Wednesday, September 9, 2015


Ena: Shuo, my guy, I dey see ur facebook status say you put single. You never tire to be wrapper wey dey be single? What of theat your babe wey you and am done dey reach like 5 years. Wetin happen again
My Guy: Ena, na long story.
Ena: Guy gist me jor. Wetin happen? I dey feel say your wedding naim go be this year make I show.
My Guy: Shw if you want show. No dey put am for wedding head.
Ena: Tell me naaa. Wetin happen?
My Guy: She dey train anyhow training.
Ena: I no understand.
My Guy: She dey mistrain.
Ena: Talk well.
My Guy: She dey intimidate me. Make I tell you well. Shebi you know say me I like potoic girls
Ena: Potoic na that we slang wey mean say girl body soft well abi?
My Guy: America no change you at all. Ehen. That sweet potoic girl wey her body soft well like pillow, small time she begin dey jog anyhow. 5 a.m she done comot for bed dey go jog. I go want make use of my morning erection take rush one, I no go see her. Well, I no talk. Next thing I see, she begin do press up. If she dey do the press up, na so she go squueze face dey look me....55, 88 93...101. Na so she go dey intimidate me with the big number she dey call. She know say me, ten press up abi na push up, I done tire. She go dey do 105, 115.
Ena: So because she sabi press up pass you naim. You follow her dey train na
My GUy: GUY KPROORRR!!! I try am. Na so body start to pain me. No be small big stout I take relax the muscle well.
When she dey do the press up, my question na why she dey look me? No be to threaten me? 119 ...125. Okay. Girls dey put picture for instagram dey show fine cloth, food wey dem cook, new cloth... even show cleavage, my babe say na to dey show her flat belle and six packs wey she done dey get.
Ena; Meanwhile you, your belle na 1 pack. Channel O. The earth is spherical!
My Guy: Exactly. If I dey hold my potoic babe now, I go dey feel like say me na gay. All the small small flesh for corner of her belle wey I take dey hold am, no one dey again. Even the yansh come dey strong like babe wey tight yansh make she for no mess.
Ena: hahahaha You no well ohh Na fitness and health.
My Guy: I well. I well well well. Make I call all the athletes wey done die young? Wetin come break the camel back na when I come see her wear all those Bruce Lee dress. She say she dey learn Karate abi na Kung Fu ab na taekwondo. FOR WHAT? wetin I do her?
Ena: Na self defense naaaa.
My Guy: Self defense from who? Six years wey we dey friend, na only once I done slap am, and na because of one guy wey she say na her toaster. I dey one joint, the guy brin am. That na 3 years ago. Just one small hot slap. Na so she fall for the slap, start to cry. As she dey cry na so my heart melt. Na so we take go bed know.... Now I fit try am? If I raise hand say na slap, no be she go dodge am use the aikido she dey learn use me take saigbe??
Ena: hahaha. "Saigbe" e done tay I hear that word.
My Guy: Me no be hear I go hear am. Na experience. This girl as I dey look am dey do one hand press up, I say no be my body she go experiment all the yeye carry train. NO BE ME!!! My brother dey stay my estate. Some of our classmate dey stay my estate. You wey dey hear all the gist, no be me dem go carry news say my wife dey beat shit comot for my body. I dey drink beer, she dey drink protein shae and energizer. I dey sleep, she dey do press up. Guy, BONE!!! I pack leave everything for the house for am. If rent due, she fit stay or pay. Me I done hold one small flat for VI there. I dash am the Lekki flat.
Ena: No do like that naaa. Na good girl. No be person dey marry female wrestler?
My Guy: I no see stadium and girls wey dey train there before I spin her?
Ena: So Serena Williams...
My Guy: Na Venus me like.
Ena: Guy, no do..
My Guy: Shuooo Wetin I done already do? My pikin go come one day see my wife gimme champot abi na headlock. Na so I go just dey bottom, she go dey my top. I go dey beg am "honey please" or I go just colapse for the chokehold. ejoo. Mbano! NO BE ME
Ena: So your grounds for leaving her no be say she cheat on you?
My Guy: Cheat on me ke. Man go friend and marry woman wey if she cheat he no go fit beat am. Na she go come beat am join again? GOD FORBID!!! Soft body no soft again. For embrace, hand no dey full again. Be like I dey embrace 14 years smallie. see see Ena, abeg talk another thing. Make she go find man wey like muscles. I know go see soft pillow say na Olumo Rock I go put head.
Ena: Marry never hungry you
My Guy: Guy fade. Me know wetin I like. No be me and you them go use karate beat in case of casala. Guy Kprorrr. I no fit live life of shame for my children eye. MOMMY MUST NOT BE ABLE TO BEAT DADDY.