Papa and Mama Bemigho in Cheating Episode.... wiseness meets wisdom BY ENA OFUGARA

Our "AKPAKO"  of the day comes from Papa Bemigho.
 Mama Bemigho being very civilized and jealous had warned Papa Bemigho that if she ever caught him cheating, that is the end of the marriage. So Papa Bemigho tried his bestestest. But to quote Jesus "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" and so Papa Bemigho started carrying Sisi Alero one fine "potokri" girl to Protea Hotel in Ekpan. Mama Bemigho with her radar (actually friends) saw Papa Bebigho with Sisi Alero, the fine Potokri yokoyoko skin girl at protea hotel and not only walked up to Papa Bemigho but picked up the phone in Papa Bemigho's presence to call mama Bemigho.

Aproko Egbegbemi: (The catcher. she starts dialing and speaks into the phone) Mama Bemigho, I dey with your husband for Protea hotel so. He is with a fine girl. He drank Guinness and ate groundnut to show he was ready for action. They have been telling me my friends husband comes here with Tseke Oyibo, I said I must see it for myself. They went up, spent two hours in Suite 205, came down and that was when your husband Tuoyo (papa Bemigho) ordered the small stout. If you see am right now, na drip you for order for am"

Papa Bemigho is silently watching the Warri Witch sent by "enemies" to destroy his home. Of course his mind does not tell him that it is he and his cheating that could jeopardize it as then no one can tell on him. But humans always blame the tattler. He ignores Aproko Egbegbemi, pays for his drinks and zooms offf with Sisi Alero.

Mama Bemigho is waiting at home. YES. She will kill him today. How dare Tuoyo? After giving him 3 sweet children. After her uncle put him in Chevron. After...he will see today.  how dare he cheat on her with that smelly ugly stupid girl (well she has never seen her but she has to call her smelly. Do these stupid Warri girls even know how to wash well? Papa Bemigho will die today. She picks up the phone and calls him. He picks it up

Mama Bemigho: Papa Bemigho, just dont bother to come to this house you hear? Just stay where you are. Did I not tell you if you ever cheat on me it is over? Just consider yourself a divorcee. Better not come to this house. Stupid man. Idiot.

Papa Bemigho: says nothing. The lines goes dead.

Mama Bemigho calls back. Phone is switched off

And she waits....and waits....and waits. 10 oclock, eleven, 3 oclock. Next morning. she waits and waits. Then she calls all his friends and none has seen or heard from him. She wonders how she can find out the place of that stuuuuuupiiiid small girl but none has seen or knows her. Papa Bemigho must die today.Let him just remain there.

she waits and waits, night ....morning

And she dozes off by 4 a.m. its been 36 hrs that she has been awake. She is woken up by noises of wardrobes opening and closing. She opens her eyes and in the semi-conscious state of sleep and wakefulness she sees papa Bemigho. She is so tired she is trying to muster up the energy to scream at him and curse the useless man out but then she sees he is silently packing two huge bags

Mama Bemigho: Where have you been???

(Silence. Papa Bemigho is packing his things. He picks up his Oritsefemi Cd lying on the ground.
Mama Bemigho is Livid she continues trying to raise her voice, suddenly finding her strength.)

How dare you Tuoyo? and where are you going

Papa Bemigho: I am moving out

Mama Bemigho is shocked. she cannot believe her eyes nor ears

Mama Bemigho: Park? To where? For what? Why?

Papa Bemigho: You remeber you said if I ever cheated on you that is the end of our marriage? Also yesterday you said I shld consider myself a divorcee. EHEN, so I guess i have to move out and i need some of my personal belongings. I am sorry I had to come home

Mama Bemigho: Tuoyo wait wait wait....

Papa Beemigho. No need to wait. I misbehaved. I did the unforgivable.  I cheated. I have to go.

Mama Bemigho: (she is confused. This is not how she planned it. No. She is an Itsekiri girl from old Warri Money. She never speaks pidgin like all these local people. She has lived her life with honour and grace. Why should she share a man and his manhood with....Bemigho is packing...but she.... she stands in front of the door as papa Bemigho struggles with the biggest bag.

You are going nowhere

Papa Bemigho: How can I be here when I am a divorcee. I have to go. Bye bye. I will come later so we can divide the children.. I will take Bemigho, you will take Misan... or anyone you want

Mama Bemigho: You are going nowhere

Papa Bemigho: But you said I should not even come back to the house yesterday. Pls let me go. I am a cheat

mama Bemigho: You are going nowhere ohhhhhhh

Papa Bemigho: See, I did terrible things. I ddo not deserve to be here. I am a useless man. I am nogood. I am... pls let me pass

mama Bemigho: Pass and go and meet who? You try well well

Papa Bemigho: Shell Ogunu girl, you speak pidgin? Na wah, pls let me pass

Mama Bemigho: I say you are not leaving this house.

Papa Bemigho: But I am a cheat. Your tatafo friend Egbegbemi with her fat Ghana yansh saw me

Mama Bemigho: Are you the first man to cheat? She should mind her business

Papa Bemigho: But...em...

Mama Bemigho: See, I am not a fool. This your style sef I know am. You go form vex comot from house, follow that girl go enjoy then after one month flexing holiday, pastor and family go come settle us meanwhile you dey flex and me, dem pay bride price for my head abi so no flexing for me? The style no work. Tuoyo keep your bag. Your food dey fridge, make I go warm am

Papa Bemigho: Na you dey speak pidgin so Mama Bemigho?

Mama Bemigho:  I get wiseness, and I get wisdom

Papa Bemigho: I don't understand

Mama Bemigho: Wiseness na the street sense. Because my papa get money and I dey go abroad for holiday no mean say I no get wiseness. If I follow you quarrel this quarrel, na me go lose. You think say u sharp abi? Wisdom is what I learnt growing up. Na make our children no go dey fail WAEC make we come dey pay expo money for them make I decide not to speak pidgin. Na from small dem dey straight K-leg. I know you think you are smart now oh. You did counter attack abi? reverse psychology. You try. Na this sharpness make I marry you in the first place. Your brain na tortoise own. But the quarrel, we must quarrel am. But come chop first. I made egbagbafofo and Starch. But we go still quarrel the quarrel

Papa Bemigho. Shakes his head and wonders how stupid he is to cheat on this his wife. His own wisseness must meet wisdom and not hurt this girl anymore.

RELEASING SOME CAPTURED BOKO HARAM MEMBERS...Clueless or inspired? BY ENA OFUGARA

To lead a land as divided as Nigeria...divided by tribe, religion, economics, education, landmass etc is not easy. Like I always have maintained, ALL AMERICANS STAND BEHIND OBAMA TO FIGHT TERROR.

In Nigeria's case, even the CBN governor apparently supports Boko Haram. All the Northern Elder and Emirs have come out to say GEJ HAS DECLARED WAR ON THE NORTH.

 For southerners or for many Christians, the words said in the TV Series SPARTACUS "Kill them all" should be the mantra for the soldiers battling Boko Haram in the three Northern States where State of Emergency has been declared. In our hearts we would not mind a little genocide to go with our breakfast lunch and dinner. And who would blame us? With over four thousand dead since 1999 to violence from Boko Haram, with the gruesome murders of Youth Corpers, Church-goers, merrymakers in bars and outright removal from homes and murder of whole families, our bile pumps more bitters than Alomo.

Add capigeria acquired and upgraded the attack drones from the Isreali military and they were hooked up with NigComSat-4 (Nigeria's most advanced Orbital Satellite). 
That is why NigComSat-4 is entire dedicated to Military issues unlike the other Satellites that are purely weather and communication birds. tion

 But vengeance is not the brief of the Nigerian army. Instead the brief is to put an end to the violence and activities of the group, attendants of which which includes where necessary killing of the sect members, capture of the sect members, liberation of areas held by sect members, discovering and confiscating arms and ammunition of sect members, securing the Nation's Northern borders, and setting up a security plan to forestall the reemergence of the sect.
The Nigerian army has shocked many of us with some of the equipment they have mustered for this battle and they have not been afraid to use it. Reports of air strikes abound. Also the information gathering seems to have been spot on. No one has accused the army of hitting civilian targets but instead attacks have thus far been rightly against these strongholds of the sect. The information is so good that even when the Boko Haram members were burying one of their own, the army swooped in and arrested a hundred and thirty plus.

While totally praising our troops and commiserating with those who have died in service of the fatherland including the helicopter shot down by a land to air missile which the army says are gotten from Libya and I daresay Mali, I urge them to have allegiance not to God or Allah, not to some tribe or region,  but to the Nigerian flag and their Commander in chief. Boko Haram is a scourge to us all, even if the Northern elites do not see it that way

The Northern elites... these age-old viruses and parasites under whose leadership the North has been underdeveloped and who should be hanging their heads in shame and ignominy, manage to remain sadly relevant. They have come out to say GEJ has declared war on the North. These same people who encouraged the fight against the Niger Delta Militants whose grouse were known, whose leaders came out and talked with open faces and who took their case international and met with sympathy, these same Northern Elders Forum that called for their annihilation has come out to say GEJ's call for State of Emergency which in many of our opinions is a year or two overdue, is a war against the North. Buhari has called for GEJ's resignation (make he hand over to you abi? mtchewww).

 However in fairness to the North, the Governor's Forum and many of the Youth Organizations have chosen to make the Northern Elders Forum into the pterodactyls that they are...sadly this time refusing to be extinct. They have come out in support of GEJ and NIGERIA by supporting the activities of the army.

But in leadership, public opinion can change in an instant. The momentum is with GEJ. His career critics are perched deciding whether to be for the SOE (state of emergency) or not to be. They are waiting on a mistake to pounce and side to choose.

Now against the backdrop of the Northern Elder's Forum's charge of war against the North, against the backdrop that true peace is the placation of various sides as opposed to reliance on violence only. As is consistent with all wars that have ended including the Biafra war, World war 2, Rwandan war etc, to seek to kill and imprison all wrongdoers is asinine. A lot of people are mere followers and the target is to capture the ringleaders, choose the ones who are amenable to reason and eliminate the ones most headstrong. The ones amenable to reason are then put in the forefront and granted amnesty and empowered to lead their people to peace. This is the only solution to lasting peace. TO GET THE LEADERS ON YOUR SIDE.

We have seen this with Tom Polo and Asari Dokubo who despite his hot air, we know he was well and truly compromised by the Federal Government of Yar'Adua. Now for other militants who are headstrong like Gen John Togo, they are immediately executed.

The same soldiers that tackled the Niger Delta Militants are the ones in the North right now. The same strategies which GEJ as then vice president must have been conversant with, are still available with a few tweaks. Yes Religion is an opium and it sadly is the main fuel of Boko Haram, it is mine and the President;s belief that Nigeria can eliminate a lot of the foot soldiers and many of the bigwigs by offering the carrot and then for the real zealots, the stick and death.

This is what has predicated GEJ's release of a number of the prisoners and all the women which has met serious criticisms.

Ask yourselves, what voices do these women have? How many times have we seen or heard that women were part of an assault team of Boko Haram? At best these women are accomplices and abettors and imprisoning them does nothing for Nigeria in the long run. Now imagine a speech by the hateful Northern Elders saying 200 Northern women are being held and rapeed in prison. Imagine how heated the polity will become.

As for the males, the Governors asked for them. I am certain they have been photographed and now these governors will attempt to break them with monetary or other offers.


Nigerians must realize that no action by any government or president will be unanimously agreed with. That our religions and regions shape our opinions more than we care to admit. Thus we must try and view decisions from other perspectives aside ours.

Also we must learn that compromise is the only way we can continue to be ONE NIGERIA.

Now what are the compromises on offer and which GEJ must preside and indeed presides over?

For the South, "the drones fly and death drops from the skies on the killers. Even if they aren't wiped out altogether, hopefully it would reduce and we can all have a moment of respite albeit short...at the least."

For Northerners, "it is not a war on us by the President. He has let our wives, sisters and mothers go free and some of our brothers too. There is money offer on the table and we can hereby better our lives"

For the Northern Governors, "a state of emergency is declared and we still get to control our monthly subventions and are still in power"

For Southern Governors, "our people will be safer and can remain in the north and not come and add to our population and problem".

For Northern Elders "Nothing this infidel can do that will impress us. He should resign. Power belongs to us or else Boko Haram should kill everybody"

For career critics headed by Sahara Reporters, Premium Times, Leadership etc "heads we insult GEJ, tails we insult GEJ."

For supporters of GEJ like myself  "Way to go sir. Carrot and stick all the way"

 I here remind all once again the purpose is not to punish but to put a stop to carnage. If the Tutsi seek to punish the Hutus, there will be no Rwanda. If Gowon had sought to punish Ibos for treason, there will be no Nigeria. If the world had decided to punish every foot soldier in Adolf Hitler's Germany, no German youth would be free today. And if America and  Japan remembers Pearl Harbour and worse Hiroshima and Nagasaki, they would not have the closest military alliance where to attack America is to attack Japan and vice versa today.

In conclusion, your views may be different from mine. We cannot all be agreed. It is why we elected a president to "use his mind" and lead us. GEJ is doing it. Let us help him with belief, faith, prayers, constructive criticism and encouragement.

And by the way F**k Northern Elders Forum. Your people suffer because of your greed, theft and feudal lordship and no reason else. LOOK IN THE MIRROR and tell yourselves the truth.











. I

IN VIEW OF THE NORTH'S POSITION..... I take mine and enjoin you to join me BY ENA OFUGARA

I do not know GEJ except as my President same way as many of you. Nor have I spoken to him nor made a kobo from anyone associated with him. I AM NOT IJAW. In fact as an Urhobo through and through (Both parents Uvwie-Urhobo) I am saddened that no Urhobo is appointed in GEJ's government and even the amnesty moneys and pipeline protection jobs  due Delta State is monopolised by Tom Polo (Ijaw), Ayiri Emami (Itsekiri)and Michael Diden (Itsekiri) with no Urhobo involved hence serious marginalization of Urhobo youths for which I can never be happy over. But I have bigger fish to fry.

 I see a more clear and present and continuing danger in how the Hausa/Fulani views the rest of Nigeria and how unlike Awolowo, Tinubu has chosen to align with the supremacists the way Azikiwe foolishly did in 1960...alliance Ibos were to regret (ask Chinua Achebe and Ojukwu, the two people with Ibo interest at heart)

I see the Middle Belters and shake my head in disgust as to how such an intelligent hard-working people can be so subservient to people they are more intelligent than.
I see Yorubas who are Muslim who tell me the Hausas will never allow a Yoruba Muslim to be Imam in their mosque.

I see Yoruba Muslims and Christians live in harmony as my experience in my year plus living in Ketu Lagos showed me, meaning it is not the religion that is the problem but the tribe using religion as a means of conquest and or annihilation of all those belonging to other tribes.

I read and listen to their Patriarch Ahmadu Bello's disgust for everything un-Hausa/Fulani and how the whole Nigeria should be Dan Fodio's "ESTATE" and how none other must ever rule.

I see how from GEJ's election night till now, the killing of Southerners have commenced unabatedly and never considered critical enough for Northern governors to meet, nor of Hausa/Fulani leaders including Buhari to berate and call an end to.

I see these and I feel shame for my fellow southerners.

I have said and will say a million times that Nigeria is a Federal state which means it is Uduaghan's duty to look after Deltans and Amaechi to look after Rivers. That each governor must question his Northern counterpart for every single member of their state killed and why. That if the governors of slain members of their states react to every single death as Americans react to each of theirs, that Ciroma and other Hausa Oligarchs would have taken the lives of Christians and Southerners more seriously than as the chicken/mosquitoes with which they view it now.

Yes na abi??? If i can kill your brothers and sisters without repercussion and even coordinated complaints from your family, why should i stop???

So like Chinua Achebe, I  offer my pen and voice (though infinitely thinner and gazillion times more muted) to the struggle for either of two things

1. A Nigeria that is free and fair to all, no matter your religion or tribe and in which the Niger Deltans have a sense of belonging and can benefit from the oil underneath their soil as Lagos Abuja, Kano and Kaduna have benefited from crude oil not under their land even (not that I mind as long as those on whose land benefit equally and owning 80 percent of it in the name of Oil Block is evil and belongs in the pit of hell). A country where any tribe can aspire to and be president without people going on rampage and killing others not of their religion or tribe

2 A total divide of the country as no one should want to belong in a country where he and his people are treated no better than a "conquered people" (as Ahmadu Bello said we are).


The choice is clear and unequivocal and I enjoin our leaders from the South to make it crystal clear to the Northerners. SOUTHERN LIVES MATTER. Love us or leave us.

And yes, the south's and indeed Nigeria's  best hope still remains GEJ

RES IPSA LOQUITUR...FOR SIR ALEX FERGUSON By ENA OFUGARA

I felt it redundant of me to sing Alex Ferguson's praise. Seriously, how many people retire and the Prime Minister of his country immediately makes a statement and quips he move over to Aston Villa his club? 
The outpouring of praise for the SIR has been torrential and I felt my mere dewdrops in a surging ocean of praise means absolutely nothing. 
Alas I was wrong. Aghomi Gabriel, Omo-Odiase Osadebamwen and a handful of others, like greedy preachers demand I add my widow's mite to the offering plate.
But what can you say abt a man who is retiring with the title? And whose squad perhaps costs half as much as the two super-monied that sit far far far below him? What greater honour is there than to retire with your crown?
Upon his appointment as Manchester United's gaffer (coach) he made a statement that was nigh impossible "we will knock liverpool off their perch". Now who dreams to do that? It is like Tottenham saying "we will knock Man Utd off their perch.
Yes United is no Tottenham but having lost their team in the Munich disaster, it was always going to be a tall order to rebuild the club how much more remove Liverpool as the Supreme British football powerhouse. Surely this was the proverbial frog trying to inflate itself to be as big as a cow. Liverpool was a European and domestic juggernaut no less.
How many years on, he has not only equalled Liverpool's record 18 League titles, but has "muni", (added) two others and Liverpool never looked like they could even compete in a title race with United save for one season.
For those of us who do not support United, we yet remain in awe of this man who will bully referees to give him decisions by always walking up to them and talking endlessly so as to psychologically intimidate as the referees will give a penalty for or refuse against "make that Ferguson no go enter me end my career with his mouth.". He wwill also be the first to comment on an opposing coach needling them as he has done with Benitez, Wenger and countless others. Or he will demean an opposing team by calling them "Noisy Neighbours" or a "wee" club and truly the club will be fighting relegation battles like "wee" clubs do.
Now to the proverbial Mancunian enemy Liverpool, Sir Alex ferguson's dominance of the "Premier" League, has ensured that LIVERPOOL HAS NEVER WON THE PREMIER LEAGUE. Yes, the trophy they have is the FIRST DIVISION and this just galls Liverpool supporters. Thiis is not just knocking Liverpool off their perch but seizing the branch they perched on

Every new coach and club he has wrestled and bested. Arsene Wenger must be an expert on describing Manchester United's tail lights by now....cos he has been well dusted. The Manchester United iron cage battles seem seem like it existed along with the Brachiosaurus and Compsognathus in Jurassic Park. Mourinho came from Porto and a war chest of Genghis Khan. He won the Title twice with huge records broken and made. And Fergie said "give it back" and Mourinho left with just the FA cup in his hands. Ancelotti came, one of the few to win the Champions league as player and coach twice. He took the double but Fergie said to him "give me back my EPL" and Lotti left. Mancini then came with his war chest of Alexander the great, fit enough for World dominance. It took a mistackle by Taiye Taiwo on Sergio Aguero for his "noisy neighbours" to touch FERGUSON'S TROPHY. And with alacrity, Feguson has ordered his trophy returned by reaching the finish line and going to take a shower and still the competition lags. Yes United could very well have started their holidays and even pre-season but are "burdened" by the remaining games...

Now I am one of those who insist Ferguson is a very lucky man. The two Champions League Titles he has can be ascribed to luck. 1999 One minute to go Sheringham and Solskjaer score to make it 2:1 against Bayern after Bassler has hit the post and Effenberg has shown United players what total football is like. 2008 All Terry has to do is score and Chelsea are Champions. But Terry even was going to play a penallty because Didier Drogba had playfully tapped Vidic on the cheek. Vidic took no offense but the refree would not hear of it nd so Terryy goes to the ball and slips and hits the post just as Drogba did during the game and Ferguson is 2 times European King.

Like it is said, it is better to be lucky than good. But Fergie combines both.

I still believe Ferguson was why Man United clicked. Eric Cantona, for all his godlike reputation does not compare with the very best. Arsene Wenger's Viera, Henry, Pires, Wiltord, Petite Wiltord, Keown, Adams were better than the Keane and Scholes and Giggs...proof of which is how the France core of Arsene's team went on to win the world cup and EuroCup much like Barca. Ferguson stopped that dominance. Yes Keane was good but not as skillful as Viera nor is any Man United combination and Adams and Keown. Nor any understanding a Pires Henry. Cole and York are just average club level good and that is the truth.

Then Chelsea, then Man City. Even as at today, Hazard, Mata, Oscar, Lampard, Ramires....who will you compare with them in United? Carrick???????

So to the man who someday the trophy will be named after, to one of the greatest (club) coaches of all time, to he man that groomed Cristiano Ronaldo and Beckham and Scholes and Giggs...to "the owner" of the Premier League, to the coach rightly Knighted by the Queen, we say "thank you for being a part of our lives.

May you be as successful in retirement as you were as a coach.

LIKE NIGERIA LIKE AMERICA...TOO MANY GOLIATHS by Ena Ofugara

Whenever I hear talk about the US especially by those criticizing Nigeria, I sometimes shake my head. I wonder what bad thing exists in Nigeria that does not or at the least did not happen in the US. I have told people that terrorism, corruption, kidnapping, suicide bombing, mass killing etc are not Hausa or Yoruba words. They aren't even pidgin which means they exist where English was made.

I had once written on facebook 4th September 2012 which I copied here to this blog this yearhttp://theenaofugarablog.blogspot.com/2013/01/of-obama-and-goodluck-ebele-jonathan-by.html about the similarities between Goodluck Ebele Jonathan and Hussain Barrack Obama. Sacrilegious as this might sound, if you read with open mind, you will see my point and at the least acknowledge the logic even if u disagree.

Goodluck Ebele Jonathan famously said of his difficult attempt to make sharp changes in the country, that "there are too many Goliaths". Watching Obama today  April 18 2013, at the White House lawn speak on his failed mission to enforce stricter gun control laws, he may not have used these very words but the spirit of exasperation that was in those  GEJ GEJ words inundated his speech.

It was supposed to be a no-brainer. If American laws required every car sold to be reported, why cannot the same be done of guns? Boko Haram has killed 4,000 (four thousand) people thus far. since the Sandy hook massacre where about 26 innocent children were slaughtered, over 4000 people have been killed by gun violence in America and still the Goliaths would not allow anything to be done to stem it.

Not to bore you with a long read, the conclusion remains that just like Nigeria, the powers that be (Goliaths) who have benefited from the status quo will never allow change and no Obama or GEJ, despite their best intentions can easily effect these changes and will continue to be blamed for things their democratic authority would never empower them to change.

I will herein post verbatim the very speech of Obama which is just more oratorical than GEJ's though the end product is the same....too many Goliaths. Here is the link for those who want to hear it from the horse's mouth. http://maddowblog.msnbc.com/_news/2013/04/17/17798850-obama-condemns-a-shameful-day-for-washington?liteAnd for those who cannot open the link, here is the transcript. We will allow Obama take it from here

"A few months ago, in response to too many tragedies -- including the shootings of a United States Congresswoman, Gabby Giffords, who's here today, and the murder of 20 innocent schoolchildren and their teachers –- this country took up the cause of protecting more of our people from gun violence.
"Families that know unspeakable grief summoned the courage to petition their elected leaders –- not just to honor the memory of their children, but to protect the lives of all our children. And a few minutes ago, a minority in the United States Senate decided it wasn't worth it. They blocked common-sense gun reforms even while these families looked on from the Senate gallery.
"By now, it's well known that 90 percent of the American people support universal background checks that make it harder for a dangerous person to buy a gun. We're talking about convicted felons, people convicted of domestic violence, people with a severe mental illness. Ninety percent of Americans support that idea. Most Americans think that's already the law.
"And a few minutes ago, 90 percent of Democrats in the Senate just voted for that idea. But it's not going to happen because 90 percent of Republicans in the Senate just voted against that idea.
"A majority of senators voted "yes" to protecting more of our citizens with smarter background checks. But by this continuing distortion of Senate rules, a minority was able to block it from moving forward.
"I'm going to speak plainly and honestly about what's happened here because the American people are trying to figure out how can something have 90 percent support and yet not happen. We had a Democrat and a Republican -– both gun owners, both fierce defenders of our Second Amendment, with "A" grades from the NRA -- come together and worked together to write a common-sense compromise on background checks. And I want to thank Joe Manchin and Pat Toomey for their courage in doing that. That was not easy given their traditional strong support for Second Amendment rights.
"As they said, nobody could honestly claim that the package they put together infringed on our Second Amendment rights. All it did was extend the same background check rules that already apply to guns purchased from a dealer to guns purchased at gun shows or over the Internet. So 60 percent of guns are already purchased through a background check system; this would have covered a lot of the guns that are currently outside that system.
"Their legislation showed respect for gun owners, and it showed respect for the victims of gun violence. And Gabby Giffords, by the way, is both -- she's a gun owner and a victim of gun violence. She is a Westerner and a moderate. And she supports these background checks.
"In fact, even the NRA used to support expanded background checks. The current leader of the NRA used to support these background checks. So while this compromise didn't contain everything I wanted or everything that these families wanted, it did represent progress. It represented moderation and common sense. That's why 90 percent of the American people supported it.
"But instead of supporting this compromise, the gun lobby and its allies willfully lied about the bill. They claimed that it would create some sort of "big brother" gun registry, even though the bill did the opposite. This legislation, in fact, outlawed any registry. Plain and simple, right there in the text. But that didn't matter.
"And unfortunately, this pattern of spreading untruths about this legislation served a purpose, because those lies upset an intense minority of gun owners, and that in turn intimidated a lot of senators. And I talked to several of these senators over the past few weeks, and they're all good people. I know all of them were shocked by tragedies like Newtown. And I also understand that they come from states that are strongly pro-gun. And I have consistently said that there are regional differences when it comes to guns, and that both sides have to listen to each other.
"But the fact is most of these senators could not offer any good reason why we wouldn't want to make it harder for criminals and those with severe mental illnesses to buy a gun. There were no coherent arguments as to why we wouldn't do this. It came down to politics -- the worry that that vocal minority of gun owners would come after them in future elections. They worried that the gun lobby would spend a lot of money and paint them as anti-Second Amendment.
"And obviously, a lot of Republicans had that fear, but Democrats had that fear, too. And so they caved to the pressure, and they started looking for an excuse -- any excuse -- to vote "no."
"One common argument I heard was that this legislation wouldn't prevent all future massacres. And that's true. As I said from the start, no single piece of legislation can stop every act of violence and evil. We learned that tragically just two days ago. But if action by Congress could have saved one person, one child, a few hundred, a few thousand -- if it could have prevented those people from losing their lives to gun violence in the future while preserving our Second Amendment rights, we had an obligation to try.
"And this legislation met that test. And too many senators failed theirs.
"I've heard some say that blocking this step would be a victory. And my question is, a victory for who? A victory for what? All that happened today was the preservation of the loophole that lets dangerous criminals buy guns without a background check. That didn't make our kids safer. Victory for not doing something that 90 percent of Americans, 80 percent of Republicans, the vast majority of your constituents wanted to get done? It begs the question, who are we here to represent?
"I've heard folks say that having the families of victims lobby for this legislation was somehow misplaced. "A prop," somebody called them. "Emotional blackmail," some outlet said. Are they serious? Do we really think that thousands of families whose lives have been shattered by gun violence don't have a right to weigh in on this issue? Do we think their emotions, their loss is not relevant to this debate?
"So all in all, this was a pretty shameful day for Washington.
"But this effort is not over. I want to make it clear to the American people we can still bring about meaningful changes that reduce gun violence, so long as the American people don't give up on it. Even without Congress, my administration will keep doing everything it can to protect more of our communities. We're going to address the barriers that prevent states from participating in the existing background check system. We're going to give law enforcement more information about lost and stolen guns so it can do its job. We're going to help to put in place emergency plans to protect our children in their schools.
"But we can do more if Congress gets its act together. And if this Congress refuses to listen to the American people and pass common-sense gun legislation, then the real impact is going to have to come from the voters.
"To all the people who supported this legislation -- law enforcement and responsible gun owners, Democrats and Republicans, urban moms, rural hunters, whoever you are -- you need to let your representatives in Congress know that you are disappointed, and that if they don't act this time, you will remember come election time.
"To the wide majority of NRA households who supported this legislation, you need to let your leadership and lobbyists in Washington know they didn't represent your views on this one.
"The point is those who care deeply about preventing more and more gun violence will have to be as passionate, and as organized, and as vocal as those who blocked these common-sense steps to help keep our kids safe. Ultimately, you outnumber those who argued the other way. But they're better organized. They're better financed. They've been at it longer. And they make sure to stay focused on this one issue during election time. And that's the reason why you can have something that 90 percent of Americans support and you can't get it through the Senate or the House of Representatives.
"So to change Washington, you, the American people, are going to have to sustain some passion about this. And when necessary, you've got to send the right people to Washington. And that requires strength, and it requires persistence.
"And that's the one thing that these families should have inspired in all of us. I still don't know how they have been able to muster up the strength to do what they've doing over the last several weeks, last several months.
"And I see this as just round one. When Newtown happened, I met with these families and I spoke to the community, and I said, something must be different right now. We're going to have to change. That's what the whole country said. Everybody talked about how we were going to change something to make sure this didn't happen again, just like everybody talked about how we needed to do something after Aurora. Everybody talked about we needed change something after Tucson.
"And I'm assuming that the emotions that we've all felt since Newtown, the emotions that we've all felt since Tucson and Aurora and Chicago -- the pain we share with these families and families all across the country who've lost a loved one to gun violence -- I'm assuming that's not a temporary thing. I'm assuming our expressions of grief and our commitment to do something different to prevent these things from happening are not empty words.
"I believe we're going to be able to get this done. Sooner or later, we are going to get this right. The memories of these children demand it. And so do the American people.
"Thank you very much, everybody."

And Tega Agbosa Cracks our Ribs. hahahaha

Barrister Tega Agbosa had this on his facebook update and invited me on BB to read it. Reading it I immediately knew why he drew my attention. It had the humor that embellishes my writing and I thought it made perfect sense that I share it with those who have grown a taste for what God puts in my head to write.
After reading, pls tell me how come many "Bendel" people are so funny. Let us allow Tega take it from here

"When I first enter Amsterdam, jab occupy person with correct groove and tins, everybody dey form pally sotay I nor even remember contact people wey I been done dey follow yarn small small before I enter the area. Me and the other oyibo people for office dey waka everywhere, chop yama yama wey nor dey ever done. On top say the lem nor done, e nor still dey belleful. True true, butter no be monkey food. And everytime na so the bill dey be gboah!. But wafi nor fit carry last, as oyile dey happy me sef go follow dem praise the food. If no be sense wey man get take arrange egusi and ogbono with one big lylon of G4 plus indomie follow body only God know wetin my eye for see that period. Everytime I reach house like dis my body go dey shake, cold plus alarm. Sharp sharp I don start to boil water, warm soup. When I don lem finish only me go start to provoke, who send me go this waka na? Onojuvwe? As I like mede mede reach, dis one pass my power. Dem nor dey tell person o, small small I start to dislodge. I free dem sharply before agbada go hook barbwire.

As I start to roll solo I remember some people wey I suppose block for here, two southie girls when my other southie friend hook me up with. No be dat kain hook up so comot mind for bad tin. In the land of Oyile all blackman na fellow area. One of their pally sef con join the parole so dem come be three, all from SA. Anyway we generally waka a few times, chop for outside and, as a papa filla I tell dem make dem shucking their money make I pay. Dem first draw rain say dem must pay but we know say all na activity because the "I go pay my own" wey dem dey sing so I no see anybody wey put hand for purse. But at least all of us gree say as Africans make we lem the closest thing to wetin we sabi, so no forming. True true dem correct die. So naturally we dey always arrange to meet like one weekend a month.

Na so we agree to do shacks last weekend. We first go wack, steak and fries, normal. Time to pay I bone, everybody must answer their papa name today. All of dem start to dey ask me how much dem go pay. I put the bill for table say make another person divide am by 4. I sure say dem go dey wonder why I lock up, but like Olamide, I no send. Anyhow anyhow we pay finish come say make we go another joint go high up. Na there yawa gas.

As we siddon dey drink dey gist, suddenly the atmosphere change. I nor fit breathe, I just dey look everybody face dey wonder who mess this mess. Girls dey pretend die. All of dem lock up bone like say nothing dey happen. Why all of dem bone? Shebi na only one person mess the mess? Wetin do the rest nose? I start to look around me so that the innocent among us go know say I innocent before dem go say Naija guys dey troway without human sympathy. Our reputation don kuku sawa, e go too easy to add this to the list. Abi na the guys for my back? Small time the tin pass, we start to breathe normal again. We drink some more, dem dance, we laugh, everybody forget. But the peace nor too tay.

"Gboza!" The person troway another silent killer. Dis time my head turn. All my thinking start to take place in pidgin. I start to breathe only out. Small time I start to sneeze like posy. All dis one so dem still bone. Ah my brain knock! My spirit start to provoke. For my mind I dey voke "If shit dey catch una make una go shit na. If shit nor dey catch una sef make una still go shit, wetin?". I close my eye, close nose close mouth. As I open eye my eye don red, the girl wey near me, the one wey I dey suspect, dey look her phone. Another one come ask me "are you okay?". I nor know when I say "wetin na?" Dem confuse come say "waiting? For what?" I say make dem nor worry. I start to search for mess for my belle, today na today. If dem send dem come meet me we go dig am today, shebi all na oxygen? Ehn lets go there. I start to ginger, kpata kpata we go use mess kill oursef today.

"Gbuyaka!". Before I fit gather my own the person release another one. Omo my belle squeeze, all mess producing facilities for my body shucking. I dey look dem, dey look dem, dey look dem. Dem see say I dey look dem, dem must know why I dey look dem. Yet everybody keep face straight. Ehen? Na so? Okay, no shaking. I get up, waka go stand for corner. Again dem dey look me, me sef start to look dem dey smile because at least I dey breathe better air now. One of dem wey don dey dance since, and the one I suspect less wan waka come meet me like say wetin I dey do there. I raise hand say make she dey where she dey, say I dey come. The other one smile. The last one, the one wey siddon near me still do like say nothing dey happen. Right then she confirm my suspicion, na she wan kill me.

When I suspect say the environment dey safe again I waka go back, say make we pay because I need to go. I turn to the "messer" with straight face tell am say "you for like go kaka sha!". She say "huh" I say "ehn". Nobody talk again. Bill come, we share the money again, pay finish enter road.

The next day one of the "innocent" girls call me say why I switch off come dey speak "Nigerian" yesterday. I tell her hoha say the "pharting on that table was a mind altering experience". She burst laugh say she think say na only her been dey smell am. God knows sha, if dem say make we comot again I go tell dem make dem shit first before dem leave house or I go nowhere, I can't shout!"

IF I FAT COME BACK FROM THIS AMERICA...The food too much abeg By Ena Ofugara

This past Sunday I tried to wear the native attire I brought from Nigeria just over a year ago and I tore it. I mean as it passsed my head I heard "tia". But I was determined to show i was Nigerian in this new very white-dominated church I attended the previous Sunday. I wanted them to know I am not a black American (as if my accent wasn't enough evidence). So despite the shirt's "tia" sound, I tried to wear the trousers and you know native trousers have waists so wide and a rope to tie it tighter. As I tied it and walked up the stairs, this time it was"kpia" I heard and behold looking at my "agada (crotch) I found a hole so big, Yokozuna can pass through and that was when I knew "e done dey happen oh!!! America food done dey enter my body"

You never know you are getting fat as a guy. It is girls that are paranoid about their weight that even a lekpa (thin girl) that adds big stones to her bag so the wind will not blow her from Lekki beach to 1004 apartments will be saying "Ena i am getting too fat" Mtchewww! You wish!. For us guys it is clothes that tell us cos we do not spend inordinate times naked in front of the mirror. And even when we do, we usually are admiring something else, telling ourselves that "objects in mirrors are bigger than they appear" And then we rub our stomach and say "evidence of hammer" (wealth)

Okay I was born big (11 kg at birth) but my hyper active "talki talki" play play self lost all the weight. people who remember me from Uniben would describe me as thin. In fact Osemotan Okosun, my blooder,  jibed me one day when I said I wanted to carry weights and pick up muscles, he said "Ena, dem no dey turn bone to muscle. Try chop make you fat first". CHAI!!! He discouraged me from becoming Nigeria's Arnold Shwarzenegger with that one "yabis". Semo, let your conscience judge you. lol

Now I am  from  a very middle-class background so growing up there was as much food at our table as was in any table around us so when I compare eating styles and habits, know it is done with the average family in mind....a little better than average perhaps.

You know how in Nigeria you can eat a big plate of eba and or foofoo/akpu and to see the meat you may have to scuba dive to the bottom of the bowl. And when rice is served even in parties, sometimes two Magi-cube looking object will lie atop the rice and you usually finish the rice before you eat the meat. Yes, we were taught that you should save the best for last. Then as you finish the rice/eba, u drink a big cup of water to fill whatever space that is left. In fact I remember the gist about a guy that said to a "mama put". (food seller)

Customer: "madam give me eight raps of akpu"

Mama Put:   "how much meat?"

Customer: "meat at you own risk"

Another version perhaps of that story is

Customer: "madam, give me eight raps of akpu"

Mama: "how much meat?"

"I dey hurry madam. No time to chew the  meat.  I done late for work"

So with this background i arrived America and I was taken out by Kimberly. As we sat down, they brought a large bowl of chips which is like fried black plantain but it is made of corn and then sauce to dip it in. Then a large bowl of small chicken thighs (at least sixteen). Then leaves fried in oils, tasting like meat (you should try it if you cook) and then wines.

Trust me I attacked the chicken thighs particularly and remembered my manners not to "talk while eating"....well it was so I could really eat as much and as quickly before one friend will come and visit me and reduce my ration (as if na Naija i dey and visitors that know your eating schedule and visit only then)

So having eaten to my fill and belched as silently as i could, the waiter came and said

Waiter: "can I take your order now"

("TAKE MY ORDER OR BILL"?) I wanted to scream and he added

Waiter: "how did you like your appetizer" 

Ena:( "APPETIZER???? This many chicken lap naim you dey call appetizer????" But not to "fall my hand" (disgrace myself), "Oh nice. Very filling"

( I started perusing the menu which made little sense to me because i did not know the foods so I asked)

Ena:  "So what tastes really good here?"

then the waiter started mentioning different types of meats and saying"well done" "medium rare" etc...things that made even less sense to me. But I am humble so I asked

Ena "what is medium rare"? Is it a rare kind of meat like dinosaur or mammoth" (this na America. the hunters fit dey catch meat from Jurasic park)

Waiter: (The waiter smiles in a kind of embarrased way)  "medium rare means half cooked"

Ena: (Chei!!! half-cooked wey kerosine no finish for stove? why people go dey chop half done meat?) Emm. Gimme the Pork ribs on marinade...no.... (I no know wetin marinade mean) in Barbecue sauce.

Waiter: And what two sides do you want?

Ena: Sides? the side of the pork I want to eat? the ribs na. Where there's the "yokoyoko" oil.

Waiter: em...by sides I mean um... cornbread muffins, rice, potatoes, grilled zucchini salad with lemon and scallions...

Ena: Em...(Rice na side abi na rice be the main food? Godabegoooo)

And so the food is served and indeed the rice I ordered was really "the side". It is the meat that is the main food. So unlike Nigeria where you will scoop like ten spoonfuls of rice and cut a lil bit of meat to manage it till the end, here you are eating the meat and then scooping some rice or zucchini to balance the meat.

So greedy me and because the "well done" meat I ordered tasted so good, I began stuffing myself and small water is leaving my eyes from the overfeeding.
Now Kim sees me struggling with the food and she says

Kim: "are you full?"

Ena: (Full wetin? make i leave better well cooked pig for who? No be money dem take buy am????) Not really. (I straighten up, move in my seat to allow more space in my stomach and delve into the meat...sorry food again. I at least finish the meat and as if on cue the waiter brings a large bowl of ice cream and large cake in the center and smiles.

Waiter: Your dessert.

Ena (dessert. hmmm. E get as you go chop only this cake, lick the ice cream, drink one correct cup of water and you done chop correct morning food be that till "eba hour" in the afternoon. I love cakes and ice cream. Living alone, it is something I always get from the mall. But that day I looked at the waiter with hate in my eyes. I wanted to ask him "dessert wetin??? Na so Arab people dey chop for "desert" na im dem thin? No dey call am dessert again. Find name call am" But instead I smile and still greedy me, I scoop some ice cream and after all it is just water. It will find a way to settle to the bottom of my stomach, past the meat and meat and meat and rice etc.

So as the bill is paid and waiter tipped, I walk sluggishly like a cobra that swallowed a full cow and unable to say a word on the way home. As I lay on the bed, food poured right back into my mouth and nose and i ran to the bathroom to retch out the food that I had so greedily engorged myself with

Okay that was high-end feeding. MacDonald has one dollar burgers that would fill u up in seconds. Remember the meat and dough is ground so flat that you dont even chew as it slides down your throat ,making you ingest faster and more as chewing is dispensed with. And the sodas... (no vex, na "soda" dem dey call minerals like fanta coke pepsi etc)... and for a dollar six cents, you are given one large cup and you go to a fountain or dispenser and you fill your coke or sprite from the tap and you can go five hundred tiimes as long as it is the same visit...as in you have not left finally. So you can drink coke till you drown for one dollar 6 cents.

So when you see people that you knew were thin in Nigeria like me put on weight, no, it is not that I now have money. NA LIE. Food is very cheap here and the achievement is not in the weight you are able to put on whereas in Nigeria people will say "your husband/wife dey take care of you oh. see as you come FRESH", here it is staying thin that is expensive.

So if I "rebuuu" or "orobo" come back, no be my fault. BLAME AMERICA