I formed a group that did not include women PYRATES? Don't you know that pirates of old believed that with women on board a ship it is bad luck?

ENA OFUGARA: Really?

WS: Yes. Women are bad luck. I have had my share of them. I KNOW

ENA OFUGARA: oh wow...

WS: They are mere domestic appendages. It is why they cannot be PYRATES and when I formed the Federal Road Safety Commision, I reduced their membership to the barest minimum

ENA OFUGARA: Wow

WS: Yes! Can you imagine me, Nobel Laureate waiting while the First Lady's motorcade passed through a street in Port Harcourt. Imagine that

ENA OFUGARA: When Michelle Obama the First Lady passes a street in the US, they also block traffic for her sir

WS: Rubbish Rubbish Rubbish. Only men should have sirens

ENA OFUGARA: And when a woman becomes president of the US like Hilary Clinton, should she have sirens and should roads be blocked for her?

WS: You are a fool young man a foooool. a dim-witted ludicruous fool.

ENA OFUGARA: yes sir

WS: Look at my works, when have I made a woman lead character? Are they not included as tools of erection as in Trials of Brother Jero and Lion and The Jewel? In Kongi, did I not make a slut of a woman who slept with two opposing men? Do not I make a woman always between two men as reason for a fight?

ENA OFUGARA: Is that what you are doing with Amaechi and GEJ Nigeria's president?

WS: There is hope for your cerebrum as yet young man, hope! It is always about the women...every crisis. It was Miriam Babangida that made them remove Ukiwe. I also fought Yar"Adua's wife for GEJ to enter. Women are trouble-makers...domestic appendages to be called to order. ordaz is ordaz.

ENA OFUGARA: I hear you sir.

WS: So when I call her shepopotamus, she should be glad a Nobel Laureate is calling her that.

ENA OFUGARA: I am sure she is very happy sir. Her husband too

WS..eh...her husband...iliterate marryer.... eh..em...em

ENA OFUGARA: What sir (I lead him to the bedroom and lay him under the covers.)

WS: I have a young wife like Ojukwu did. Ojukwu made sure the president GEJ took care of Bianca so she knows not hunger. Do you think GEJ will take care of my wife after I am gone?

ENA OFUGARA: You just called his wife a shepopotamus.

WS: ahhh Muse of Forgiveness. Amaechi has to be president or vice. He will take care of them for me. He will make her an ambassador too. He takes care of me through the Book Fairs. He will take care of my famly when I am gone.

ENA OFUGARA: If he wins sir. The incumbent looks set to retain his position sir. He is closing his ranks and settling with OBJ and Babangida and all others.

WS:Haaaa. I have to insult him and his wife some more then. she is a ...a....

(he doses off for a bit and stirs) Chinua Achebe...Chinua Achebe..You have read all his books haven't you?

ENA OFUGARA: Not all sir but THINGS FALL APART, ARROW OF GOD, MAN OF THE PEOPLE, NO LONGER AT EASE, ANTHILLS OF THE SAVANNAH and even now his THERE WAS A COUNTRY.

WS: How does he do it? Be so readable? Everywhere I go it is THERE WAS A COUNTRY. Nobody talks about my books

ENA OFUGARA: Sorry sir

WS: I am more popular abroad than in my own country

ENA OFUGARA: You are popular here too as Chinua is popular abroad.

WS: Chinua is not the Father of African Literature. He is not. I am the Nobel laureate....I am...I beat Chinua ...I won...I won..... Chinua Achebe, Patience, Patience Patience, Chinua..... (he dozes off with the names of 

Patience and Chinua Achebe on his lips)

ENA OFUGARA (And I add the final blanket over him as he falls asleep and I say a prayer for this LEGEND) As he lays down to sleep, I pray you Lord, the soul of the "great one, the top dog to keep"

The phone on his mantelpiece rings and as I rush to stop the ringing, I find I awake to my phone alarm ringing. I realize only then that I was only dreaming. The whole Soyinka/PGEJ imbroglio was getting to me. I must detox.

TELL YERIMA By ENA OFUGARA

TELL YERIMA by Ena Ofugara 

Tell Yerima the 12 year marriage amendment is not about Islam but a sexual-bend....like homosexuality...a taste. Tell him we know every man has what gets his penis up....big/small butt, big/small boobs, strong biceps and six pack in a fellow man, barely-formed vaginas, young emerging breasts still hard etc.

Also the screams. HA!. That scream of virginity...not one from fully formed hips. NO. Fully-formed hips would be able to bear the pain. She would bear it and even begin to enjoy it soon after the hymen is shattered. NO. The real one is that energizing scream from the girl-child as you penetrate. Her loud screams for her mother and father to come to her aid with none forthcoming. You pin her down....all powerful you and ravish her. Oh the sounds of her begging makes you even more turgid. You find you do not need Burantashi or any of the many phallus-hardening concoctions that are a mainstay of Hausa/Fulani pharmacology.

Tell Yerima we know it is about a lack of competition of size of the male-member. Yes. She should not compare his penis to that of an ex-lover, especially if it will be unfavourable. Yes you cannot trust some of these boys who pack a bazooka between their legs. They should not widen it for you. She should not be closing her eyes and thinking of Shehu's anaconda while your earth-worm enters. 

Yes it is not about what the Prophet (PBUH) did or else the use of camels will be approved by the senate. Why use cars when the Prophet used camels?

Also Abuja will be full of tent-like abode for our Northern senators. 

Why also do we use computers and write in English? Are you not aware the Prophet wrote in Arabic on a scroll?

Tell Yerima that the Prophet (PBUH) said that the girl should reach SEXUAL and MENTAL maturity.

First we analyse SEXUAL MATURITY. Sexual maturity cannot be said to be when the girl begins to ovulate maybe. That indeed will be even as early as seven for some girls. Is that sexual maturity or the beginning of it like corn ears beginning to show? Like sugarcane beginning to lose its first layer of leaves. Is that the best time to harvest if you want the sweetest of sugars and best of corn? Yes you can harvest then, but is that the best of time?
Also do you know the diet that was prevalent 2000 years ago. Did they, like American farms and genetically-enhanced farm methods, did Saudi arabia have steroid or fertilizer-like foods that made the women mature early and wombs fully formed?
Yerima, we know why you will not wait till the wombs and hips are fully formed.

As to MENTAL MATURITY, the reality of the life we live today....school, cars, computers, drugs, diseases, television, type of houses etc ensure we need a lot of training to be able to function optimally. The world has changed and the Prophet embraced changes in his time. He embraced technological advances. It is how he won his wars....strategy, advancement.
So if the Prophet embraced the good part of technology and education (arabic was the latest in education at that time in that region) why are we rushing the girls into marriage? Why not let them have the requisite training before marriage? why must a blood-stained hijab be the total indicator of sexual and mental maturity?

Tell Yerima all he is doing is ensuring his Northern people stay poor forever. Tell him he should come with me and open his mind and reason the following illustration.

Ask him if he feels any sympathy for the Hausa boy of 18 who took advantage of the 2 points (southerner need as much as 139 sometimes) requirement plus free food and school fees to get into a Federal Government college. Who by the usual "pass them all" he finishes and enters a university with another 120 (southerner needs as much as 270) from a total of 400 points. He finishes university and there his intellect has basically caught up with his peers from the south as his disadvantaged background has all but disappeared. He is as functional as his southern counterpart. He gets work in sokoto state civil service and has somehow, while still schooling, managed to already have two wives...child-brides...uneducated, reliant.
His promotion at work is quick and he takes one more and he has a harem of 17 kids. His third wife is the wife of his choice not forced. He met her while schooling as her own parents ensured she was not given out as a child-bride but instead gave her all the love they would give a boy-child. She is a medical doctor (yes the girls can be as smart as southern girls if given a chance) and so she agrees, like a faithful, well-educated, well-raised muslim girl to be a third wife. 
She has three children in no time. It is a marriage of love and desire as between adults. 
And then while traveling to Abuja for a possible appointment in the Senate, he has an accident and he dies.
The mourning is much but the third wife, widowed, is yet able to carry on and raise children that will be an honour to their father.
The first two child-brides, not more than 23 with four children each, and little skills and preparation for a complex world where you must have a paper called a certificate to have guaranteed pay, struggle to raise their sons and daughters who now know hunger and then anger. And come the clerics with message of hate.

"It is the society that has ensured your poverty upon your father's death. Nobody loves you except Allah and you must love Allah back by killing infidels and traitors of Islam."

So while the widowed doctors children are still brought up in love and honour of their father, the other children are now soldiers of a warped teaching of Islam that never stresses these word "Allah is merciful".

Ask Yerima why with all the oil wealth with which Allah blessed the soil underneath where they stand, there is still poverty in Muslim lands. Then Tell Yerima that it is because most of the muslim lands fetter half their workforce...WOMEN. Tell him they rather keep them simply for fucking than for working. Tell him they are no more than vaginas and wombs instead of the intelligent companion/partners Allah intended Hawa to be to Adamu. (adam and Eve)

Tell Yerima that the Prophet treated Aisha well but then Allah had not given mankind the knowledge to make the society fit for a working woman. That since then the knowledge has come forth from thee creator and even trains and trailers and cranes are so easy to operate, women work them and build bridges and construct skyscrapers. Tell him in the Prophet (PBUH) time, there was not this revelation and since he is the last prophet, no one will bring this revelation to them if they do not use the very brains Allah has blessed them with to realize this.

Tell Yerima that Muslims in England and America will go to parradise and that Allah will welcome the girls who are doctors and lawyers as well into his kingdom as long as they followed his dictates and were good muslims.

Tell Yerima that the fact an Egyptian parent could give their child to him in marriage is nothing but child-prostitution. 
Tel him that in Islam, the child cannot be forced but that science has shown that such consent is vitiated by her young age.
Tell him he is raping that child
Tell him that even with the fact of her age, still that girl and many other children do not want to marry strange old bearded pedophiles looking older than their father. That it is by forceful means that they get these children AND THIS IS AGAINST THE WILL AND DICTATES OF THE PROPHET
Tell Yerima that the very spirit that allowed the Egyptian parent to give him their little child is the spirit that has turned the greatest land in all the world, bringer of civilization, builder of Pyramids, to a land of hunger, hate, violence and starvation. Tell him it is an evil spirit. IT IS AZAZEL.

Tell Yerima that still we plead for our compatriots cursed with vaginas up North, that they be allowed a chance at life. That they be spared the agonies of early pregnancy and attendant diseases like VVF. Tell him we love Hauwa Baba Ahmed as she reads the news in her Hijab on NTA. 

Plead with Yerima that the Bible is filled with instructions that are akin to what they practice in Islam but Christians have been smart about it and that is why even the Holy land of Saudi Arabia with all the oil cannot compare standard of living with Sweden, Norway Luxembourg etc whom Allah gave little in comparison in natural resources but loaded with intellect. Tell him Muslims must be intelligent about this or face eternal backwardness.

Tell him even that oil in about a hundred years will be of little use to Europe. It is already of little use to America as America now has more oil than Saudi Arabia through the discovery of fracking. Indeed Allah blesses, but he seems to be blessing infidel lands more than he is blessing the holy ones. (we are not to question him in his choices. I agree) But if Muslim lands continue to shackle and make half their population...WOMEN to continue being dependants and minuses instead of pluses, THE POVERTY SHALL INCREASE AS THE EARTH AGES.

Finally, tell Yerima he must stop the rape and wickedness he is meting to children. Tell him that for a little price we will get slim child-looking breastless girls who are of age to SCREAAAAAAM and CRYYYYYYYYYY for him and act like his penis is LARRRRRRGEEEEE and make him feel like a real MANNNNNNNNN and POWERFULLLLLL so he can let children be children, happy in a world Allah intended for them. 

HAUWA WAS NOT A CHILD BUT COMPANION TO ADAMU IN THE GARDEN OF ADN. again JEDDAH WAS NO CHILD

ORJI UZOR KALU vs PROF WOLE SOYINKA....when tact and common sense trounces academic brilliance. BY ENA OFUGARA

ORJI UZOR KALU vs PROF WOLE SOYINKA....when tact and common sense trounces academic brilliance. BY ENA OFUGARA

I love Professor Wole Soyinka. I believe my lascivious/amorous witty style of writing is a poor....very poor imitation of his. YES HE IS MY HERO. 
I also totally admire his readiness to bleed and indeed his bleeding for Nigeria and I want to believe i share same desire....even though yet to be proven. His "THE MAN DIES in all who keep silent in the face of tyranny" is my mantra and it is in following this his quote that I do not keep quiet over his recent attack on the First Lady of Nigeria.

I have often wondered why Prof Soyinka, despite his clear interest in party/partisan politics has never been truly followed... he and Gani Fawehinmi and of course Femi Falana. I have asked myself if it is some kind of self-destruct button that the Nigerian voting populace has that makes us choose people of unproven integrity that we rather vote instead of these men whose brilliance is globally recognised and whose love for Nigeria is without question. Yes I have laid on my bed pondering this many a time.

Soyinka's last press conference gave me the epiphany. Like Archimedes I screamed EUREKA!!! And the answer is TACT. 

There are various definitions of this word. One dictionary defines it as "Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending."
Another says it is " a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense"

The merriam-webster.com/dictionary even gives an example that is instructive "The peace talks required great tact on the part of both leaders"

So when Soyinka holds a press conference and attacks another man's wife...sorry THE PRESIDENT'S WIFE and asks her to "be a lady" implying the first lady is not a lady. And also not adducing any evidence to buttress such a viewpoint and instead blaming someone with no constitutional powers for actions of men over 18 years...men chosen by their people as leaders....and doing this IN A PRESS CONFERENCE had me nonplussed.

Who refers to the First Lady as a "mere domestic appendage of power"? in any country of this world? Do not they know the wife plays a key role in getting votes for the husband? Is Michelle Obama not revered globally? Has the Queen Of England ever hugged any human being aside Michelle? Is her qualification for that embrace not because of Obama being president? IS SHE A DOMESTIC APPENDAGE OF POWER????? Who in this century still considers women DOMESTIC??? Is the prof not aware that women now earn even more than men in Nigeria as the beautiful brilliant ones are snapped up quickly by employers? Are our most powerful ministers these past years not been women viz Dora Akunyili and Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala? What men tower above these women? So why call her DOMESTIC. Is this not an antediluvian mindset? 

But this is Nigeria. The Nigerian woman despite being some of the most fertile both in womb and in the cerebrum in all the earth, still does not realize her potentials and her rights and that those rights begin with correcting mental attitudes of their males. They do not picket the National Assembly to have domestic violence laws passed. They do not know to influence the National Assembly to make laws that guarantees no man can kick them out of a house after they have toiled with him to build it. They do not know they deserve "half", even when like Soyinka desires, they were "domestic" and raised the kids and did not work. They do not know to make laws that will stop a man's son from coming from nowhere and inheriting the man's house upon his passing thus rendering them HOMELESS and unable to live in a house they help build and have lived in and coursing her and her children hardship as the strange son, perhaps never acknowledged or even disowned by the father, takes over the building.  And of course they do not know to TACKLE THE PROFESSOR FOR CALLING A POSITION THEY BY RIGHT OCCUPY AS WINDS BENEATH PRESIDENTIAL WINGS (FIRST LADY) "mere DOMESTIC appendage of power." 

Now compare Orji Uzor Kalu's comments. Bear in mind that like Bola Tinubu, Orji Uzor Kalu has no former university classmate that is alive who remembers him in class. THEY WERE BOTH SPIRITUAL STUDENTS. Indeed Orji has not written books of global significance nor the first black African to win the Nobel Laureate Prize for Literature. Yet his op-ed on the Rivers imbroglio is miles and miles more useful than that of the genius Soyinka.

While Soyinka chose only one woman to blame for ALL THE PROBLEMS IN RIVERS STATE as if before now Rivers had always been peaceful, while his vitriol was targeted at Patience Dame Jonathan, Orji Uzor Kalu went deep into the root cause of the imbroglio. He spoke to all parties concerned. He apportioned blame where it lay...and intelligently too. For instance, despite all the GEJ vs Amaechi, he first said GEJ was not involved then in the body spoke to GEJ like he was involved. He massaged GEJ's ego then pricked it. Then asked that GEJ forgives Amaechi for any wrongs he may have done.

He told Amaechi he was popular. Then reminded him of the powers of the president as he himself experienced against OBJ. He reminded Amaechi that the minute he loses power, he is NOBODY. His words were words on marble

Now juxtapose the words and actions of a world-renowned University professor with that of the University certificate forger and you will find that the difference is TACT. Orji Kalu's words are as potent and poignant. HE TOLD AMAECHI IT WAS WRONG FOR HIM TO DISOBEY THE CLEAR DICTATES OF HIS PARTY AND CONTEST FOR THE NGF. HE ASKED HIM TO FORM HIS OWN PARTY IF HE WANTS TO BE RECALCITRANT.

HE TOLD GEJ HE WAS PETTY....Fighting with a governor and over what? He showed GEJ was distracting himself. 

Now these are clear attacks but coated in honey. They are vinegar pills in vanilla capsules...and yet as healing.

Soyinka's??? HA!!! The scenarios it could lead to are;

1. Patience Jonathan insults him back with very terrible english like "it is not by seniorship and white bearbear that person have sensing. My husband GEJ has make it to numba one man in Nigeria, highest than your full village and you, under my umblera era era eh eh eh, under my umblerah." 

2. GEJ gets angry and sends his wife packing and we now have first president to drive his wife and throw her load outside of Aso Rock 

3. Make Amaechi and his supporters feel justified and break more maces and skulls.

4. Bring a new dimension and party (wole Soyinka) to the equation. (as he basically has done)

5. Annoy Patience and GEJ and have them even more determined to see Amaechi out including the OBJ-like use of EFCC as enemy-hunters

6. Have Patience insult his much younger wife who he basically has DOMESTICATED as we do not see or read of her. (if no be say we dey the area for Atufe wey he come marry the small girl wey must dobale and wey dem fit easily call to order)
Indeed when I first published this article on my facebook status, people in agreeing with me that Soyinka is a male-chauvinist pointed to the fact the "group" he formed excludes women and also asserted (I cannot confirm this) that he has been divorced twice and married thrice. Now for a Nigerian of his era where divorce was an aberration, this must be a pointer to not just chauvinism but perhaps misogyny. Yes, perhaps Soyinka disrespects women a bit too much. 

I can go on and on and you can attack me all you want for having an opinion and voicing it about such an icon. But not to derail by trying to attack my person, (who I be? Attack jor, I MUST TALK as my Oga Soyinka say make Man no Silent or he die) The real criticism of this write up is WOLE SOYINKA'S APPROACH AND ORJI UZOR'S APPROACH, WHICH SHOWED TACT, INTELLIGENCE, BRILLIANCE, COMMONSENSE, EXPERIENCE etc etc. The answer to that will show you why Orji Uzor Kalu will run for president in 2019 and be a major force while if Soyinka ran, he will be a sidekick like Gani Fawehinmi. THE REASON IS TACT AND COMMON SENSE.

JESUS OF THE YORUBAS by Ena Ofugara

Religion has always been a tool of subjugation. You cannot truly lead control a people unless you give them your God. King Nebuchadnezzar knew this hence he made it a law for Jews not to pray to any other god but his and which led to his throwing Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego in the Fiery Furnace and Daniel in the Lion's Den. Emperor Constantinople knew this so he made Christianity a state religion. The cross was the symbol with which soldiers were to march. The prophet Mohammed knew this and so till date Arabs will die for the cause. Rome continues this through the Pope and Great Britain knew to come to Africa with the gun and the Bible.

Thus you can appropriately say that he who controls the spiritual life and thinking rules the people.

I have often wondered if Niger Deltans understand just how much we rely on the Yorubas for spiritual direction. Ok, thru Idahosa, the Edos have learnt to believe that God can lead them through one of their own. Pastor Chris Oyakhilome has taken his spiritual leadership to heights unimaginable and you can almost tell the church an Esan attends. It is very likely to be Christ Embassy. So do not be surprised if my "blooder" Iriogbe Kingsley takes up the maddest defense of Pastor Oyakhilome.

However for the average Niger Deltan from Sapele thru Asaba, over Bayelsa to Akwa Ibom and Port Harcourt, if it is not a church formed by the Yorubas, they will not worship....save for the Roman Catholics amongst them.
The Anglican church has at its helm Yorubas.

My mother is Baptist and I know for spiritual absolution, she and the rest of the Baptist Church leadership arrive at Ede, a Yoruba village. The top echelon of the church are Yorubas.

The most influential church in the 80's was Deeper Life as formed by Kumuyi a Yoruba.

The most popular church which has knocked Christ Embassy from its perch is The Winner's Chapel as formed by David Oyedepo a Yoruba. In fact, Winner's Sapele became the in-place to be under Yoruba pastorship. My people just flocked down leaving Catholic Church, Baptist, Methodist and Christ Embassy in droves.

Redeemed also is impacting the whole of the Niger Delta and the membership grows exponentially and the church was formed by a Yoruba and the current G.O is Adeboye and he is Yoruba.

These Yoruba pastors are aware of their target demographic (I refuse to say customers) hence their camps are in Mowe/Ibafo on the outskirts of Lagos, easily accessible by travelling "pilgrims" from Delta and Edo and other southern states...Yes, Omobude and Ayo Oritsejafor no longer have the following they used to. While Pastor Oyedepo is on his fourth jet, people do not believe Pastor Ayo's congregation is rich or many enough to afford a plane hence the insistence that it is the President that bought it for him.

Now a fact people refuse to admit is that another Yoruba spiritual leader is in their homes and lives and has the ultimate secret but utter belief and he is Pastor T.B Joshua. People's television are tuned in to Emmanuel TV by default. Also what you may not know MANY PEOPLE PAY THEIR TITHES TO SYNAGOGUE AND NOT THE CHURCH THEY ATTEND IN THE NIGER DELTA.

Yes Ikhortoun Lagos where the church is located  may be too faraway and "sojourns" and "pilgrimages" to The Synagogue may not yield the desired result as seeing the pastor who is highly sought after by Kings and Presidents of various countries, may be a task too difficult to achieve. However, your tithe may get you healed and indeed "be it unto you according to your faith"

Are you old and not yet married? Well Pastor Bimbo Odukoya (now late) would have ahad a thing to tell Jesus about your situation in her Fountain of Life Ministry.

Now as it relates to pregnancies, if the fruit of the womb is not forthcoming despite your best efforts at the  horizontals, The Laughter Foundation Church as headed by Pastor Gbenga Osho popularly known as Baba one Million Babies”" will tell Jesus to thicken the sperm and add Michael Phelps-like swimmers and egg bursters  and fertilize the egg....even if the woman does not see her time of month, as in she is past menopause.

Now make no mistake, I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. In fact, I playfully call myself Prophet TB Ena in clear passing off of the Pastor TB Joshua brand. I have found that thoughts that come to me usually come to pass and frankly it scares me sometimes how I go out on a limb and I find that 95 percent of the time, against better judgement, I am right. I also believe that God does not care what tribe one comes from even if they all are from one tribe.... The Jews were/are chosen. It is why I am wondering if Yorubas have been chosen as the spiritual head of the Niger Deltans.

I mean, Kefee the Urhobo music icon goes to Lagos and instead of attending Pastor Chris Okotie who is a musician like her, she gravitates seamlessly to House on The Rock, pastored by another Yoruba Pastor Adefarasin.

Now as is done in biology, let us look at the "economic importance" of Niger Deltans unshakeable belief in Yorubas as their spiritual head.

1. The moneys leave the Niger Delta and enriches the West

Yorubas are tooooo brilliant. They may not have much oil (save Ondo) But they have the wealthiest Nigerians. Until Dangote's recent rise, the top 3 richest Nigerians were Harry Akande, MKO Abiola and Fernadez....all Yoruba. The wealthiest black woman in all the world is a certain Yoruba woman and it is from Niger Delta Oil. In the same vein, the Yoruba pastors are siphoning ten percent of each Niger Deltan's earning. That is not all, they get "seeds", vows, partnerships, give your all etc monies and em...actually....em....it does not find its way back to the Niger Delta but to the US, and to Maybach (really expensive car) and Jet manufacturers.

2. The Niger Deltan's psyche is thus favourably disposed to Yorubas

as leaders and us as subjects or mere "church members". It is why Ibori will be a thief to the Niger Deltan while Tinubu is a demi-god....when Tinubu is as much if not even more of a thief.

3. President Goodluck Jonathan must "dobale" openly too get spiritual guidance.

Now make no mistake, I SEE NOTHING WRONG IN KNEELING OR EVEN LYING DOWN FOR YOUR GOD IN FRONT OF HIS PROPHET, but the fact remains that anyone seeking higher office from the Niger Delta has to be endorsed/supported by the Yoruba clergy

4. The Niger Delta will never break off and form a new country from Nigeria without the Yorubas coming along

(you want break from your pastor????)

5. Two Yoruba men can influence how Niger Deltans act even in their bedrooms. THEY ARE THAT POWERFUL. Since Pastor Adeboye said cunninglingus and fellatio are bad and immoral even between a husband and a wife, many husbands with "born again wives" have found the matrimonial bedroom less exciting and satisfying, and vice versa. Remember, just because you see papa and mama Ebiye going to church together always, that they both are strong believers. Mama Ebiye may not really like God in the way Papa Ebiye does and she may need a little more than hip action and the "First missionary journey"


Yes we have an exception in Pastor Chris Okotie. But he is not so followed back home. WE ARE ONLY USED TO YORUBAS AS JESUS CHOSEN SPIRITUAL LEADERS in the Niger Delta. The spiritual exploits of the Okonkwos mean little to the Naija Deltans. YOU MUST BE YORUBA or at least Edo named Chris Oyakhilome.

For those who feel it is because there are no Niger Delta Pastors, I hereby introduce  you to Saint Dikeji Miyerijesu Nigeria's First Saint Ordained By God (formerly Mimeyeraye). His appelations include but not limited to "Rt. Rev. Evang. Daniel Dikeji MiyeriJesu, The Demon Destroyer, aka Osu (Leader), Founder, God’s Grace Ministry Inc. And by the Divine Grace of God, the Bishop of the whole world."
Yes he said he was ordained by God himself as first Bishop of the whole world and now he is a living saint. A worshipper informs us "Bishop Daniel Dikeji MiyeriJesu was not ordained by any human being either dead or alive. He was ordained by God Himself. Amazing!

The Bishop of the whole world
Few years ago, Bishop Daniel Dikeji MiyeriJesu had a dream in more than two occasions where the Lord came and laid hands on his head. The exercise became so frequent that when the Bishop wants to go to bed in the night, he would be afraid because of the mighty hands that always come on his head and at the same time exerting pressure on his neck. The hands would rest upon his head so mightily that even in reality he would be experiencing pains around his neck. In the course of this occurrence, God spoke to him that “He was ordaining him as the Bishop of the whole world”. In another occasion, the Lord God Almighty carried him up to the sky and he was asked to draw a line round the sky with his hand. This he did and the Lord said unto him, “what you have done means that, through you I will convert the lost souls in the whole world to my kingdom.”
Another worshipper told me where I went to eat Owobeans and starch and tico meat and yam combination in Reclamation road, opposite Cherubim and Seraphim (another Yoruba formed church) that Pastor Miyerijesu, Dikeji, the Osu (leader) and Bishop of The Whole World went to Heaven and God asked Jesus to stand up from the chair for him to sit down so they can discuss....He and The Creator of Heaven and earth.

Now make no mistake, this guy has almost as much signs and wonders like Prophet TB Joshua. He is ridding Urhoboland of the worship of "Olokun and Igbe Dancing" He is killing witches and demons and actually prospering businesses....at least in his many worshippers belief.

As usual I write this to make us all aware of what we have been doing for a while now....belief in only Yoruba Pastors. Won't it be beneficial to us more if we had Faith Tabernacle in Jesse Town or Koko so that  developmnt may be dragged down to the place as it is happening in Mowe Ibafo? There are many Urhobo, Ibo, Ijaw, Kwale, Akwa Ibom etc pastors near you needing you to "believe and receive" God's blessings.....even if you do not want to worship with your fellow Niger Delta Saint Dikeji Miyerijesu Nigeria's First Saint Ordained By God Bishop of the Whole World.