Thursday, August 1, 2013
WHY DECENT/GOOD GIRLS MARRY LAST By Ena Ofugara
I know toooooo manyyyyyyy excellent sisters some of whom I spent enough years in school with to know they are excellent well-brought up girls and I see many are still single. One or two I can even swear are still virgins sef.... that is how decent I view them. (Me I no know oh. I no do "egg test". Emphasis is on "view")
With all the "I want a decent, Christian/Muslim well-brought up girl as wife" that is uppermost in many bachelors mouth when asked their choice of woman to marry, how come the "decent Christian/Muslim well-brought up girl" is the last to be snapped up by eligible bachelors?
I have taken the pains to enumerate a few reasons that come to me why the good sisters apparently end up being single the longest. Here are a few of them
1. THE LUSTRE
Some diamonds are so pretty and bright, everyone assumes the diamond is too good for them or too expensive or already taken. Many men disqualify themselves long before the criteria is set, so they never find out if they are good enough or not. Seriously how many brothers have the confidence to approach a beautiful medical doctor driving a 2011 Honda Accord and being "dobale'd" for with "doctor, doctor doctor" calls following her? How much worse is a lawyer who many already feel that "hmmm that one wey go dey correct person English naim u dey go follow? She go quote "crinkum crankum" and "higi haga" and tell you say your marriage is "floating near the Bermuda triangle" and you no go understand wetin she dey talk?"
Thus with this defeatist stance of potential husbands, the decent doctor/lawyer/engineer/business tycoon single girl drives home to a very lonely cold bed made worse by the air conditioner in her room.
2, YERIMA COMPLEX
. To function optimally in today's society, people need at an average of 16 years of education (6,3,3,4). If you add years for being a professional or doing masters and doctorate...then even factoring strikes and maybe need to change from microbiology to medicine or Social works to Law or from OND to degree or simply not getting scores high enough first and second time or writing JME, girls are usually aged about 23-32 by the time they are done with school....32!!!! You want to kill Yerima the Senator abi??? 32!!!!
however not only the pedophile Yerima has this coplex of seeking children for marriage....okay not children but young girls between 18 and 24. These men though nearer fifty than thirty believe only little girls will obey them as our culture makes age a yardstick for respect. What they forget is that a 16 years old girl, the the man and her have begun to.. em...to....well... you know... from that minute the respect is halved...quartered and even gone. In fact, these young girls are quicker to say "stupid old man" than a more mature woman who has learnt to value the gift of a husband. But do these men know this? No! So the decent-achiever sister again goes to her bed alone while "bros" railroads the small 19 years old girl to the altar.
A lack of "menxperience" (experience with men). You start dating at 25, how do you compete with a girl that has known men since 15 and know when they are angry, hungry horny, cheating, etc etc? You are a learner in comparison.
4. SEXUAL NAIVETY
Being decent, there are a few "horizontal" things they may not agree to do. Okay you as a man has had your sexual "coming of age" (pun intended on the "coming") from friends stories and porn including the old DAUDA THE SEXY GUY comics. Then you date a girl that attends REDEEMED and who hears Adeboye say em.... you know....is bad. Now men having a very adventurous nature.....a spirit which has made us conquer everest, the moon and space, wants to experience those things he "mistakenly" read and watched and his "serious born again girl" hesitates to give him and thence comes the :strange women"....well not strange but experienced and Brother Olugbenga is shown "Heaven" now- now-now-now here on earth and not the one Pastor has been preaching about.... and there goes "heartbreak of Sister Angela
5. PROJECTING THEIR MORAL STANDARD ON THE MAN
Simply because they are faithful, they expect the greatest level of faithfulness from their men....well men....that disappointing creature that has exasperated God since Adam through David and Solomon.... men. So the first straying by the man...straying that may have been caused by sexual frustration and heaviness of the cross (Cool down, the Cross is heavy. Jesus sef fall. Na Simon of Cyrene help am carry small not to talk of ordnary man. We must fall na abi?) they hold it against the men so much and they actually call it off. Brother Cosmos begs for a while but indeed moves on "I done tire for the holy-holy sef" he says.
Now Sister "SELLina" sorry Celina, knows she sef has her "kurukere waka" which brother Cosmos knows nothing about. She will rant and rave and collect the begging sharply from Brother Cosmos knowing "she no holy pass". So at the end Brother Cosmos the "faller" marries selling Celina who even gave her other boyfriend one hot goodbye....em....em...a week to the wedding with Brother Cosmos.
6. HIDING ASSets
Sister Pristine is like a Ferrari, she never advertises. SHOWla sorry Shola on the other hand is like Toyota and will advertise endlessly. In fact, she will do promo. She will push the twins on her chest out... so out that Brother Seekiru sorry Sikiru will See(kiru) and "as far as the eyes can see, he reaches out and....
7. NOT REACHING OUT....not venturing.
Sister Ruth will "wait on the lord" for her Boaz. However since God does not put a sticker on any man saying "MARRY THIS ONE. HE IS THE GOOD ONE" many good ones pass Sister Ruth by even as Gabriel is shouting GIVE HIM A CHANCE OHHHHH! HE WILL STOP SMOKING. (as my dad did) LOOK PAST THE BENSON AND SOON YOU WILL BORN BEN a SON.
SISTER RUTHLESS on the other hand will take study a guy....warts and all and if she sees certain character traits she can work with. She will then give this "ozige guy" a shot and look beyond some annoying traits and funnily, with her own Mary Magdalene-type crying-on-Jesus-leg-use-hair-to-wash-Jesus-feet-BRIBE, her confra-smoker-partier man will just suddenly realize that he is getting older and start with Christ Embassy and "guy-guy" churching will get serious and he is using the same fervour with which he partied to serve God. There is a picture of one badooo bros back then carrying his little daughter with a clothe on his back like a village woman and wife posing with a hand on his shoulder on his profile picture. I remember shouting "shooo....na u use wraper tie pikin for your back so guy?" and his reply to me was "Ena, hope you done repent oh... Jesus na the way oh. My wife (then just wooing her) invite me come church, I go remove am come outside, na there God capture me oh"
8.LIFE IS UNFAIR
Life is not fair. Even the Bible says "The first shall become the last." The prodigal son spent half of his father's wealth, came back and they did party for him while the Good Son was not even eating meat sef but so so sardine and crayfish.
9. IT WILL STILL HAPPEN
Look around you, many of those marriages that happened so quickly have broken up. It has been fraught with pain and anguish. Maybe God is indeed preparing a special man for the decent sister, allowing him to mature and put away his childish hurtful ways. He says in Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope"
Also remember the whole biological clock thing has become a myth. 55 year old women are giving birth to twins and triplets. Yes oh, how dem dey talk am? Delay is no denial.