MY GUY BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRL. ... FUNNIEST REASON EVER

Ena: Shuo, my guy, I dey see ur facebook status say you put single. You never tire to be wrapper wey dey be single? What of theat your babe wey you and am done dey reach like 5 years. Wetin happen again

My Guy: Ena, na long story.

Ena: Guy gist me jor. Wetin happen? I dey feel say your wedding naim go be this year make I show.

My Guy: Shw if you want show. No dey put am for wedding head.

Ena: Tell me naaa. Wetin happen?

My Guy: She dey train anyhow training.

Ena: I no understand.

My Guy: She dey mistrain.

Ena: Talk well.

My Guy: She dey intimidate me. Make I tell you well. Shebi you know say me I like potoic girls

Ena: Potoic na that we slang wey mean say girl body soft well abi?

My Guy: America no change you at all. Ehen. That sweet potoic girl wey her body soft well like pillow, small time she begin dey jog anyhow. 5 a.m she done comot for bed dey go jog. I go want make use of my morning erection take rush one, I no go see her. Well, I no talk. Next thing I see, she begin do press up. If she dey do the press up, na so she go squueze face dey look me....55, 88 93...101. Na so she go dey intimidate me with the big number she dey call. She know say me, ten press up abi na push up, I done tire. She go dey do 105, 115.

Ena: So because she sabi press up pass you naim. You follow her dey train na

My GUy: GUY KPROORRR!!! I try am. Na so body start to pain me. No be small big stout I take relax the muscle well.

When she dey do the press up, my question na why she dey look me? No be to threaten me? 119 ...125. Okay. Girls dey put picture for instagram dey show fine cloth, food wey dem cook, new cloth... even show cleavage, my babe say na to dey show her flat belle and six packs wey she done dey get.

Ena; Meanwhile you, your belle na 1 pack. Channel O. The earth is spherical!

My Guy: Exactly. If I dey hold my potoic babe now, I go dey feel like say me na gay. All the small small flesh for corner of her belle wey I take dey hold am, no one dey again. Even the yansh come dey strong like babe wey tight yansh make she for no mess.

Ena: hahahaha You no well ohh Na fitness and health.

My Guy: I well. I well well well. Make I call all the athletes wey done die young? Wetin come break the camel back na when I come see her wear all those Bruce Lee dress. She say she dey learn Karate abi na Kung Fu ab na taekwondo. FOR WHAT? wetin I do her?

Ena: Na self defense naaaa.

My Guy: Self defense from who? Six years wey we dey friend, na only once I done slap am, and na because of one guy wey she say na her toaster. I dey one joint, the guy brin am. That na 3 years ago. Just one small hot slap. Na so she fall for the slap, start to cry. As she dey cry na so my heart melt. Na so we take go bed ...you know.... Now I fit try am? If I raise hand say na slap, no be she go dodge am use the aikido she dey learn use me take saigbe??

Ena: hahaha. "Saigbe" e done tay I hear that word.

My Guy: Me no be hear I go hear am. Na experience. This girl as I dey look am dey do one hand press up, I say no be my body she go experiment all the yeye carry train. NO BE ME!!! My brother dey stay my estate. Some of our classmate dey stay my estate. You wey dey hear all the gist, no be me dem go carry news say my wife dey beat shit comot for my body. I dey drink beer, she dey drink protein shae and energizer. I dey sleep, she dey do press up. Guy, BONE!!! I pack leave everything for the house for am. If rent due, she fit stay or pay. Me I done hold one small flat for VI there. I dash am the Lekki flat.

Ena: No do like that naaa. Na good girl. No be person dey marry female wrestler?

My Guy: I no see stadium and girls wey dey train there before I spin her?

Ena: So Serena Williams...

My Guy: Na Venus me like.

Ena: Guy, no do..

My Guy: Shuooo Wetin I done already do? My pikin go come one day see my wife gimme champot abi na headlock. Na so I go just dey bottom, she go dey my top. I go dey beg am "honey please" or I go just colapse for the chokehold. ejoo. Mbano! NO BE ME

Ena: So your grounds for leaving her no be say she cheat on you?

My Guy: Cheat on me ke. Man go friend and marry woman wey if she cheat he no go fit beat am. Na she go come beat am join again? GOD FORBID!!! Soft body no soft again. For embrace, hand no dey full again. Be like I dey embrace 14 years smallie. see see Ena, abeg talk another thing. Make she go find man wey like muscles. I know go see soft pillow say na Olumo Rock I go put head.

Ena: Marry never hungry you

My Guy: Guy fade. Me know wetin I like. No be me and you them go use karate beat in case of casala. Guy Kprorrr. I no fit live life of shame for my children eye. MOMMY MUST NOT BE ABLE TO BEAT DADDY.

SURVIVING AMERICA 3. NOT THE WAY HE PLANNED

Oghenero was a struggling man. The firm he was managing was struggling with bills and unpaid salaries. They had lost all the government contracts when the owner had quarreled with the commissioner of works. He had not gotten paid in three months and he and the owner was scheduled to have a meeting on Monday. This was the reason why he had put only his wife's name to travel with the Nigerian team to the US for the competition. His friend Oritsebawo, Amaju's cousin, had kindly included her name, since he himself could not make it due to the tension in the office.

His wife Edesiri was such a good girl. She was so slim and beautiful and he thanked God everyday for giving him a wife such as her. When he put her name in the list of Fan Club going, he jus wanted her to get a break from his all the stress of taking care of his children. The first son Ejiroghene was a sickler. How and why they went on to have two other kids he cannot fathom. The stress Ejiro gave was almost unsurmountable at times. His crisis came at the oddest of times. Oghenero was however grateful the other two, Isio and Urukpe were healthy girls.

That Monday meeting confirmed all his fears. The owner decided to fire everybody. He had asked everyone to leave the building, keeping only the security men and mobile policemen for his own protection. Oghenero expected this to happen. The owner was an eccentric, hot tempered man. And as he drove home, he wondered how long his meagre savings would last before he got another job. Having a sickler was the biggest hole a man's pocket could have.

That very evening, Ejiroghene had his crisis. Oghenero spent the night with him at the hospital. He decided not to tell his wife about it. She loved football and was obviously going to have a good time with the fans.

Oritsebawo came to the hospital to see him the next morning.

Oritsebawo: how is the boy doing

Oghenero: What can I say? He is stable, thank God. He is being transfused right now.

Oritsebawo: How your wife? I will be joining the team tomorrow. Should I tell her about this? Should she come back?

Oghenero: No. Let her stay and enjoy herself.

Oritsebawo: you just lost your job right?

Oghenero: wetin person go do? Yes oh.

Oritsebawo: You should have gotten that visa for yourself. You would just have stayed back and find work in the US. Now your wife has wasted that slot.

Oghenero: Thats true. But I didnt expect to be fired and I could not just go. Em...well Edesiri can stay back and find a job too there, can't she?

Oritsebawo: It is not easy for a woman oh. My cousin that I put her name last two years, it has been really hard for her. It took her a whole year to find her feet.

Oghenero: But she has right?

Oritsebawo: Na America na. Someway somehow, you will find a way to survive there.

Oghenero: Ehen. Good. Edesiri will stay back then.

Oritsebawo: Ok oh. But no call my name for the matter oh. Na your name I say I go put for the list oh. US no easy like that oh. Anything you see, you go take am like that oh

Oghenero: What is there to see? What is she coming back to do? I will try my best with the kids until she finds her footing. This place is nowhere to come back to.


That was how Edesiri, his pretty wife stayed back in America. Edesiri was full of complaining in the phone calls and Oghenero kept encouraging her to face whatever came her way. That joy will come "in the morning". Edesiri had told him how she could not find a place to stay, how childhood friends refuse to pick calls, how she is kicked out of one friend's house or another, even a cousin's house, how she is now a nanny for a nurse and paid a paltry sum as she was illegal and had no work permit.
Still Oghenero encouraged her to stay. He always had good news to report to her about the family and how Ejiro was being healed by God.

Edesiri knew he was lying. She knew Ejiro was giving him hell. She knew he had lost his job and so, every now and then she sends him money. It was not easy. The Ghanaian nurse she was taking care of her child as a live-in aid, woke up one day and asked her to leave, when she saw her husband being nice to her. Edesiri had nowhere to go and was weeping profusely at the train station, knowing she had no destination really. She had accepted to be a live-in aid so that she could have a place to lay her head. It was while she was crying at the train station that she was approached by this white man. Edesiri of course would not talk to him at first but he would not let up

Jean- Pierre: Hello lady. I am sorry to bother you, but I could not just go past. Are you alright? Should I call the police?

Edesiri: No no no. Please please, No. abeggg. I am alright.

Jean Pierre. Do not be afraid. If it is your husband beating you, the police will protect you.

Edesiri: Nobody beat me. I am alright.

Jean Pierre. It is late and I see I just missed the last train. I can get you a cab as I am about to call one. I can call one for you.

Edesiri: (Afraid) please do not call the police. Please.

Jean Pierre: You are illegal aren't you? I was raised by a black nanny who was illegal. I can even tell your accent. You are Nigerian. I have spent time in West Africa. I have been to Lagos, Abuja, Accra, Kumasi, Yaounde....I have been around. They are lovely people. What's your name?

Edesiri: (Still scared.) Miriam. My name is Miriam.

Jean Pierre: My name is Jean Pierre Blanche. I was actually named after an African leader. ..oh well. Listen. I live on the other side of town. I have a basement in my house and in fact, I am hardly in town and I lock the place up when I leave. You can come with me and spend the night at my place, or you can stay here and be at the mercy of the elements. (Cab arrives and he continues)  Here, this is my card. Call anyone and say you were last seen with me. We can also move to the camera right over there and it will picture both of us together. (turns to the driver) Here, take my card. If she does not call you tomorrow, give this to the police.

Edisiri thinks about it. The cold bites through her windcheater. She looks at the homeless people huddled on the side. She knew they were drug addicts and could rob her anytime. She hesitantly enters the cab.

At Jean-Pierre's house, he shows her to the basement downstairs. He goes into the fridge, microwaves the pizza and hands it to her with warm chocolate drink. He goes to his room and she is left alone in the beautifully furnished but stale-smelling basement.

Oghenero began receiving bigger cheques. The calls had reduced. However monthly, there was always Western Union waiting for him to collect. He had been unable to find solid work. Most of the work he got, the pay was appalling. Sad as it was, he relied majorly on Edesiri's monthly Western union.....and fewer and fewer calls.

Edesiri had not planned for this to happen, but she found herself reacting differently to Jean-Pierres kindness. He was a very handsome and lively man. She was his housekeeper....well that was putting it a little subtly. She was his friend. He left the house for a two to three months, but ensured she had all she needed. He paid her to be his housekeeper and paid her well...money she never really used except send home. He handed her a card and told her to use as she pleased. She could not find work as she was still illegal and what work could give her this comfort? Pierre bought her very beautiful things whenever he returned from his trips and she found she was beginning to miss him when he left. As a Frenchman, his tastes in wine was exquisite and the meals he made her were very delicious. Everyday with him was heaven. He made her laugh, he made her feel wanted. She couldn't imagine a world without him and tried as she could to avoid it, she was  falling in love with him. Jean Pierre had told her one day

Jean Pierre: Marry me

Edesiri: No. em...(surprised)

Jean Pierre. If you married me, you would be legal and then you can choose either to keep working for me or to go get a job and be your own woman. People pay for this don't they?

Edesiri: How much will I pay you?

Jean Pierre: (laughs) Come on. Lets go get married. As easily as that, Jean-Pierre had made her Mrs. Blanchard at the courts. He took her out to dinner in mock celebration. He had filed for her and the day her greencard came, Jean-Pierre had told her

Jean Pierre: Mrs. Blanchard, divorce me now and you get half of everything. You now have a right to throw me out of my house. I hope you do not, but just telling your rights as my wife"

They had become quite close. She felt safe in his arms and usually takes it when they go out to watch a movie or when he takes her ice-skating. Edesiri had never been so happy in her life. The day he kissed her, she kissed him back so passionately, she did not know she had it in her to kiss that way and Pierre thought her a lot of things and numbers especially  the French soixante-neuf.

Ejiroghene's condition was getting worse. The doctors had told Oghenero to brace himself. It has been three years since Edesiri left, and she had supported them very much. Oghenero was a little bothered with how the phonecalls go. They lasted no more than five minutes in which she speaks to all the kids and then to him it was never beyond "how are you. how are the kids. Found a job yet. Thank you for all what you are doing for the children". However, when Ejiroghene was apparently going to die, Edesiri asked that the three children come and live with her. Oghenero wondered about himself. Why is he not coming as well? She had mumbled something about it being cheaper to say she was single and so government would support her. That was how Oghenero had bid his children goodbye, as they entered the plane to America.

Edesiri, despite all the love Jean-Pierre was giving her, she knew she had children to take care of. She missed them. She also knew she would lose her only son to the cold hands of death if she does not bring him over to America. She had broached the topic with Jean-Pierre, expecting him to say NO. She was surprised when he did all of the immigration legwork. She had told the kids to say she and their father were no more together. It was their first lecture when they arrived America.

Oghenero had never known such emptiness. Edesiri was his "area smallie" that he had deflowered and married. She was also his first love. He had known no other woman but her and he was glad when he found she was a virgin that first day she allowed him. He had guided her through university and everyone knew they would marry and marry they had. When their first child was a sickler, it was a challenge and together they had faced it. Now he did not know what to do with himself now that his family were gone. Many people think men are happy to be "free.". If only they knew exactly what family meant to a man. It had been two years that his family had left him Edesiri had offered to keep sending the cheques, which Oghenero had turned down. How will she be taking care of the three children and still be sending him money? Has he no shame?

Things were a lot better with having to look only after himself. He had started a poultry and a fish farm and even reared snails. He had made quite a sum on his first harvest and had begged to send his family something, which they had turned down. It wasn't much and he was just learning the ropes. Still he offered to send his family some money. Every night he returned home, he felt empty, very empty.

Then he got the call. His wife wanted him to come to America. He finally could be with his family. He was excited as he sold everything he owned and got the plane ticket. As he arrived, he saw his wife with this white man. His children were holding on to him until they saw him and ran to meet him. But one look at his wife and the white dude and he knew a lot had gone amiss. But he turned to his kids and hugged each one. Then shook the hand of his wife and the white guy. The drove silently home and at the table everyone was quiet like a graveyard. Jean-Pierre tried to make fun, but all the smiles were facetious.

Edesiri led Oghenero to the basement where she first stayed when she came to the house. Then she turned and went upstairs to be with Jean-Pierre.

That night, Jean-Pierre said he was going to get milk and he would take some time. Edesiri went downstairs into the basement and rested her back on the door as she closed it.

Edesiri: Miguo. (she greets in their dialect)

Oghenero: What is this Edesiri? What is this?

Edesiri: I will send the brideprice to your people. I am married. I had no choice Oghenero. Believe me I had no choice.

Oghenero: You always have a choice. People always have choices. You chose this.

Edesiri: Okay I did. Take it the way you want it. But know I am sorry and never meant for it to be like this. You are a good man Oghenero, but .... see, I could not leave you in Nigeria. The children miss you and I know how you are with them. Tomorrow, I will take your place. It is just down the street. Some mix up came with the keys. I never planned for you to be here. I am so sorry. Tomorrow I will lead you to your place.

Oghenero: I want to go back home

Edesiri: And leave your children?

Oghenero: I will take them with me.

Edesiri: Try and tell them you will take them back to Nigeria. Have you not looked at Ejiroghene? Can't you see how well he is doing? He has the best medical care. His treatment is free, as my hus....as Jean-Pierre knew of these guys who have made a few breakthrough in blood and platelets and all that. It has something to do with stem cells. Point is Ejiro is doing really great and so are the girls. I did not want to share the joy alone. I cannot do that to you. If you choose to go back, you are their father, and you know I will always love...respect and care for you. Just ask yourself if going back to Nigeria is the best move for you. What are you going back to?

Oghenero: Edesiri why?

Edesiri: Oghenero, believe me, life is ...life is....

Oghenero: (Moves over to her) I do not care that you have been with another man. I want my family back, (tears streaming from his face.) please let us try and be together. Please.

Edesiri: (Crying) Biko Oghenero, biko. It is too late. Biko.

Oghenero holds her to him and starts kissing her. She is struggling to be free and he is trying to take off her clothes. She goes deadly still and does not struggle with him. Oghenero feels the stiffness in her body and stops. He arranges his crotch and he stands up.

Edesiri: You have a lot to learn in this country Oghenero. You have a lot to learn. Tomorrow I will take you to your place. The quicker you learn, the easier it will be for all of us.

As Edesiri steps out of the room, she meets Jean Pierre right at the door. He has a gun in his hands.

Edesiri: Honey what are you doing with that?

Jean-Pierre: The thing with Africans....Nigerians, is that you always think you are smarter than everyone else.

Edesiri: Why do you say that? Honey, put that thing....

Jean-Pierre, you think I bought the whole "he is my elder brother crap?" I knew he was your man. If you weren't married, you wouldn't have taken so long to sleep with me. And one look at his picture the kids carry, one look and you can tell he is their father. All you had to do was tell me the truth

Edesiri: Please honey...

Jean Pierre: I would rather die than be without you. There is no living for me. You are my life...EDESEEREE, that is your real name right?

Edesiri. Miriam is also my name. It is my English name. I just do not use it.

Jean-Pierre. You are my life. Please, if you ever want to leave me, just let me know say I can kill myself and just leave y'all alone. ce qui est la vie sans la personne que vous aimez? Tu es mon amour, tu es ma vie.

Edesiri: Please honey, lets go upstairs. Listen honey, I love you. I have never told you this and you hav always wondered why. I have had this huge secret and it has been weighing heavy on my mind. I love you Jean-Pierre. I love you. I will spend the rest of my life with you, if you will have me. I love my husband and my children, but not in the way that I love you. They are family, but you are my love, my passion. Personne n'a jamais fait l'amour avec moi comme vous le faites. Tu es mon amour, tu es ma vie That was the French words he always spoke to her "you are my love, You are my life". And as she said the words to him, she kissed him and meant the kiss. This was the life she wanted and who she wanted to spend it with. People may judge and say what they may, but this man in her arms, this was the man that she had come to love. Oghenero saw his wife kissing a man who held a gun and at that moment he knew he was in America. No No No. It was not a movie anymore. This was not James Bond or Django. A man was kissing his wife and he held a gun. Oghenero slowly closed the room door and stayed awake all night. The next day, Jean-Pierre took him to his house down the street.  Jean-Pierre: (They entered into the tastefully furnished apartment) This is your place Mr Oghenero. My friend has agreed to give you a job at his warehouse. It is an easy job. You and Miriam can decide when you can have the kids over. I have to run. Oghenero: Thank you.  (as he walked Jean-Pierre to the car, Jean-Pierre looked at him and said) Jean Pierre: I love Miriam. Please do not give her any trouble. Please! Oghenero woke up from his deep thoughts and looked at the woman in a white wedding gown beside him. He was at the wedding reception for him and Lola, his bride. He looked at his son Ejiro who had grown into a healthy tall young man. His fiance Jane was looking lovely beside him. His two daughters were beautiful princesses. Edesiri and Jean Pierre were smiling at him as the emcee asked him to dance with Lola his bride. He stood up and took Lola in his arms. Soo everyone joined them in the dance floor and Edesiri waltzed with Jean Pierre to him and they exchanged partners. He was dancing with Edesiri and he smiled at her.  Oghenero: You look lovely as always omotena  Edesiri: So do you, oshare na.  Jean Pierre: Hey old man, you trying to snatch my wife at your own wedding? Give her back.  (everyone smiles as Oghenero took Lola's hands and continued dancing with her. He did not know what to make of his life. He was had gone on to school and was a systems analyst and earning well. Two of his children were through with college and the last was fluent in French and Spanish and was valedictorian in her class. Lola was a nurse and had been introduced to him by his son on his routine medical trips to the hospital. He really didn't know what to make of his life. He had lost his wife and the man who took her from him was his benefactor and helper. Did that make him less of a man? He would never know the answer to that. Things had not gone the way he planned, but does it ever for anyone? Does not life throw us all a curved ball? Does it not depend on how we catch it? All he knew at this time was that he had a loving woman in his arms, his children were doing great, his ex-wife and he had raised them well and he was dancing. They said America was hard. Well if it was, he knew as he spun Lola in his arms that he had survived America.

THE END Dedicated to the memory of the legend Amaka Igwe.

THE INEFECTUALITY OF TERRORISM

  Tell the Islamists and even those with genuine grouse like the Palestinians. When you keep doing the same thing that fails always without modification, you will fail always. One would think humans sit back and study strategies thathave succeeded and also ones that failed with a view to choosing the strategy to use. I find Islamists to be the biggest fools on earth and sadly the Palestinians chose to allow Islamists lead their charge. THE ENTIRE MUSLIM NATION CAN NEVER BEAT ISRAEL. The only thing keeping them alive is public opinion.....PUBLIC OPINION which they continuously spawn. Let us look at movements and their leaders that have succeeded in recent history Ghandi Mahatma leading India to "defeat" England. BAPU (Father) showed the world that you do not have to kill to succeed. Martin Luther King Jr leading the march against segregation. While Malcolm X who in many ways had embraced the ineffectual Islamism as taught him by Elijah Mohammed did not succeed with his message of aggression, Martin Luther King like Ghandi showed how to get what you want by non-violence but with a determination to get what you want...unbowed....yet "unviolent. Nelson Mandela leading the charge against apartheid. He was even in prison. He had followed the ways of violence earlier on but realised while in prison, he was more effective than when he was alleged to be throwing bombs. He did not accept "deals" to regain his freedom and yet his soul creid FREEDOM and FREEDOM his people got....non-violently. Now check Yassser Arafat. He had a good cause. IRAEL TOOK HIS PEOPLE'S LAND AND THE WHOLE WORLD COLLABORATED WITH ISRAEL. Yes Israel bought the lands off them aided by funds from Germany, America UK etc. But how did they choose to get back their lands? BOMBS, KILLINGS ETC and how have they succeeded?? ZILCH. NADA. In fact, areas that Isreal had not taken before, each armed struggle against them has led to more annexing of their lands. But for public opinion, Israel would have captured for Itself vast lands even in Egypt. The world does not in anyway sympathise with Palestinians, not because their cries are not genuine, but because of the violent means with which they go about it. Tell me how you would not be moved when you hear an Israeli say this "If all Arabs dropped their guns today, there will be peace in the world. But if Israel dropped their gun, Israel will be no more. Indeed hearing that, you know it is the truth. Israel has nuclear bombs but does not use it. Allow Iran or Syria or Iraq to have one and KABOOM! there goes planet earth. Thus how can anyone support them? And so Palestine continues to not be a state or country. If Palestine had chosen the wayof peace and Islamism and anti-semitic hate was not ingrained in their brain, like the US, Israel would have been multi-raced and Palestinians beng more would have produced the leaders as the blacks produce presidents in South Africa today. Alas, the violence as contained in many other books that have the force of law in Islam (the Qoran contains statements by Allah to Mohammed and so it is not that much more violent than the Bible. But the other books like the Sunnah and Hanafi and Hadiths and also "the Rulings Of The First Generation of Muslims" have made it possible for Muslims who ordinarily following the Qoran would have seen the Christian as his brother and who would have never"spilled the blood of innocents", from following these other sources of Islamic law have made killing something pleasurable. And thus the Osama Bin Ladens and Shekau's can come on TV and say "Allah told us to kill kill kill kill" and go on to say "we are allowed to sell women" or read this "Sunan Abu Dawud 2126 "A man from the Ansar called Basrah said: 'I married a VIRGIN woman in her veil. When I entered upon her, I found her pregnant. (I mentioned this to the Prophet Muhammad).' The Prophet Muhammad said: 'She will get the dower, for you made her vagina lawful for you. The child will be your slave. When she has begotten (a child), FLOG HER'". Even when the Qoran says "ALLAH IS MERCIFUL. Such Caliphs and their teachings is what has brought about Islamism as distinct from Islam and Muslim religion as spoken by the Prophet. Thus you will find IRAN and SUDAN where to even be a Christian makes you an endangered species and then you see Qatar and Dubai. But I digress. The point is, this Islamism and incessant bombings have gotten them nowhere. IT HAS ONLY BROUGHT ISLAM HATE and no one supports any cause of those they hate. And so Palestinians will continue to be starngers in their own land and at the mercy of Israel. The stupidity of Osama Bin Laden has led to the destruction of once beautiful Babylon sorry Iraq (yes Babylon in history is Iraq) In Nigeria, STUPID muslims amongst the very many sane intelligentones have allowed themselves to adopt the violent and backward teachings "OF FIRST GENERATION MUSLIMS" and so they say "Boko Haram" that is "book is forbidden". Their lack of education did not allow them know the very numerals we use viz 1,2,3 is Islamic nor know about the educational citadels of Timbuktu which was totally Islamic scholarship. They choose not to know the Prophet's wife Aisha was a female leader and women can lead much like Queen Amina of Zaria. Yes, Osama Bin Laden and his type have totally lost the plot that leads to success. WHAT HAS ALL HIS VIOLENCE ACHIEVED? Destruction of two buildings and painand death for those in the TWIN TOWERS (including Muslims) and death to many Iraqis and 5000 American soldiers. WHAT ELSE? Since his bombing, Israel has fortified their gates and amassed more arms. The whole Middle-East is in turmoil. Egypt that beautiful beautiful city is in shambles. Lybia oh Lybia and the former Islamist Ghadafi who had grown to see the folly in killing people on a plane that did him nothing...that Ghadafi's Lybia that was leading the way for Africa is destroyed. In Nigeria, Yusuf is dead and Boko Haram and Shekau has destroyed their own Muslim lands and while their neighbours who are Christians continue to thrive in Lagos, Port Harcourt, Calabar, their cities and economy in the North is pigshit poor. So what has violence achieved???? The Nigerian government led by a Christian has brought in America, the bane of Islamic world if Muslims are to be believed. The West whom they accuse rightly and wrongly of causing them grief is now camped in Nigeria and what is their reaction? KILL KILL KILL KILL. To what end? Will the president resign? NO. Will he finish his tenure YES. Have the Christian lands now united against the ruling Fulanis YES/more and more each passing day and exploding bomb. Will the Muslim Fulani be then played out of relevance as Jos and other places in the Middle Belt that used to consider themselves an "North" now think is terms of SELF ACTUALIZATION? will they team with souther Nigeria? YES. Will one of their Christian sons DAVID MARK likely be the next president after Goodluck Jonathan, thus making it Christian to Christian to Christian presidency (minus YarAdua's two years rule) YES. So why the EFF are the bombing? TO WHAT EFFECT? do they sit to calculate? Do Islamists think at all? Do they measure success by goals reached or simply by blood spilled? These Islamists are nothing but people worshipping Ilbis and Shaytan thinking they worship Allah YOU CANNOT KILL BABIES AND WOMEN WITH BOMBS AND EXPECT ALLAH TO BLESS YOUR ENDEAVOUR WITH SUCCESS, Palestinians, Muslims must recalibrate and search with and ask WHAT HAS BOMBING AND KILLINGS DONE FOR US.....and against us

The ineffectuality of terrorism.

SURVIVING AMERICA 2. AGHOGHO'S WIFE

Nonso had received the invitation by Aghogho's wife to come to their house with his heart beating. He had warned Aghogho, his colleague and bossom friend about his wife. Aghogho was a stubborn man.

Aghogho was married to an "akata" which is how they often referred to black American women. Like all women, the black Ameican woman can be good and they can be bad. Aghogho had sadly married a "bad" one and his life was made into living Hell and at 41 years Aghogho was still without child and now without a wife.

That was 14 years ago. He and Bolaji who was seated with his wife across from him had pressured Aghogho to go home to Nigeria and pick a wife. They had told him at 41, he had better start a family so his children does not call him granddad and he does not train them with his retirement benefit.

Aghogho had truly gone home and had invited them over his wedding to Ufuoma, a young twenty years old beauty. Nonso did not attend himself but instead sent Aghogho the money he would have used for plane ticket had he decided to travel.

But that is where Aghogho stopped listening to them. Upon Aghogho's return, he had enroled his wife in a community college. Nonso, Bolaji and all of his friends had asked him what his hurry was about. That he should first have ensured she was pregnant with first then second and third and had even borne the fourth one before enrolling her in college. That at 41, that should be his priority. That she was too young and beautiful for him to allow her mix with young men her age and in a University community.

Aghogho had told them that his wife was the daughter of his secondary school crush and that he promised her that he would take care of Ufuoma his wife and allow her finish school in America.

Nonso was nonplussed when Aghogho told him his wife was studying medicine as in doing her pre-requisites. He knew in America you do not study medicine straight away but do a course first and then the medicine. He wondered why he could not just make her be a nursing assistant, a Licensed practical nurse and ultimately a Registered nurse and then after of course at least 3 children.
Nonso just could not understand it as Aghogho was a security man just like him and his wife was a nursing assistant like most of their friends and only now studying to be an LPN. He came to America before Aghogho and was even the one who helped him get the job as a security guard in their company.

Now watching Ufuoma, Aghogho's wife gritting her teeth, jaw set and held in an angle of having made a major decision, he knew his worst fears had been confirmed. The medical doctor and the security guard was a strange combination. Security guard and nurse was bad enough. But security guard and doctor... Well, at least Aghogho has 2 children now and at least the courts would not make him give all his money to his wife upon the divorce as she earns more than him. Maybe Aghogho was smart after all.

Nonso is interrupted from his train of thought by their pastor Utieyin Edema Eyen....well actually he was just a junior pastor learning and earning his stripes in the ministry. The main pastor could not come so sent the young Edema to represent him.

Edema: Em praise the Lord. Having prayed and invited the presence of the Lord into this gathering, having bound whatever spirit of separation and division into the deeper recesses of Hell Fire, we will ask Dr Mrs Ufuoma to tell us all why she called us here.

Dr. Ufuoma: I greet you all and welcome you. None of you are strangers to my home. You have all even known my husband Aghogho longer than I have. It is why I have called you all to complain very very bitterly. You all will not understand where i am coming from until I tell the full story. My husband thinks it is my mother that made me marry him. NO. I saw him come and greet my mother and father and I liked him. He does not know why I was the one who walked him to his car and took his number and why I called him first and came to see him. He does not know the fight I had with my parents for them to allow me marry him. My dad wanted me to finish school in Nigeria.
Okay he is 22 years older than me but maybe it was his smell or his accent or how quiet he was or maybe that he is from America, but I fell for him and wanted to marry him. My mother told me she liked him too back in school but they were just friends and so I guess I was not the only one that liked him.

When I came here, I expected all the worst things of course and that all those promise of school was "washy" as n lies. But when I came, he truly enrolled me in school and paid everything and even when I got pregnant and wanted to stop, he made sure I continued and he helped with the baby allowing me read at night. Several times I felt like giving up but he encouraged me to finish school. I had two babies for him while schooling and you all know Edesiri and Iroro. He changed his shift to night shift so in the morning when he returns from work by 6 a.m, he will help to take care of the children, drop me off at school and then also pick them and sometimes me up. I have been a doctor for six years now.

Where is the problem you may ask, I will get to that. Please be patient. Two years after becoming a doctor, I came home very tired and did not prepare food that day. When he came home, he asked me where his food was. I shouted at him

 "don't disturb me. Can't you see I am sleeping? Can't you cook?"

He said nothing and went into the kitchen and made food for himself and then brought some for me. I pretended to be sleeping but he came, woke me up, gave me tea and toast bread and said

"I know you must have had a hard day at work. Do not let it get to you. Everything is alright. Eat".

I have never eaten tea and toast bread that tasted that good in my whole life. It is the best food I have eaten; fr sweeter than Christmas rice and chicken in Nigeria. As the words left my mouth, I had expected to hear

"Okay, so because you are a doctor now, you feel you can talk to me anyhow. I am now our mate. I brought you to this America. Without me you are nothing NOTHING!!! But that day I understood what the Bible said when it said "a silent answer turneth away wrath. We had lost a child and the mother during childbirth that day and I had prepared the nice lady for the surgery. She was Yoruba and had come all the way from Nigeria to have the baby. As she was bleeding she was calling my name "Ufuoma help me, Dr. Ufuoma please help me" but we just could not stop the hemorrhage. I came home tired and did not make a meal for him. I could have apologized as this was not the first time he had come home to no food. Marrying a doctor is a strain in itself. But I replied him rudely and....

Chinansa: (Nonso's wife). Hmmmmm ask Nonso. Me, when I never get work sef I dey curse am. He kuku know my mouth.

Dr. Ufuoma: Exactly. But from what my nurses tell me, they say once they became nurses and startd earning more than their husbands, whatever they did, even when it is because they want attention from their husband with the quarrel, the husband will say "it is because you are earning more than me. You have grown wings". But my husband's behaviour to me that day made me cry tears of joy because I knew then and there that God has given me "Aghogho" which though is my husbands name, but the true meaning is JOY, Aghogho means joy and God has given me joy.


Nonso: I do not understand. So why are we here?

Dr. Ufuoma: But we are having a very serious issue. You see, my husband has refused to allow me support the home. He will say

"I did not train you to come and give me money. My salary is enough."

So practically all my salary is saved up in the bank these past six years. We are in this same two bedroom in this ...I am sorry...but....this ghetto neighbourhood. Edesiri and Iroro are in schools in this neighbourhood as you cannot enrol your child in a neighbourhood you do not live in and we all know how the schools in this area are.  I have told him I will pay the rent in maybe Bethesda...

Aghogho: My wife will not pay my rent. It will not happen in this life or in heaven.

Dr. Ufuoma (crying) why not Aghogho, why not?

Aghogho: See, e get wetin no good for eye or for ear. As a man, you go dey let your wife pay your rent? Any man wey dey allow that kine thing suppose dey collect 12 strokes of koboko everyday. Look honey, it is not happening. We are staying in this house until I am able to ...

Edema: Okay....

Mrs Bolaji: Pastor Edema, what is okay??? You that is not married, you want to contribute because they call you pastor abi? Pastor when you marry, you can contribute.

(everyone laughs)

Edema. (laughing) That means priests cannot talk in marital matters. Even the pope cannot then advise any husband and wife following your logic.

(every claps and)

Nonso:  pastor Utieyin Edema...chei! you go son break up form your church

Edema: This is a very simple matter. Mr Aghogho, you want it said you pay your rent

Aghogho: Not "said". I do not care about what people say. A man should pay his rent.

Edema: I will not bother to preach about "a man and a woman are one" as you already have heard that. So how much is the rent in this house?

Aghogho: 1000 dollars.

Edema: Okay. The spirit has put it in me that you should put that money in a bucket called RENTand give to your wife to give to the landlord. Do not bother about the cost of the new place your wife will get. Just put the 1000 dollars there every month

Aghogho : But...

Edema: I may be young but the Bible says "because Thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes."- Mt 11:25

You see, there is a difference between pride and honour. You that cook and take care of childen refuses to allow your wife pay the rent. That is honour and not pride. However, as a man of honour, you will not allow your children have a destiny not approved by God. Their destiny is to attend better schools than this county can provide and as such God has put it in your wife's heart to insist you move to Bethesda or some other more decent neighbourhood.

Mrs Bolaji: Baby Pastor Edema.... Come and See!!!

Nonso: Emm Aghogho, reason with us. I dey even dey find how this my wife go release money. Her hand na superglue.

Chinansa: hehehehehe. Make you come use the money take go carry woman. Mba. I must make sure it is small money in your hand. If they like they can run follow you. They will not see money because as they promote you, I will increase our cost of living. When it is important, that is when I will release my own. Your own is our own. My own is my own.

Aghogho: hmmmmmm em.....

Dr. Ufuoma: (Brings out a document) See, emm... we...em... me and you, WE have bought a very fine house. Look at the picture. Iroro and Edesiri have their own rooms. Me and you our room...

Aghogho: You bought a house

Dr. Ufuoma: WE...WE ...I haven't paid. But I love it. See it. (She is kneeling in front of Aghogho with the pictures. Aghogho is looking at the pictures. Dr. Ufuoma continues) Honey, I am begging you in the name of God to let me be your helpmate. Pls. You have borne this burden alone long enough. I beg you in the name of Jesus.

Aghogho: hmmmmmm

Dr. Ufuoma: And....and please do not be angry. Please do not be. We have used your 1998 Camry long enough and I respect and love the car. It is what took me to school. But let me buy you a car.

Mrs Nonso: Na lie. Aghogho, na me and your wife go buy Range Rover Sport for you. Your wife say you dey look the motor everytime. Say you like am well well. Na me give am heart make she buy am.

Nonso: So you knew this was what the meeting was about and you let me be thinking...

Mr Bolaji: This is like a movie. I can't believe what is happening

Dr. Ufuoma: No oga Bolaji. Movies end up sad. In the movies, I have to be bad. I have to become a doctor and look down on my security guard husband and say

How can I Dr. Ufuoma, be married to a mere security guard. I have to turn my husband to my rag and treat him badly and then leave him. That is what sell movies. The Ibo flute has to be playing as my husband walks and shakes his head that I left him. He should be crying and crying. That is what sells movies. The picture on the desk in my office is this very one on my wall. My husband in his security outfit with the two children and myself. Colleagues ask me if that is my husband and I say yes, My husband and my security. My financial, emotional, spiritual, security. He is my guard. (looks at Aghogho) Honey you are my guard, my security. I have never felt as safe as I have with you in my life. (she is crying. Everyone is quiet. )

Aghogho: You went and bought a car for me

Edema: em...the car should not be a problem. If you do not want it, you can sow it into the church. I can get brother Ena who is saying nothing there but observing everyone to drive it behind me.

Aghogho. Em...what is the colour

Dr. Ufuoma: Guess

Aghogho: White

Dr. Ufuoma: Yes

Aghogho: Because of that day at Burger King that I walked over to that one parked right. Hmmmm.
 emm....why are the rooms so many and I see two more rooms with babies marked on the door

Dr Ufuoma: (smiles) Cos I want more babies. I want more of you. More you. Honey, we do not have to live so tight anymore. Honey we are comfortable. Your wife is a doctor earning good money. It is what it is honey. Please let me take care of you as you have taken care of me.

Edema: emmm Hallelujah!!! I am assuming the White Range a block away is the car we are talking about, let us go and dedicate it unto the Lord.

Mrs Bolaji: Baby Pastor. This one is not a seed. This is the fruit. So emm... nobody is sowing anything. wait for offering on Sunday.

(they all go outside and Aghogho takes the key opens the door and sits in the drivers section)

Dr Ufuoma: See my sexy husband pulling a Range!!! She goes and hugs Aghogho who is only half seated in the car

Nonso: (to Chinansa) When you dey finish nursing school again?

Chinansa: Me go buy Range Rover for you? Na me use my hand marry second wife give you be that.

Nonso: second wife for America?

Chinansa: All these girls, if them see man with this motor, no be pregnancy and child support go dey their head? Nonso, Mba no!!! No worry.

Edema: Let us pray. In Jesus name. Oh Father in Heaven, the God that said in Phillipians 4:19 I will provide all your needs.....


(as everyone prayed and blessed the car, including my humble self Ena Ofugara who just tagged along with Pastor Edema, I could see the tears streaming down Aghogho's face and Dr Ufuoma his wife, wiping it and kissing his forehead and then lips and I realized, right then and there Mr and Dr (Mrs) Aghogho Emakpor had survived America.

PRODUCT NIGERIA....And Helping Sell Her. Levick vs Axlerod, APC/BOKO HARAM vs PDP BY ENA OFUGARA

PRODUCT NIGERIA....And Helping Sell Her. Levick vs Axlerod, APC/BOKO HARAM vs PDP

Trending right now on Sahara Reporter is the fact that Nigeria has hired a foreign company to help launder her very battered image....battered especially by her own opposition politicians.

Nigeria has always been viewed as corrupt and her denizens as thieves and fraudsters. But remember, the name 419 was coined by NIGERIANS ABOUT OURSELVES from the section in the criminal code for "stealing by false pretenses".

Also it was Nkem Owoh that sang the song "I go chop your dollar" which the International media and organizations turned into the jingle for Nigeria.

Bottomline is, PEOPLE WILL CALL YOU WHAT YOU CALL YOURSELF....mostly.

Maybe people in Nigeria do not feel what people abroad feel when your accent betrays you and reveals you as a Nigerian. If they did, they'd be irate at Amaechi for going on International media talking about how Rivers has no water. Or Shettima or Ndume or any of what has been shown the media of us.

That the opposition could pay Obama's campaign manager's company millions to damage Nigeria's image should qualify as treason. WHO DOES THAT?

Of course Axlerod was not brought in to win elections in Ekiti. What does he know of our voter's need for raw rice? Of course Levick will not be the ones to revote in Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. Ondo Ekiti, Borno has left the grasp of the APC and soon Ogun and Nasarawa to follow. The President does not need LEVICK here in Nigeria to win NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

What both Axlerod and Levick were hired for was Nigeria's image.

Now while Axlerod is to make the president look bad, Levick is to make him look good.

Now the difference is that you cannot make Goodluck look bad without making Nigeria look bad.

Mumus think when Sen John McCaine disrespected Goodluck Jonathan, they think it is just Dr Ebele Goodluck that was rubbished. I know the arguments I had with my Boswana and Ghanaian friends here when that happened. OH HOW THEY LAUGHED.

He Axlerod ensured the whole world saw THE WHOLE OF NIGERIA AND NIGERIANS AS GIRL KIDNAPPERS. Obi Ezekwesili is ensuring tha Nigeria is looked at as worse than Russia, Pakistan, India and other places with worse cases of Islamist attacks yet with very good image.

It was Dr. Sandra Ote Dafiaghor who asked me to representNIDOAmericas at the human rights hearing here in DC....which I failed to attend due to work commitment and my relief not showing up (and which I am yet to apologize for). In that hearing, the Nigerian ambassador is said to have lambasted all who called Nigeria unsafe, comparing just the violence in just Chicago....one of (30,000) cities in America to the violence in the whole of Nigeria....and the number of death support him. Yet he says "NO ONE CALLS AMERICA UNSAFE"

What the APC paid a foreign media to do is in full consequence is...

1. Do not do business in Nigeria. THE PRESIDENT IS BAD.
2. Do not give Nigerians visa. They kidnap girls they will not bring back
3. Do not even visit Nigeria, THE PRESIDENT IS BAD.
4. DO NOT COME TO NIGERIA, You will not get water. He refused a UN loan THE PRESIDENT IS BAD.
5. You will be killed in Nigeria. Boko Haram is everywhere and sponsored by the President. As you arrive you die. THE PRESIDENT IS BAD.
6. ‪#‎BringBackOurGirls‬ THE PRESIDENT HAS REFUSED TO BRING THEM BACK

And yes the opposition has paid money to destroy our image and make us poorer.

China has more corruption and terrible Human Rights abuses, yet today the U Iphone and almost every product is manufactured there. China spent good money organizing meets and visits with the Mitt Romeneys telling them "COME AND CHEAT US. PAY OUR WORKERS BADLY. JUST BRING YOUR MONEY AND BUSINESS HERE." Or you think America just woke up and went to produce their shirts and utensils etc in China? THE GOVERNMENT SPENT AND IS SPENDING MONEY FOR THIS TO HAPPEN AND CONTINUE.

You watch CNN and you do not see Malaysia, Indonesia and so many countries advertize that you should come visit and or stay? Have you not seen Dubai do that? How about Qatar? You think it is a Dubal firm selling Dubai to AMericans? YOU MAKE ME LAUGH SAD LAUGHTER.

Nigeria is the second richest country in Africa after South Africa. We are beginning to grow rice, have trains, better airports, safer roads, less fuel scarcity. We have one of the fastest-growing economies in the world and JUST WHEN IT IS GETTING TO BE THE "NIGERIAN ERA", we have an opposition hell-bent on destroying the image of the nation.

AND THEY GOVERNORS ETC SWORE IN THE PLEDGE TO "UPHOLD HER HONOUR AND GLORY". TREASON I TELL YOU!!!

And Boko Haram....what can one say? But of course the moneys paid to CNN etc has ensured the image of Nigeria is not the peaceful Calabar or the "unwarring Warri" or Lagos where u can go to Lekki and party and return to Ketu by 3 a.m and the worst thing that would happen to you would be a mugging where you will lose a phone.

Then the Goodluck administration gets the advert firm LEVICK, again NOT TO WIN IT THE ELECTION, but so the world may look at Jonathan Goodluck and feel confident to bring their money here, which translates to JOBS JOBS JOBS.

I asked someone who said "ENA, YOU AND YOUR GUYS ON YOUR PROFILE (Clear reference to Soji Oseni Jagaban Edwin Dico OkugboMichael Dedon Nonso Okey Okpala Jojo Abiyere and of course Tosin Awotesu (too numerous to mention really) are doing so much for the administration. WHY DONT THEY GIVE YOU GUYS THE MONEY?

(not a bad idea. hehehe)

But seriously I was on the phone for a long time with Favour B. Afolabi who schooled me on what it entails for International Media. He asked me a question. he said "Ena Ofugara, if I am to charge the federal government for what I do for them everyday for free, if I am to disseminate information and paint them in a good light, bringing their good works to 170 million Nigerians, how much will I bill them?"

He continues "we all understand that it was entered into by NAN (News Agency of Nigeria") which is the agency charged with the duty to disseminate information or assign same.

Obviously it is under a new management and they are being pro-active. I believe the new boss Rume Ima Niboro is from your side of Nigeria.Yet if I was to charge Nigeria and they give me the same 1.2 million dollars, if I hire 10 people in each state with real following, pay them one hundred thousand naira a month (which is below what Mtn Shell Chevron pay those who answer their phones), in twelve months, I would need four hundred and thirty two million which in dollars is about 2.6 million. YET THE FED GOVT PAID A FOREIGN MEDIA HOUSE 1.2 million which means just a hundred thousand per annum. SOMEONE NEGOTIATED VERY WELL."

Yet people are screaming WHY?

Is it that it is a FOREIGN FIRM? Oh well!!! ALL YOUR TOP BRANDS AND ADVERT AGENCIES ARE FOREIGN even to market local products to us. I am sure Kasaprenko has foreign media team.

And now you want a Nigerian firm with NO EXPERIENCE AT THAT LEVEL TO MARKET US TO BRUNEI, Kazakhstan and such distant lands????

Look at what Axlerod achieved with the #bringbackourgirls. He had Mrs Obama, and ALL THE STARS OF HOLLYWOOD from Stallone to Scawarzenegger to Timberlake to ...name them. So Salako and sons advertising Nigeria ltd or Usman Advertizers Incorporated....selling groundnut since 1949, is the best people to hire (na joke I dey joke before una say I curse Nigerian advert firms)? WOULD YOU HIRE A NIGERIAN FIRM FOR THIS?

Now imagine if APC were patriots and all those stars carried placards that said ‪#‎DobusinessinNigeria‬ or ‪#‎Nigeriansaregreatpeople‬.

By now you would have seen Nigeria blossom.

But of course APC are saboteurs no less...each one that granted an interview to foreign media and disrespected the Nation's leader and symbol. (yes he is one and the same while in power.)

"TO UPHOLD HER HONOUR AND GLORY...." That is the pledge we recite. That is what the governors and many members of the opposition swore to.

By going abroad and on their TV, are they doing that?

If it is LEVICK that will help to improve our image and assure ONE INVESTOR......ONE INVESTOR... that NIGERIA IS A PLACE TO DO BUSINESS, If they can tell the world "THE INSURGENCE IS IN JUST A PART OF NIGERIA...3 of 36 states really... Cross Rivers, Ebonyi, Ondo and the rest of them are lands of eternal sunshine and love...and they are doing their darndest to fight terrorism which is a global scourge and not just Nigeria, if they can paint Nigeria to be the HAVEN IT SHALL BE SOON going at this rate where the trains, farming etc are starting to take pride of place, THEN GOOD JOB News Agency Of Nigeria, GOOD JOB Niboro, good job Abati et al and GOOD JOB Mr President and the FEC.

TO UPHOLD HER HONOUR AND GLORY....all hands on deck.

My ENAlysis of Chibok and an ENAstradamus Postulation. BY ENA OFUGARA.


Dummies Sold, Dummies bought....bought in foreign currency.

The opposition played a dangerous and risky game and GEJ like that TV program of the 80's has said "checkmate".

It is Ome Omenai who asked "If the Chibok girls are not missing, why is this administration allowing the world to get involved"

This administration KNOWS this girls are not missing. If you listen to the first Lady in that "only you that waka come" video, you will see that she was very suspicious that grieving parents may not exist hence "only the principal waka come"

The administration, for it not to be said to be "denying" the kidnapping, through the police and in the nationwide broadcast BEGGED PARENTS WHOSE CHILDREN ARE MISSING TO COME TO THE POLICE STATION.

That has to be a first in history where you that lost you 16 years daughter has to be begged to come to police station when in reality the police station should be a beehive of activities for grieving parents.

Even the Borno government house and Local government headquarters of Chibok, there is graveyardlike silence. It definitely does not look like 276 girls are missing.

I know how Police Station in Sapele would be if "gbomogbomo" stole 5 children. Parents and well-wishers will sleep in government house or police station just to hear if there is news on their girls.

So why is Borno State govt and the opposition selling this dummy? GEJ HAS NEVER BEEN AS MALIGNED ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND ESPECIALLY WORLD MEDIA LIKE THIS.

Even papers that used to support him here, since Obiageli Ezekwesili's march with false parents and hired actresses, the attack has been relentless as they say "he is doing nothing about the girls"

I have asked severally "How do you look for kidnapped people when the parents have not made "missing person's report"

But the foreign media likes bad stories of Africa and in fact bad stories worldwide. Notice if anyone is interviewed and he does not attack this administration, the interviewer quickly says "thank you for your time" and ends it.

So the APC and Borno governments looking to totally discredit the SOE (state of emergency) has sold you all a dummy and you all opened your pockets and paid.

Then GEJ, that man Ogbemudia told you "is more brilliant than many of us put together" has absorbed the attack and very denting blow for a loss of goodwill to gaining of actual position of strength.

While his "Queen" Patience GEJ was engaging opposition "bishops" and "knights", GEJ "castled".

The US that has been looking for a way to put fot and soldiers down on sub-saharan Africa has finally done it. Now they will have an eternal post in Sub-saharan Africa and even if later they say they are gone, all what is needed for them to arrive in 12 hours and encamp in case of global conflict will have been put in place.

Should world war start, Russia cannot win the race to Sub-saharan oil of Nigeria and now Ghana. They also cannot use the soils for food growing as Hitler had planned for Africa.

DUMMIES SOLD, DUMMIES BOUGHT....bought in foreign currency.

Nigerians in some inexplicable pausing of the use of their reasoning faculties, failed to really listen to SHEKAU in that video where he never mentioned Chibok or WAEC. He does not boast of the hours he took to arrange the transportation, but instead boasts of over-powering the army....when all reports show there was no struggle and that the girls were handed to them. And when all the villagers say they did not see or hear any gunshots, and yet Shekau spoke of the fight to get the girls.

Nigerians do not bother to wonder if it is this very incidence he is talking about or the speech could have been any other attack.

HE TALKED ABOUT 9 AND TWELVE YEARS OLD GIRLS and not 18 and 16...even 20.

He Shekau chooses the less lucrative alternative of selling little girls to the poor, in and around Chad and Cameroun to a huge ransom and release of held brothers in prisons.....something GEJ would have agree to easily for the safety of 176 girls.

And that representative or who that is quick to tell us,  "the girls are now in Chad and Cameroun. They have been sold for 2,000 naira. They have been married off" even before Boko Haram made contact. EVEN BEFORE SHEKAU MADE CONTACT via youtube video.

Did they in anyway see this SHEKAU video and play their game to the script he had already written? Like chess moves read from a Bobby Fisher text, did they totally adapt their play to pre-arranged moves?

Well... I have looked at this thing a million and one ways and in my ENAlysis, AS AT TODAY, I am 80 percent certain there was no kidnapping.

I sit back and congratulate the president. What a wonderful capitalization on a gambit.

Now he has the US army at his disposal in his country. ANY COUP STANDS FOILED.....yes, coups are by no more than 100 soldiers......easy for the US army to take back any radio station they capture for their broadcast and easy to zoom in and bomb and snipe and  quell any attack on the villa. I SAID GEJ "CASTLED"

Then also, should the Niger Deltans decide to break the country at the constitutional conference, should things escalate. Should a civil war ensue, AMERICA IS ALREADY HERE.

Russia almost beat them to the Nigerian oil during the Biafran war. But not anymore AMERICA IS HERE.

DUMMIES SOLD, DUMMIES BOUGHT...IN FOREIGN CURRENCY.


America called the Northern governors and flew them over. How the US meets provincial leaders of a country shows the deep division. Mumu governors went, insulted their country and president and America joined them and said "yes. Abuja refused to support Northern governors push for education and employment" when Abuja has built more almajiri schools than the state governments. When Abuja has built so many universities on their soil than in the south. When Abuja chose their soils to begin the rice revolution that made the Agric minister Akinwumi "Forbes Man of The Year." proving the success of the farming initiatives: when the groundnut is being grown again....something their own Northern leaders and governors could not do.... farming that is also a State Government function....even local government....

YEt America spoke HIGHLY in their favour and they are happy. Yes, Obama and John Kerry has heard their argument how GEJ cheated them of their one term agreement and RIGHT TO RULE.....


DUMMIES SOLD, DUMMIES BOUGHT....IN HARD HARD CURRENCY


Now America can monitor even the anti-Israel terrorist group's activities in Nigeria. HAMAS and AL QAEDA has lost their vacation spot.

But they should not have brought attention to Nigeria where a lot of their financing was going on under the radar. They were planting even CENTRAL BANK GOVERNORS and STATE GOVERNORS who all regularly visit Sudan, the African mother-bed of terrorism.

But someone got greedy. Someone got stupid. They decided to smoke weed where they keep guns and drugs and the police has followed the smell and now are here....over stupid weed/marijuana smoking. Nigeria ultimately is lost. A stronghold, a bastion is lost.  AMERICA IS HERE....

YES AMERICA IS HERE, RUSSIA IS NOT


DUMMIES SOLD DUMMIES BOUGHT...IN FOREIGN CURRENCY.




So everyone, sit back and watch as Nigeria finally is no longer the Beautiful Bride of International politics. No more are we "unaligned". Like SHEKAU's "kidnapped" girls, we have been married off to a side...AMERICA.

Stupid gambit by Shettima and APC. Wonderful capitalization by GEJ....Gary Kasparov-esque. AMERICA IS HERE> GEJ IS SAFErrrrr


DUMMIES SOLD DUMMIES BOUGHT.

SURVIVING AMERICA...IMABONG'S TALE By ENA OFUGARA

As Imabong sat in the BWI airport lobby waiting for two people, she could not help but reminisce on what her life has been.

She like a lot of calabar young girls sadly was a housegirl. Her last "oga" had raped her and gotten her pregnant. The wife of the man had given her the kind of beating that was reserved for people who stole from the market for daring to put herself in a position to be raped by her husband.

IMabong's mother had been nice. She allowed Imabong stay and deliver and before allowing her find a new family to be house-helps to while she too care of Essien, Imabong's son.

Imabong was lucky to have found this rich Yoruba family who for a pittance paid, made her a live-in help. They were both staff of Mobil Unlimited and were really well to do.

She was cook, nanny, washerman, and errand girl for the family and their four children. Yes, she was taking care of people's children while her son Essien never got to see his mother in the same Calabar as a housegirl is never allowed to go home...ever.

Imabong was the lucky kind of House girl....the type that is needed to accompany the whole family to the US.

As a smart girl, Imabong ran away while in the US. She found her passport in her madams purse and ran like the wind. She just ran into the streets and was in shelters with drug addicts et al, Imabong suffered but knew she had to be here in America as going back home meant she would remain a househelp forever.

Imabong wanted more.

Her Visa was a working Visa and as a nineteen years old, she joined the hispanics at HOME DEPOT and did all kinds of jobs.

Then she saw a Nigerian couple who now and then needed a babysitter for their 7 year old. And so once again she was a nanny as the man was a driver and wife nursing assistant.

The couple, Mr and Mrs Umukoro were quite nice to her and Mrs Umukoro told her matter-of-factly to see if she could try and be CNA/GNA too. Mr. Umukoro, hearing her story, paid for her to attend the classes by adding to the money he owed her. She was taken in by them.

The classes were quite easy as Imabong was in class with other Africans. She was always a brilliant girl and wondered right there in class why her father and mother would let her become a housegirl. Surely they weren't the poorest in the world. Why Calabar parents allowed their children to be househelp she could never fathom as she hardly ever meets other Niger Delta children becoming househelps.

And so she did become a GNA (geriatric nursing assistant) at first go.

 She got a job with Manor Care, a senior living facility and Imabong had the honour of cleaning poop of frail senior citizens.

Imabong's first salary amazed her. She never knew cleaning poop was so honourable and fulfilling. She knew all the child poop she had cleaned and all the cooking she had done and all the washing. Here all she did was be nice to these old people and her salary was ....she just could not believe it. SHE COULD ACTUALLY BUY A CAR in 5 months of work and she did.

She remembered the look on Mr and Mrs Umokoro's face as she sat on the steering wheel of the Honda Bullet. It was an old car but what did Imabong care? She had taken driving lessons and was on top of the world with joy as Kevwe, her madam and friend watched as she showed off her skill in "paralel parking".

But her happiness was about to end. Her two years working Visa was about to expire. Esiri Umukoro her oga had given her options to stay in America. YOU MUST FIND SOMEONE TO MARRY OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB.

Imabong wore that worry to work everyday even as she took care of the old people. But it never stopped her from doing a good job with the residents. She knew back home in Nigeria, she would do a lot more, under worse treatment for a lot less.

Her favourite resident (as they are called) was Mr. Cuningham. It was her job to take care of him each morning and as she did, Mr. Cuningham and her always gisted and laughed as he asked her so many questions and Imabong smilingly told him everything about herself.
He was a jocular fellow and asked her about Tigers and Lions in Africa. He asked her to prepare lion soup for him one day and Imabong actually brought Idikainko soup and gave him and said there was no more Tigers so she use a leopard.

The nurses and patients playfully called IMA (the shortened form) Mr Cuninham's wife and playfully Imabong accepted and really treated Cuningham good.

For Imabong, tick tock tick tock time ticked away as her visa would expire in two months.

As Mr Cuningham ate the Edikainkong, Imabong's brain was in overdrive. She started asking Mr Cuningham very pointed questions as to his family and all.

Mr Cuningham told her he was an attorney and had been married twice. His children were grown and second wife had gotten bored with him especially after his stroke and upon needing a catheter which spelled the end of his sex life. He told her he was an attorney and has had a good life and waiting for a good death.

Imabong breathed in and out and told Mr Cuningham

"sir, marry me. I will take care of you. I need to be in this country"

Mr Cuningham looked at her and knew there and then he had his wish for a good death fulfilled. He was tired of the nursing home anyway and with a caring nurse like this by his side, that was a good way to go anyway.

It raised a few legal issues which was quickly resolved by Cuningham's old law firm.

The 75 years old Cuningham was of sound mind and so Imabong had gone to the registry and married a 75 years old wheel-chair ridden Mr Cuningham with only the Umukoros present as Mr. Cuninham did not bother to inform his kids whom he said were spoilt brats who never come to see him at the nursing home and were only waiting for him to pass.

That was 6 years ago. Mr Cuningham is still doing great and healthier than he had been for a while now. He has developed a taste for Nigerian soups, though the eba and fufu was a little too heavy for him. He found the vegetables to be nutritious and the oils made him go to the toilet without need for annoying enemas.
He can now even take a few steps without the wheelchair. Imabong was an elixir to him with how well she took care of him and building a house for her mom and dad in Nigeria was a small price to pay for such happiness.

He was expecting his son from Nigeria...well her son and now his son and for an 81 years old man, and one with an inbuilt catheter, expecting a son was not bad at all. He will be a new dad....well if only he had the ability to father one with her. But oh well, what is hers is his.

He could not go to the airport with her as he wanted a bit of rest...especially as he was sure the house would be a lot noisier soon. He just watched as the nice Nigerian couple and dear family friends the Umukoros drove off with her in  her Sports Range.

Yes her Sports Range for this young girl, the minute they got married and some of his mates still alive had come to see him, she had offered to get them care at home instead of in a Nursing Home and it had been a hit. All the advert needed for her was him and how happy and well he looked.

She had gotten together loads of Africans and hispanics and a few Americans willing to put in an honest shift of truly caring for the old and infirm.

He had gotten out of retirement and you would not believe that at his age he was her manager as he handled the legal drudgery and such-like.

His primary doctor told him there is nothing better that could have happened to him an even his children an ex-wives have come to admit that he has never looked so alive.

So with a thriving business of Home Care, Imabong had bought a Sports Range and he still smiles when he remembers how she kept screaming "tear rubber, tear rubber", which he later undrstaood to mean "new"

 These Nigerians like flashy things, he says to himself. But what a great people from a great country.

And so Imabong, looked at herself at the airport, her clothes her environment and the Umokoros sitting beside her.

 As her son...who she could only recognize from pictures taken of the lovely clothes she sent him, walked through the security post with her mom. Imabong looked up to the skies. Yes, she could see the skies way past the beautiful , metal ceiling and lights...she looked to the heavens at ABASI, and said a huge THANK YOU GOD for then and there, as her son and mom walked towards her, IMABONG, daughter of Okon, knew without a doubt, she had SURVIVED AMERICA.