That
song "Landlord travel and see" like most hi-life songs of yester-years
makes perfect sense. The composer obviously realises that perhaps except you move from where you are, you may not be able to appreciate how good you
have it. And this is most apt when it comes to Nigerian women who are
dating/married to Nigerian men. They really do not appreciate just how good
they have it.
Now how many of you have insulted the Nigerian man
of being unloving, uncaring etc etc especially having read Romeo and
Juliet or watched Leonardo Di Caprio say "you jump I jump" in the movie
Titanic and actually give his life for Kate Winslett's character. Or
perhaps you have watched as oyibomen open the door for their women and
you say to yourself "My naija husband no go do am except the door hook
or jam"
As I usually do, I will enumerate reasons why you should be grateful you are married or dating a Nigerian
1. WE MAKE DECENT HONOURABLE WOMEN OF YOU
I
knowingly mentioned this as number one because it is most women's
desire to be married.. If a Nigerian is unmarried at 35 and he has made
money, even his friends begin to pressure him, how much more his mother.
He is "forced" to pick a girl for himself as wife or his mother will
quickly "organize" one for him. If at 39 he remains unmarried, know his
finances are pretty bad and even then, the community may help fund a wife
for him. Juxtapose this with Western men like George Clooney the actor
who with his millions perennially remains an "eligible bachelor".
Further
to this, sometimes we are unable to afford the HUGE cost of marrying
which is practically "buying" a wife.
(what is bride "price" if it is not purchase? What is bag of salt, yam
drinks cloth for mother and father, cap, walking stick etc if not "trade
by barter"? Yes the Ibos pay for a wife like they were buying a Bentley
and even Binis and Urhobo who pay very little money still have a lot of
hidden fees and charges.Compare this to the Western world where you
just walk with her to a court and marry her and later the girl calls
her folks and says "I got married dad". Or even if there is a wedding,
the bride's parents are traditionally known to bear the cost. Or
consider India where the bride or her father pays the groom a fee
couched as "dowry") and feeding tonnes of people you do not know. We therefore have to take a woman on "credit" and make children with her,, from
that minute, she is considered our wife and in time we are made to go
and pay the fees required or lose the children which are products of our
loins and very hard work of our waists. (na work oh. You no dey see sweat?)
Now
no matter the new girl we find and love later, if we have a woman who has
borne one two or three children for us, our peers and family prevail on
us to do the right thing and marry that woman who has borne kids for us.
Juxtapose this with Americans or European men who will simply walk away
from that woman and she would require the courts to make the man take
care of the children under "child support". As for her, she has lost
totally.
2. WE ARE PROVIDERS FOR OUR WOMAN
The Nigerian
man is the number one man in terms of providing for his woman. I went
with a female classmate to buy lunch at Subway. As I was paying for both
of the meals, she looked at me with surprise and told me I must be
really new to this country. Now she is from Guyana. I asked her why and
she said Americans hardly pay for meals for girls. She told me even if
you and the girl are going to make out later, most dudes will pay for
just theirs. I immediately told her that in Nigeria, men pay for
everything a girl who is with them take. That many times if you invite a
girl over for an outing, maybe a movie she brings all her roommates and
you are forced to pay for all their meals and movie ticket however
grudgingly. She said i was lying. I then opened my eyes to observe and
she was as right as day.
As if that was not enough, I was
hanging with a few dudes from other African countries and we were
discussing about the pressures from back home and all of them were
talking about sending their girls school fees. I mentioned Brazilian
hair and ipads and the ghanaian guy laughed so loud at me. I asked if he
has never sent money home for his girl to do Brazilian hair and he said
"Charlie what for? Am I her father? No wonder naija man do 419 and
credit card fraud. You people like big big things too much" I then
remembered the song "Ashawo" by Flavour ft those Ghanaian rappers (The
Rex Lawson cover) wherein one said "she like money like a naija man".
The Kenyan was just staring and saying he knows Nigerians always send
money to their girlfriends. I then remembered that in Ghana it is the
women that do most of the providing and the Ghanaian man is ordinarily
content with the little he has.
WE ARE PROVIDERS FOR OUR FAMILIES
Yes
we brave the cold cold snow and do the strangest works so we can send
money home for our fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters and even
extended family. It is his pride to buy his parents a car and for his
brothers to wear the best clothes and also to join him abroad at the
earliest opportunity. He even tries to get his best friends to join him
at his expense. When you see a Nigerian building a house, it is usually
not for him. He will most likely spend the rest of his days abroad. But
still he sends money home....moneys that most often than not are
misappropriated and the house he thinks he is building exists only in
his dreams. Still the Nigerian sends money home. Still he faces the
extortion of "omonile" and "deve" collectors and builds so his parents
can live their last days in comfort or sometimes for the emotive
satisfaction that he owns a house back home. If he has a son or daughter
that he made before traveling or on some of his journeys back home,
that child is an immediate "ajebutter" as he provides for the child and
the mother. He does not need the courts to garnish his salary in the
name of "Child support" to provide for his flesh and blood. That is the
Nigerian male. A PROVIDER.
3. WE ARE MAJORLY STRAIGHT
Old
as I am, i still do not know a gay Nigerian. Yes there are but I do not
know any personally. But in about a year of being in the US, I have seen
quite a number enough to have "evolved" with my feelings about gays.
(yes I now see it as normal. no blame me. In Rome....) If a Nigerian
says he is hanging with his male friend, be not afraid. The worst they
can do is get a few women who they will forget the next day. But in
Europe and America, the woman has to be afraid of her husband's male
friends as well which totally doubles the pressure and suspicions. many
a woman have come home and met their men with a man. That is the worst
form of unfaithfulness as it is clear he may never have wanted you in
the first place and that you were merely a cover and a ruse. So if you
date or are married to a Nigerian, be afraid of Ekaette the housegirl,
or Sonia, the neighbour or Victoria the secretary. If you are married to
an American or European, be afraid of houseboy, housegirl, male and
female secretary etc. So the Nigerian halves your troubles.
4. IT IS INDEED TILL DEATH DO US PART
Of
over 160 million people, how many cases of divorce are there? Yes the
numbers increase daily but the Nigerian man keeps his wife. Now the
American and European meet a new girl that totally takes over his
cranium. He comes home and says "honey, I am leaving. I cheated on you
and I love her" He destroys his family, the courts decide who keeps the
children and sometimes the woman loses them as the man may get custody
or even when she has custody, she has to bring up the children without a
father-figure in the house. Now in the Nigerian's case, even when his
wife is now fat and old and unattractive, he does not put her away. He
may keep a girl outside and spend many evenings with her. But he comes
home to his family at night and the children are not from broken homes
with all of the dysfunction that follow. He and his wife maintain a
cordial working relationship that keeps the family together. As is
usual, sometimes the love for that outside girl wanes or she is married
off by someone else or at worst even if he marries her, (which is very
rare nowadays) she is usually far away from the house of his wife and he
leaves home every now and then which is no different from a woman whose
husband is abroad or works offshore. I have argued this point severally
here and many oyibos agree with me that a lot of these women who are so
broken and clinically depressed and suicidal from their husbands
leaving would have gladly accepted to share him. In my Sapele parlance,
"at all at all na weeensh and naim bad pass" and many women who stay
with such husbands find out that the love grows again as they grow older
and that wildness of middle-age crisis which make men seek younger
flesh passes and he is theirs alone again.
5. NIGERIAN MALE IS AMBITIOUS> HE CLIMBS THE LADDER.
If
you meet a Nigerian, a Ghanaian and a Sierra Leonian in a MacDonald
serving fries, come back in a year and the Nigerian has become a car
seller, he is in college studying medicine or nursing or in prison. etc.
he is just no longer serving fries. The Ghanaian may have moved
toasistant manager while the Sierra Leonian still likely sell the fries
(which is honest good work and pays bills) I found when I got here how
respected the Nigerian is. YES RESPECTED. he is held in awe because
either by fair or foul means, he will make good.
6. The Nigerian
man is hardly ever depressed and suicidal. Yes he may think it when
things turn really bad but because of the belief in a miraculous God, he
soldiers on. If you compare him to his European or American counterpart
and have the American go through what the Nigerian ggoes through, he
would pick up a gun and kill everyone, starting with his wife and
children. A Nigerian will never do such a dastardly act (Boko Haram and
Mutallab is religious nonsense.) If a Nigerian kills his wife, know it
is for ritual purposes and he will use the money to train the kids and
build churches and carsfor pastor and give scholarships. He will not
just kill because he is down. So by and large, you are very safe with a
Nigerian.
7 GLOBALLY RECOGNIZED SEXUAL PROWESS (You can stop reading now if you are under 18 cos this goes raunchy and funny)
The
West African woman is said to be the most fertile in the world but I
usually ask "na them dey give themselves belle?" NO! Many Urhobo chiefs
have up to sixty children and to know their children they ask "ono oni
vwe" (who is your mother?) I do not believe we need too much proof as to
this considering women from far and wide, from every nook and cranny of
the planet, despite all what they have heard of Nigerians still travel
down, risking kidnapping etc to marry Nigerians in our courts. Women
talk!!! They will describe the size of your male member with their
friends and say just how prolific or lack thereof you are. Thus by
reputation and first person testimony, these women come looking for
Nigerian men. WHY? The foreign women have money, often have had two or
three kids, they can have sex with their fellow Europeans or Americaans
but still they come for the Nigerian with all the bad things said about
us. Like I said in an earlier article, "monkey is for play". (No racist
pun intended If the Nigerian man was no-good, world over we will not
remain the doyen we are.")
A lady told me that because for long
periods Nigerian male children do not wear panties and since his little
member is left to dangle left and right in the hot African sun, it loses
a lot of sensitivity and or has by default acclimatized to the warm
conditions of the female......em em.... and so does not hurriedly
ejaculate. Now a look at any given porn will reveal how much work oyibo
woman has to do get the man to "rise to the occasion". The Nigerian
man, if he is expecting a girl, his "osho" rises immediately it hears a
bike stop and or a knock on his door and if it is not the girl, sadly
angrily "osho" goes back down. The girl's arrival is all the foreplay he
needs. To make matters worse, the average Nigerian boy now drinks
"kasaprenko, Dakar, skiai/ogofi/akpeteshi with obukuyeke roots like they
were drinking beer and these are very potent aphrodisiacs I hear.
Burantashi has been available aeons ago to the hausa man even before
oyibo discovered Viagra. Thus the Nigerian youth is a
moving-mating-machine. And this is just what the females ordered from
the menu i am told.....moving-mating-machines.
There is a caveat
however. The females now need more than just hip action from the
Nigerian.( I will try and be a "CUNNING-LINGUIST" with this one, so try
and catch my meaning. This is very funny.) and many a Nigerian male are
averse to it.
This Jamaican lady was dating this Nigerian and
was excited about it having heard how endowed and prolonged Nigerians
can be when.......em em. Okay so she "used her head" and expected
Okechukwu to do the same. She laid back and Okechukwu made to em..em...
So she said
Jamaican Lady: "wyait a minute. Wa Gwan youth man? Ya no know what a gyal need?. Ya must afi use ya tongue on me punani"
Okechukwu:
Mba! I cannot do that. I cannot use the mouth I used to take Holy
Communion this morning in Catholic church to do such a thing. It is a
taboo to do this where I am from. I came from there, To go back there is
spiritual backwardness
The Jamaican lady let it go for two
straight nights. The third night, Okechukwu having collected "some of
her brains from her head" was about to go to hip action when he saw a
gun pointed at his head
Jamaican Girl : Bumbumcloth Nigerian. Ya
collect ya no give? Wat ya take me for? Stupid Nigerian lady? Me nuh
galong like that. Ya better lick it and lick it good. Bumbumcloth!!!"
So
Okechukwu bent down and drank from the source of life. He shined the
bowl thoroughly and everytime she wriggled and squirmed, his heart
skipped many beats praying she does not squeeze the trigger by mistake.
Now
the above is one of the little struggles of a few traditional Nigerian
men and this other illustration that happened in Africa may make you
understand just how far the Nigerian male has come
Chief
Ogheneovo was an Isoko/Urhobo King to be. He started getting fatter and
fatter and it became obvious it was not usual.so he went to see a
"dokita" who gave him "merecine" and then injected him with "egwede"
all to no avail. As is usual with village chiefs, they went to see the
village "ogbeburu" (dibia, diviner, shaaman) who said Chief Ogheneovo
has to confess in the village square what he did in private. So the
whole village gathered and the high priest asked the heir apparent to
the throne
High Priest : (In full regalia and with a staff and in all gravity) Chief Ogheneovo, ki diye vwo ruru? (What did you do)?
Chief Ogheneovo: Mi rwe omuovo re (I did nothing)
High Priest : For the second time, Chief Ogheneovo, diye vwo ruru? (what did u do?)
Chief Ogheneovo: MI rwe emuovo ooo (I did nothing)
The villagers started begging chief
"To ta chief(talk). kemu kemu (everything) has a solution "
The chief priest then warns chief ogheneovo about the impact of denying three times and goes on to ask the very final time
CHIEF PRIEST: Chief Ogheneovo, diye wo ruruuuuuuuuuuuu
Chief
Ogheneovo: (Looks right and left...eyes sparkling, ) mi,,,, mi (he
stammers) Mi lalo okhoro ( I performed cunninligus or went down on a
woman) Na my small new wife cause am. she say I must do am. say na so
oyibo dey do am"
The whole village erupted in cries and wails.
The women loosened their wrappers and fell to the ground in tears. The
children were befuddled asking
Children : "what did Chief do?"
Women : Noooooooooo. Chief lalo okhoro!!!!.... Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
The
Chief Priest loved Chief Ogheneovo. He wanted to see how to use a
waiver for chief. Chief was his candidate for the throne and many a goat
had come to himfrom chief. So he asked chief
CHIEF PRIEST: Na bo
wo ruo wa. How did you do it? Did u put a finger inside the pot of soup
and lick your fingers or did you deep your head and use your tongue to
scrub every corner? Say the truth!
CHIEF OGHENEOVO: I used my tongue. It is what she said I should do.
The
village erupted in fresh wails and screams. even the children started
crying. and thus was chief left alone at the village square to his fate
and for what?.
Okay, so there are a few things the Nigerian
male might hesitate to do. (many are pros at this, make no mistake)and
sometimes they may not be too helpful with the house chores or cook
(many are better cooks than women and are more hardworking than even
Akpan the houseboy). A few may be fraudulent (most are honest gentlemen)
and some stupid enough to traffic drugs in Malaysia and face hanging.
But on a whole, the Nigerian man is brilliant, hardworking, kind,
friendly and to date and marry one is to be blessed immensely.
Maybe also ask Nigerian women who have lived abroad and been with whitemen and men from other cultures why they rather be with a Nigerian. Yes ask the girls and perhaps you will look at your husband/boyfriend with a lot more respect as many oyibo would gladly take him from you.
YES
OH! We must like the agama lizard that jumps from a palm tree and gets
no praise, nod our own head in acknowledgement of our feat. So to the
Nigerian male I say SALUTE!!!